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My next question is this: could he afford to live on his own or is he dependent up your income plus his to make ends meet?
He somehow is dependent on my income. He does pay half of our rent and bills but I pay for more groceries. When we go out or get take out mainly I pay. Recently I told him I’m not paying for alcohol anymore because I don’t drink. I don’t mind paying for food. It is a basic necessity. He also has debt because he got some furniture for us. I know If he dumps me he would take all of his furniture. He told me he wouldn’t leave me but I doubt it.
He somehow is dependent on my income. He does pay half of our rent and bills but I pay for more groceries. When we go out or get take out mainly I pay. Recently I told him I’m not paying for alcohol anymore because I don’t drink. I don’t mind paying for food. It is a basic necessity. He also has debt because he got some furniture for us. I know If he dumps me he would take all of his furniture. He told me he wouldn’t leave me but I doubt it.
So what do you believe that you're getting out of this relationship? Love--especially love between two people with differing life-goals and dreams--just isn't enough to make a healthy, thriving relationship.
He doesn't wish to marry or have children with you. He refuses to speak with your parents even after being together for nearly two years. He permits his father to demean you in his presence. He uses the addition of your income to his in order to support his lifestyle. He handles money poorly. There's little affection or intimacy in your relationship. Still, he's a "good man," and you want to make it work.
I hope that he thanked you for being so generous when his father was visiting.
If you're able to live on your own or with a different housemate, it might be wise to move out, if not actually break up. If he wants you in his life, there's a reasonable chance that it will survive the separation if you give him logical reasons for choosing to move into your own space and he into his.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 06-18-2019 at 10:57 PM..
So what do you believe that you're getting out of this relationship? Love--especially love between two people with differing life-goals and dreams--just isn't enough to make a healthy, thriving relationship.
He doesn't wish to marry or have children with you. He refuses to speak with your parents even after being together for nearly two years. He permits his father to demean you in his presence. He uses the addition of your income to his in order to support his lifestyle. He handles money poorly. There's little affection or intimacy in your relationship. Still, he's a "good man," and you want to make it work.
I hope that he thanked you for being so generous when his father was visiting.
If you're able to live on your own or with a different housemate, it might be wise to move out, if not actually break up. If he wants you in his life, there's a reasonable chance that it will survive the separation if you give him logical reasons for choosing to move into your own space and he into his.
At some point I didn’t wanna get married or have kids as well but I was open for the option. When he told me he didn’t want to marry me I don’t know why I felt bad.
I was reflecting on that yesterday and thought I wanted to travel with him. Didn’t leave my previous job, saved all my holidays so that we could travel together and he knew still, he preferred to go back to India for his vacation.
I told him last time his dad was a troublemaker because I had enough. He told me, he will allow me to speak like this about his father. That his father has been through a lot.
He didn’t say thanks. He didn’t even acknowledge that he could have good times with his dad because of me paying most of the bills. When you do a lot for someone they always take you for granted. I realised because I am such an isolated person, people find out and use it for their own benefits.
I addressed the lack of intimacy and he said he is always tired. I can’t force him to always be intimate.
The person that he is he wouldn’t make any efforts for me. I do much for him, from cooking to cleaning. Managing everything and all I get to hear is I didn’t ask you to do it.
I can move out but I guess I’m scared of living with strangers.
At some point I didn’t wanna get married or have kids as well but I was open for the option. When he told me he didn’t want to marry me I don’t know why I felt bad.
I was reflecting on that yesterday and thought I wanted to travel with him. Didn’t leave my previous job, saved all my holidays so that we could travel together and he knew still, he preferred to go back to India for his vacation.
I told him last time his dad was a troublemaker because I had enough. He told me, he will allow me to speak like this about his father. That his father has been through a lot.
He didn’t say thanks. He didn’t even acknowledge that he could have good times with his dad because of me paying most of the bills. When you do a lot for someone they always take you for granted. I realised because I am such an isolated person, people find out and use it for their own benefits.
I addressed the lack of intimacy and he said he is always tired. I can’t force him to always be intimate.
The person that he is he wouldn’t make any efforts for me. I do much for him, from cooking to cleaning. Managing everything and all I get to hear is I didn’t ask you to do it.
I can move out but I guess I’m scared of living with strangers.
Multiple issues ... emotional, physical and financial.
He is not your partner emotionally.
He does not have the same goals as you (marriage and kids).
You are not first in his life.... his family is.
He is not your partner physically.
He is not pulling 50 percent of the burden financially.
He does not make efforts for you.
You are afraid of living with strangers... why don't you start there. With your income where could you live that does not require a roommate? How could you budget to make that happen? What can you cut spending on now to make a move? If he takes the furniture what can you do to furnish a living place? I lived for 6 months in a house furnished with lawn chairs, folding card table, inflatable mattress and a dorm sized refrigerator.
Lots of things are doable if you are willing to make the changes.
Multiple issues ... emotional, physical and financial.
He is not your partner emotionally.
He does not have the same goals as you (marriage and kids).
You are not first in his life.... his family is.
He is not your partner physically.
He is not pulling 50 percent of the burden financially.
He does not make efforts for you.
You are afraid of living with strangers... why don't you start there. With your income where could you live that does not require a roommate? How could you budget to make that happen? What can you cut spending on now to make a move? If he takes the furniture what can you do to furnish a living place? I lived for 6 months in a house furnished with lawn chairs, folding card table, inflatable mattress and a dorm sized refrigerator.
Lots of things are doable if you are willing to make the changes.
Yes I can afford living alone. I can buy my own furniture. 50% of the furniture is mine so yes I can do without few things.
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