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Well, you're both jaded. Or the "pickled brain" metaphor srjth used is perfect. It's apparent that living this way has affected your thought processing.
I think so, but I just got in another arguement with her and it was ugly. I have ignored her all day yesterday and I went out and she sent me an e-mail for some link on why couples get divorced, the article was titled "If you think Infidelity is the reason, your wrong" This pushed my buttons, I didn't response right away, I just said "I'm on the phone" because she gave me that one liner the other night, then she came back with a "What are these secret phone calls you are having"? I'm like, what it's okay for you to someone to talk to, but I can't? I was bluffing and I knew it would get a response. I responded back to the message an hour later, but I shouldnt' have, because she didn't say anything to me, so this morning I asked her why she sent that e-mail to me, then the proverbial you know what hit the fan.
She started screaming and saying I berated her for 3 hours the other night, then you didn't talk to me all day yesterday and just went ballistic. She seems to not be taking any blame, that what she did is acceptable behavior. I said to her flat out, what you did to me really hurt me because you were basically living the lie the past several months in why didn't you have the balls to just say, sit down let's talk, I met somemone online and it's over. That comment blew her up even more, she went postal. She then goes i have to make sure I have my things in place, like what things? How long would it go on like that till you had your things in place? Really sounds like a cop out.
More so she wanted more time to get to know this guy and possibly move in with him, that way she could leave me without any issues, the fact she has no respect for me as a human being, little alone as someone I have been with and trusted for 18 years, is beyond me.
I said to her, I know it's over between us, I have accepted that but you did not handle it like an adult, she then blew up. Started crying and said I wish I could be out of here today because I would.
I regret now even talking to her, but I said there are things we need to discuss about how we are going to handle things, she said "there is nothing to discuss", she thinks we can just go to the courthouse and file, I don't think it's that easy. I told her I'm getting a lawyer and she got upset again.
She also didn't like me telling her to be careful with what she is getting into, she said that what is happening to me happened to the previous guy, I said yes but I question her logic, it's like she is proud of it, I would be ashamed.
Also I told her, as a friend I think you should focus on you, be single for a while and get a job and your feet on the ground. She didn't like that either, why is it a woman who has had a history of problems needs to get involved in a relationship so soon? She is also a liar, does said she never said certain things to me about what I'm not providing her. It's like she is looking for romance but has personal issues no relationship will solve.
It's a lost cause at this point, I really like to throw her out on her ass, cut off everything, shut off her phone that I pay for and disable the internet so she cannot call this guy. She mentioned going to a woman's crisis shelter, I said the only difference is many of the woman who will be there will come from much different circumstances than you, how are you going to relate?
This man is so worried about her , her mental state, her finances, her future that it'll be a small miracle if he divorces her
No it's happening, for sure. There is no turning back from this one, she is trying to pass the blame on me to make herself feel justified, but it's not working.
It's a lost cause at this point, I really like to throw her out on her ass, cut off everything, shut off her phone that I pay for and disable the internet so she cannot call this guy. She mentioned going to a woman's crisis shelter, I said the only difference is many of the woman who will be there will come from much different circumstances than you, how are you going to relate?
Have you been reading anything people have said? Now, this concerns me. You may be on the brink of getting a Protection from Abuse Order from her. Mostly to give her more leverage in the divorce, so I would LIMIT my contact with her in person, and electronically. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. It can be verbal, and/or emotional. I may have missed it, but have you met with an attorney yet? This should be your top priority. You should also be the one to file.
Watch yourself. She sounds unstable enough to do something rash.
I said to her, I know it's over between us, I said the only difference is many of the woman who will be there will come from much different circumstances than you, how are you going to relate?
Why would you try to talk her out of that?
If she has an idea on how to leave, let her. Stop trying to rationalize with someone who sounds very much like a narcissist.
Classic Stockholm syndrome. Sad. He'll be lucky if she is so enamored with the new guy, that she will be the one to push for divorce.
Trust me, it's not like that. She just didn't handle this like I would. She brought another man into the mix, which she did before and she will do again after this guy, it's just her ways. How she handled it enraged me, but I guess I asked for it knowing her history. I told her she has no class because she was playing me the entire time till I caught her red handed then she changed her attitude.
I hate to say it but I feel sorry for her more than ever.
No it's happening, for sure. There is no turning back from this one, she is trying to pass the blame on me to make herself feel justified, but it's not working.
Try to get over the blame game. It doesn't help you in ANY way.
Focus on yourself. Direct your energies to making an appt with a DIVORCE atty. Lawyers who specialize in family law know much more about divorces than do attorneys who do generalized work. Write down your questions and concerns beforehand.
Depending on your state, couples must be separated a certain length of time to get legally divorced. In my state it is one year.
If you can, make copies of all financial paperwork. Make copies of her separate financials if applicable. Take these with you to the atty.
Begin to consider where you'd like to live...once all is finalized. Would one of you stay where you live now?
Would you like an apt or house? Think ahead, as there are lots of things to consider...
Try hard to avoid negative conversations with your wife. It just drags you down.
It's a lost cause at this point, I really like to throw her out on her ass, cut off everything, shut off her phone that I pay for and disable the internet so she cannot call this guy. She mentioned going to a woman's crisis shelter, I said the only difference is many of the woman who will be there will come from much different circumstances than you, how are you going to relate?
So, as a starter, why don't you do just that? And stop credit charges and handing out out cash, etc, etc etc
But see, even in that quote, you're worried about her and how she will relate. That's HER problem and a big "So what?"but you're still making your concerns,
Have you been reading anything people have said? Now, this concerns me. You may be on the brink of getting a Protection from Abuse Order from her. Mostly to give her more leverage in the divorce, so I would LIMIT my contact with her in person, and electronically. Abuse doesn't have to be physical. It can be verbal, and/or emotional. I may have missed it, but have you met with an attorney yet? This should be your top priority. You should also be the one to file.
Watch yourself. She sounds unstable enough to do something rash.
She is just posturing, if she had the balls she would have just left a long time ago talk is cheap.
I think she is still debating in her head the consequences of divorce, there are multiple personalties that pop out during these moments.
I'm setting up an appt with a lawyer this week.
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