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I see it all the time on dating sites, "I really don't need a man, but I wouldn't be opposed to having one". It's contradictory.
I think it's a risk factor for being seen as an expendable accessory. Besides abuse, can't imagine anything worse for a human than to feel like an object. So I too would view such statements with caution.
I also feel same way when I see statements like: My priorities are God, Myself, My Family, and then maybe You. Since one cannot really know what God wants, that becomes a stand-in for "Me". Family is essentially an extension of me. So it becomes: My priorities are Me, Me, Me extended, and then maybe You. Another risk factor.
I think it's a risk factor for being seen as an expendable accessory. Besides abuse, can't imagine anything worse for a human than to feel like an object. So I too would view such statements with caution.
I also feel same way when I see statements like: My priorities are God, Myself, My Family, and then maybe You. Since one cannot really know what God wants, that becomes a stand-in for "Me". Family is essentially an extension of me. So it becomes: My priorities are Me, Me, Me extended, and then maybe You. Another risk factor.
Seriously? I don’t think that a person saying that necessarily means that she is self-obsessed. It means that she is happy with her life as a single person and is not going to settle for a man just to have a man. I think the point that women are trying to make here is that in relationships, women often end up making a lot more sacrifices than men. Most studies show that in marriage, men are often happier, but at best women are the same as they were if they were single.
In this thread, we are talking about women in their 40s who are single and never married and never had kids. Maybe they were focusing on their careers. Maybe they didn’t need someone to make them feel whole. Maybe they just didn’t find the right person. Whatever the reason, they didn’t settle for someone just to avoid being alone. Within this group, you are not going to find women who are going to take any man just because. If they were desperate, they would already be with someone.
Seriously? I don’t think that a person saying that necessarily means that she is self-obsessed. It means that she is happy with her life as a single person and is not going to settle for a man just to have a man.
We just have different reads, which is fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
In this thread, we are talking about women in their 40s who are single and never married and never had kids. Maybe they were focusing on their careers. Maybe they didn’t need someone to make them feel whole. Maybe they just didn’t find the right person.
I agree when responding to the original post and said as much. My last post was in direct response to the post I quoted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by picardlx
No.
She could have been career driven. Or simply didn't want to have kids until she reached a certain age or found a sufficiently compatible partner.
"I really don't need a man, but I wouldn't be opposed to having one".
I think it's a risk factor for being seen as an expendable accessory. Besides abuse, can't imagine anything worse for a human than to feel like an object. So I too would view such statements with caution.
I also feel same way when I see statements like: My priorities are God, Myself, My Family, and then maybe You. Since one cannot really know what God wants, that becomes a stand-in for "Me". Family is essentially an extension of me. So it becomes: My priorities are Me, Me, Me extended, and then maybe You. Another risk factor.
Anybody who couldn't give a damn is nobody I want to date.
It sounds like a game to get the upper hand and make the man toe the line out of fear of being dumped.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Seriously? I don’t think that a person saying that necessarily means that she is self-obsessed. It means that she is happy with her life as a single person and is not going to settle for a man just to have a man. I think the point that women are trying to make here is that in relationships, women often end up making a lot more sacrifices than men. Most studies show that in marriage, men are often happier, but at best women are the same as they were if they were single.
I disagree that either gender has to make more sacrifices. Transactionally speaking, each person is sacrificing their independence in exchange for a relationship and love.
Well, personally I don't think people would even come to this site to partake in discussion on a relationship or dating board if they truly had no genuine interest in finding someone.
I see it all the time on dating sites, "I really don't need a man, but I wouldn't be opposed to having one". It's contradictory.
Kind of like when a customer comes into a car showroom, and when a salesperson approaches them, they may immediately say, "I'm not here to buy anything!"
I'm thinking, "But you came here...may not be now, but you'll eventually buy a car".
I have admit whenever I’ve seen something like “I don’t really need a man...”, I usually just skip past it. This is not something that needs to be written in a profile. I’ve never in my life anytime felt I’ve “needed” a woman in my life, but I’d never write that on an OLD profile.
I have admit whenever I’ve seen something like “I don’t really need a man...”, I usually just skip past it. This is not something that needs to be written in a profile. I’ve never in my life anytime felt I’ve “needed” a woman in my life, but I’d never write that on an OLD profile.
Good point David. Yes I too would blow off anybody with a statement like that (bolded above). I also blow off matches that have any political statements, and I don't care if they are pro or anti. A woman who is into political activism is nobody I want to date.
I really, really want a woman but there is no way in Hell that I'm going to grovel. I'll meet mine on a basis of equality or continue searching.
In the world of dating, men chase and women lure for the most part. I can totally see how a even a decent looking guy with his act together could end up never being married and with no kids for these reasons.
However, a woman woman with her act together that is decent looking has had an endless flow of men that would love to wife them up if we're being honest here. I ask this mainly because almost every woman my age (40's) that fits this description is REALLY hard to date from what I have experienced.
Also, this question is for other men.
Not at all.
The women being hard to date in their forties were always hard to date, and some always will be hard to date. That is the short answer.
A lot of women go after guys. If one has not went after you not sure what to say about that but if you live long enough a woman will approach you, and it will be obvious, not discrete. At least one or two before your old age but probably a lot more you just did not know what the signs were.
As far as whether that woman is attractive, or desirable, to you is a different conversation.
Sometimes the attractive women are easier to get along with than the unattractive ones.
The women being hard to date in their forties were always hard to date, and some always will be hard to date. That is the short answer.
.
Yeah, it surprises me that they'll even turn down guys when they should realize that at a certain age, yes, even the 50-somethings, need to realize looks fade. I think some still think they are in their 20s and looking hot and can still land the hunks.
I agree with the OP. Most people do not choose to become old maids. Most men do not choose to become permanent bachelors. Either these people don’t want to be married or they are very difficult to deal with in some way. This does not mean you should not date someone like this, but it does show that everyone else for the past 30 years who has dated this person has either been rejected or has rejected them. Not a good sign no doubt.
I too to some extent agree with the OP. I have a few friends who are what I call successful single daters meaning-happy. back when I was younger I assumed I would never marry and be one of those. Thought I would be in several year relationships then be alone for awhile and move on-did not happen Married at 30 yo, still married 20+ years later.
This one friend I have lives the exact life I had pictured for myself and she has been with her current beau 3 years and really enjoys her independence and is fun and not too complicated to date, she never wanted kids.
I have 2 other single girlfriends who never had kids tho who swear they want to be married or in long term relationships and one I was fixing up with men on & off for a couple years till I noticed she is a narcissist. I saw a list of warning signs for one and had my "omg" moment of recognizing her. She is beautiful, been married twice but has a very warped sense of men. I particularly hate it when she ahead of time sees the bright future possibility like she has framed it for the wedding invite. Like she met this guy at a concert and before the 1st date was saying "if it works out we could always tell people the funny story of how we met". Kinda weird. Also when things go bad with them she always starts calling them mean terms related to their penises. I told her just because she is breaking up does not mean she has to insult them. I mean now I see it is an indication of her dysfunctionalness which seems to be terminal.
My other long time single friend is Asian and seems to feel an obligation to fulfill the stereotyped roles for her and has some similar patterns and forces herself on men. She chooses men based on odd logic, like "I should date a guy in finances because that is an intelligent decision", very rote. She too is very attractive. Both seem desperate because the emotional missing piece eludes them.
It is just some weird issue for them, my friend and I are in successful relationships and we know if we were single-we would meet some great guys. We don't treat guys like those 2.
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