Is no kids and never been married a red flag for an attractive woman? (attracted, older)
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If ATTRACTIVE 40 years old (or any age, for that matter) women are not getting any dates, it has nothing to do with the fact with fact that they are childless. They must be doing some other crap that's turning people off.
Or maybe they are doing like I do (44 year old woman here, with job, large flat, *paid off* car and no debt) and just are not putting themselves out there for the taking. They choose to live their own lives, pursue their own interests, and are not really keen on sharing all that with someone else unless he is really flipping g-d amazing enough to inspire her to change her mind on that score. Well... I haven't met anyone who inspires me to open my life up in that way just yet. And if a guy gets turned off by my extreme sense of independence that's his problem, not mine.
The thing you should realize, when you meet an attractive, pleasant woman in her 40's who has never been married or had kids, it was her choice not to.
That's key. I wouldn't make a bigger deal about it, or wonder why or if she's been rejected.
She's made that life choice.
I don't agree with everything you post, but this is **spot on.**
This entire premise assumes that having never been married equals having never lived with a romantic partner.
Having come from an area where it's still fairly common to marry before the age of twenty-two and having been a first-time bride in my early thirties (one year of cohabitation post-engagment) and comparing my experience to those of my early-married peers, I found that integrating lives isn't any easier for those who married a decade earlier than I did. In some ways it was more difficult for them as they had little to no experience about how to manage a household, share duties, and handle finances. (Younger couples don't tend to have the money talk; wise couples with assets and great credit do.)
Both my former spouse and I had lived on our own for years (mostly without roommates, I might add), had busy careers, etc. We knew that, realistically, sometimes work duties would come before our marriage. That we would have family commitments that would need to be honored. That, except for those rare couples who do *everything* together and practically breathe one another, we would both need space to still be separate people in order to make us stronger as a couple. The latter part often isn't understood by younger couples and is the source of many an argument for some.
Not every marriage or relationship is about this idea of sacrifice, but it should be about compromise. A previously failed marriage is not indicative of whether or not a woman is capable of the sort of compromise required by cohabitation or marriage.
In many ways, I think that remarriage for a woman over the age of forty who has successfully lived on her own post-divorce is more difficult than a first time marriage after forty would be for her. A woman in this scenario has lived both sides of the marriage/singlehood coin and realized that in many ways, flying solo without a man is easier than being part of a married couple.
These are some good points. I remember young couples living together for the first time, struggling to work out chore-sharing, neatness issues and expectations, and just the whole thing about sharing responsibilities and personal space, kitchen, etc.
Also, many people in their 20's, especially early-to-mid 20's, don't have good communication skills, and that deficiency affects their relationships to the point of leading to breakups, even though they might be compatible with their partner in other ways. Communication is a cornerstone of any relationship, and people barely out of their parents' nest tend not to have well-developed skills (depending on the family background). Many also have VERY set ways of doing things, based on their parents' training. If you don't believe that, think back to your days in your freshman dorm, when there were screaming matches between roommates about how to keep a tidy room or other disagreements. This kind of thing plays itself out all over again, when couples form and move in together after college.
Those early 20-something people are still maturing; they're not there yet. By their mid-to-late 30's, they've had plenty of opportunity to develop good communication skills, learned to compromise, and hopefully in most cases have evolved beyond mommy and daddy's household and housekeeping, learning that there's more than one way to do things.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-28-2018 at 02:38 PM..
Some of those women may have been in long term relationships, just not married; and either didn't want to have children or didn't want to have children out of wedlock. Possibly their partners didn't want children and that became a deal breaker for marriage. I know a couple women that broke up long term relationships over that.
I ask this mainly because almost every woman my age (40's) that fits this description is REALLY hard to date from what I have experienced.
Also, this question is for other men.
I have met 40-something women who are attractive, personable, easy to relate to but presumably not easy to date because that is not what they want; or they have some internal reason not to.
I have also met 40-somethings who are attractive, from a distance, but upon speaking to them it is clear they are unglued, and absolute catastrophes. (Walk into her house/apartment and it looks like a bomb went off, which to me me reflects the chaotic disorder of their minds.)
I have met more of the latter women than the former, the common denominator being they want relationships, are unhappy being alone, but keep doing and saying things that guarantee solitude.
Or maybe they are doing like I do (44 year old woman here, with job, large flat, *paid off* car and no debt) and just are not putting themselves out there for the taking. They choose to live their own lives, pursue their own interests, and are not really keen on sharing all that with someone else unless he is really flipping g-d amazing enough to inspire her to change her mind on that score. Well... I haven't met anyone who inspires me to open my life up in that way just yet. And if a guy gets turned off by my extreme sense of independence that's his problem, not mine.
Just like how some men don't approach women, some women don't allow themselves to be approached.
Some people might think they're turning people off but I don't believe that. They can very well be decent people.
Some men don't want to meet women, some women don't want to meet men.
I don't get how people who have failed relationships are deemed more of a catch than someone who hasn't had one.
I wanted to add...spoke with someone else. They say getting married to an over 40 NEVER married is risky, because that person has never known what it's like to sacrifice anything for a romantic partner. That they've become SO accustomed to single-hood that it'll be near impossible for them to get used to marriage.
A middle-aged, never married person is also considered TOO selfish for marriage.
If you take a couple that both married young, say early 20s, can easily integrate themselves into each other's life practically out of high school or college.
They lived a life of never having to co-ordinate with a romantic partner. SO used to doing things on their own and so on. With that said, it sounds like a recipe for disaster should a NEVER married get married after 40.
Wow, TT123, this time you actually gave us the real story! I recall that you are over 40 and never married. If you are not 40+ I know you are near it, so you had better watch out or you're gonna get red flagged. Tick tock.
Actually you are just making up everything as you type, pure fabrication. Your comment about middle-age, never married people being selfish, you just pulled that out of your ear!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Some of it is due simply to the fact that it takes some people longer to find a compatible partner.
That's what happened to me, and just enjoying life without remembering there is a timeline to have a family. One day I realized it was too late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty
This entire premise assumes that having never been married equals having never lived with a romantic partner.
That was me. I've shacked up multiple times, I just never got married and luckily never had children.
I spent various years with FWBs when I should have been looking for a wife.
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
Many of us listed out a number of reasons that women might not be married before 40 that are not red flags at all, but I guess people just have their minds made up and won't listen to reason.
Also, WHY are people assuming "never married" = never having a serious relationship? I've never been married, but I lived with a man for years. We did and shared everything married couples do--yet I've somehow "never known what it's like to sacrifice for a romantic partner?" I'm sorry but WTF? Some of you guys need to think outside the box a little.
Just as I have been saying. You and I did the exact same thing. Living with a romantic partner and taking steps to ensure no pregnancy.
I know some women over 40, one that' sover 50 that's taken a step of way from even dating permanently.
I know this rather attractive 50-something woman, never married no kids that is content with her platonic group of friends and relatives. She prefers to be a forever aunt to her nieces and nephews. For some reason, it's the life she's chosen.
I'm meeting more and more women that are choosing this kind of lifestyle that are in this age bracket. Opting out of romantic relationships altogether. I know of another and said she has "closed up shop" since her divorce (yeah she was married), but it's just that more and more older single women are just content with their family, platonic friends and loved ones.
Of course, they are rejecting every single guy left and right by having to tell them this. lol
I know several women who are childless, but they have been married before. I only know 1 childless, never married woman. They are all attractive and seem to have no problem finding dates. Only the childless, never married one is bat**** crazy but she still finds dates, no problem.
I know some women over 40, one that' sover 50 that's taken a step of way from even dating permanently.
I know this rather attractive 50-something woman, never married no kids that is content with her platonic group of friends and relatives. She prefers to be a forever aunt to her nieces and nephews. For some reason, it's the life she's chosen.
I'm meeting more and more women that are choosing this kind of lifestyle that are in this age bracket. Opting out of romantic relationships altogether. I know of another and said she has "closed up shop" since her divorce (yeah she was married), but it's just that more and more older single women are just content with their family, platonic friends and loved ones.
Of course, they are rejecting every single guy left and right by having to tell them this. lol
Seriously, just stop.
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Some of you guys need to think outside the box a little.
