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I would not like to see that either. If I was single I would not say I did not need a man because godoggit I do, men are fun! Thts is someone who is trying to not sound desperate, after all they are on a dating site! Of course they need a man!
No... You don't "need a man" because you're on a dating site. Some of us are just looking for fun people do go do an activity with. Although I do agree that you don't really need to state that on your profile, however. Instead, just make it obvious by being an independent person who isn't needy or desperate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
To follow up.....I'd seen profiles where they say, "I have a busy life with friends, family, hobbies, and job....so he must understand that."
I understand a job is important because it pays the bills....I get it, but when 5 pm rolls around and workers are clocking out, guess what....the rest of that time is to do whatever... this includes dating.
Friends....tons of people have given up their time with their friends at some point when they dated someone new. Now I'm not saying completely drop off your friends (family's)radar. But yeah...it happens....and friends understand that.
Hobbies. ... Easy solution. ...INCLUDE your date IN your hobbies perhaps? I knew an "independent " mtn biking woman that would refuse dates from male fellow mtn bikers because. ..and your going to love this line BS...."that is my time to reflect and meditate...". Some crap about letting off steam from work pressure.
These types have no business online dating.
You don't get to decide who has business online dating. These people have every right to be there, just as much as you do.
Your problem (and many other people in general) is that you only see things from your own perspective. The above-described person wouldn't fit with what YOU want in a relationship. And that's fine. But don't assume that they wouldn't be what someone else wants.
The person you describe is exactly what I'd be looking for. I'm the same way. Very independent, like plenty of time to myself, and am not interested in joining every aspect of my life with another person. I want someone with a lot going on, and a lot of passion toward other areas of their life that don't involve me. That's what I find sexy and exciting. Anyone with too much free time who pressures me to hang out is going to suffocate me.
Your second to last paragraph is just ridiculous, by the way. That woman has every right to want to unwind on the mountain bike trail solo. That's a completely normal thing to do, and the fact that you call it "BS" just shows you don't have a lot of respect for different perspectives. Not everyone is looking to include their date in their hobbies. People can and should have their own separate things that are just for them.
I know you're not going to listen to me, but please try to be less judgmental. If people could accept that most people on a dating site are just not for them (vs being bad all together) there would be a lot less bitterness floating around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
People want other people to pay attention to them. If they don’t get attention from the person they are dating they will find somebody else to date. You will be competing with men (or women) who do have that time to give. If you don’t have time to meet people, then you don’t have time to date people and you don’t have time for a relationship.
It's not a competition. It might feel like a competition, but it's not. In reality, there's only a few people who are totally compatible with you. You're looking to find them. Not compete for them. Someone who'd pass you over for someone else simply because they have more time isn't the person for you.
To the bolded part, once again, see everything I said above. They DO have time for a relationship--just with another person who is also very busy and wants someone on their wavelength.
No... You don't "need a man" because you're on a dating site. Some of us are just looking for fun people do go do an activity with. Although I do agree that you don't really need to state that on your profile, however. Instead, just make it obvious by being an independent person who isn't needy or desperate.
You don't get to decide who has business online dating. These people have every right to be there, just as much as you do.
Your problem (and many other people in general) is that you only see things from your own perspective. The above-described person wouldn't fit with what YOU want in a relationship. And that's fine. But don't assume that they wouldn't be what someone else wants.
The person you describe is exactly what I'd be looking for. I'm the same way. Very independent, like plenty of time to myself, and am not interested in joining every aspect of my life with another person. I want someone with a lot going on, and a lot of passion toward other areas of their life that don't involve me. That's what I find sexy and exciting. Anyone with too much free time who pressures me to hang out is going to suffocate me.
Your second to last paragraph is just ridiculous, by the way. That woman has every right to want to unwind on the mountain bike trail solo. That's a completely normal thing to do, and the fact that you call it "BS" just shows you don't have a lot of respect for different perspectives. Not everyone is looking to include their date in their hobbies. People can and should have their own separate things that are just for them.
I know you're not going to listen to me, but please try to be less judgmental. If people could accept that most people on a dating site are just not for them (vs being bad all together) there would be a lot less bitterness floating around.
It's not a competition. It might feel like a competition, but it's not. In reality, there's only a few people who are totally compatible with you. You're looking to find them. Not compete for them. Someone who'd pass you over for someone else simply because they have more time isn't the person for you.
To the bolded part, once again, see everything I said above. They DO have time for a relationship--just with another person who is also very busy and wants someone on their wavelength.
A busy person dating a busy person? That's not even a healthy relationship. (Operative word "healthy"). A female friend of mine told me she was in a situation like that. They gave it the good ol' college try and they both lived in the same residences. She used the analogy, "Like 2 ships passing in the night". It didn't work out, for obvious reasons. And Independence isn't even relevant in this case.
I can't see how anybody can be on board with this. This is one of many reasons why marriages/ relationships don't last.
What if someone just wants to go out to dinner once in awhile or even netflix and chill about once per month...but they dont want the nonstop texting and drop bys at all times. Can they use a dating site?
A busy person dating a busy person? That's not even a healthy relationship. (Operative word "healthy"). A female friend of mine told me she was in a situation like that. They gave it the good ol' college try and they both lived in the same residences. She used the analogy, "Like 2 ships passing in the night". It didn't work out, for obvious reasons. And Independence isn't even relevant in this case.
I can't see how anybody can be on board with this. This is one of many reasons why marriages/ relationships don't last.
Well, you don't get to decide what works for other people.
What if someone just wants to go out to dinner once in awhile or even netflix and chill about once per month...but they dont want the nonstop texting and drop bys at all times. Can they use a dating site?
Good point. They just need to be up front about it. I think that they were saying the person who put up the ad wanted a relationship, more serious type thing or that was how I took it.
Well, you don't get to decide what works for other people.
Of course he does not get to decide, that would be stupid but he does show at least in this thread he has some emotional common sense related to dating. I can see it.
You might be taking his words too strongly for some reason, they are generalizations.
Of course he does not get to decide, that would be stupid but he does show at least in this thread he has some emotional common sense related to dating. I can see it.
You might be taking his words too strongly for some reason, they are generalizations.
Well, people are going to be defensive about relationships because it's a touchy subject. We all want love one way or another, and we want a form of love that works for us. I know what would work for me so when someone calls that "unhealthy" or worse, suggests people like me somehow don't deserve to be on a dating site, it's a bit irritating.
But you're right. I shouldn't care what other people think. All that matters is me and the future person I choose to be with.
What if someone just wants to go out to dinner once in awhile or even netflix and chill about once per month.
I don't really see something like a once a month thing lasting long, because as they say "out of sight, out of mind". The momentum is too slow and boring if it's only once a month and chances are someone is going to get a wandering eye.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
What if someone just wants to go out to dinner once in awhile or even netflix and chill about once per month...but they dont want the nonstop texting and drop bys at all times. Can they use a dating site?
Sure. Plenty of people do so. I have some people like that in my life and they've been part of it for years.
Know a few others who are single moms who just, with all the events/family obligations, on top of work obligations, have limited free time so they can have a date or two a month (sometimes less, I have one planned for 1/18 with someone I met on OKC about 4 years ago). It works for them.
Sure. Plenty of people do so. I have some people like that in my life and they've been part of it for years.
Know a few others who are single moms who just, with all the events/family obligations, on top of work obligations, have limited free time so they can have a date or two a month (sometimes less, I have one planned for 1/18 with someone I met on OKC about 4 years ago). It works for them.
So, you've been seeing them only once a month for 4 years? It probably works for him/her because they are probably seeing other people without you knowing about it. Very easy to do if you're apart that distance and for that long of time.
I know a woman that chose some guy she met online in Canada over a local guy She said she did it as an excuse to get out of the state and travel. Not even a US citizen, chances are he has a Canadian girlfriend that she doesn't know about.
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