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He's been clear about the future. It's not with you. Make a plan to move out. Don't worry about him and what he needs. Let him figure it out.
Also, just an educated guess, when he was in India he met the future bride selected by his family. I know that arranged marriages are still very common in India and that those living in other countries will return to India to meet a bride or groom.
He's been clear about the future. It's not with you. Make a plan to move out. Don't worry about him and what he needs. Let him figure it out.
Also, just an educated guess, when he was in India he met the future bride selected by his family. I know that arranged marriages are still very common in India and that those living in other countries will return to India to meet a bride or groom.
I asked him if that’s why he was going back but he said he has told his family he is not ready to get married. Plus I just found out that he told his sister in law he was not happy with our relationship and she suggested to leave me instead of keeping me in the dark.
Hi everyone,
I’ve been living in with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We moved in because both us were looking for a place. My housemate moved back with her family and he was leaving his work accomodation as he quit that horrible job.
It seemed a good idea to move in together. (We moved in after dating for 5 months)
His sister was going through domestic violence so the dad decided to come and stay with us for 2 months and apparently help his daughter.
My boyfriend is Indian. While his dad was at our place, he made me feel so uncomfortable. He would come home after going out and he would say stuff like “this place isn’t amicable!!” Just 1 min after coming in. He made fun of my achievements. He kept on saying when his wife was alive she would cook better dishes than me. I always try to find the easiest and convenient dishes to cook. He gave me disgusting looks when I came home. Never replied back to my greetings etc etc
I kept quiet and wasn’t even comfortable sitting with my boyfriend and his father. I felt I was trapped in my own house. Meanwhile his dad was taking advantage of my silence. He started telling my boyfriend he deserves better. He deserves happiness.
In the end, last week he was here: his dad told my boyfriend he doesn’t like me, told him he would never accept me and my boyfriend should leave me and never marry me. When my boyfriend said he can’t do that. His dad asked him if I was better than him!?
After he left, our relationship went all weird. We barely spoke. Things were bad. Until we spoke and I told him I am scared of having his dad here again. To which he told me recently he can’t tell his dad not to come here again.
Well I paid for so many expenses (grocery, alcohol, etc & etc) when his dad was here. My boyfriend was broke. (He has a job but is still in so much debt) My boyfriend recently went back to India for a family trip. He came back saying I don’t want to marry you. I don’t want kids. It’s not about me but he doesn’t wanna marry anyone else. (That’s his father has nothing to do with his marriage decision)And also he wants a partner that would get along with his dad. He wants me talk to his dad again.
I don’t understand why in a live in relationship I should have to accomodate his family!? Be nice to his family when they are not. My boyfriend has never wanted to speak to my parents. He said he won’t and wouldn’t. So why should I do all he wants? Am I wrong? I don’t know what to do. There’s not much affection and intimacy left in our relationship. My boyfriend also never make me feel especial, surprise me, take me out.
I am lost.
Chiming in late.
Get out of there. His dad is a rotten person.
Chauvinist 3rd world Indian attitude to family and women in general.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,909 posts, read 2,081,356 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by Isolation
Hi everyone,
I’ve been living in with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We moved in because both us were looking for a place. My housemate moved back with her family and he was leaving his work accomodation as he quit that horrible job.
It seemed a good idea to move in together. (We moved in after dating for 5 months)
His sister was going through domestic violence so the dad decided to come and stay with us for 2 months and apparently help his daughter.
My boyfriend is Indian. While his dad was at our place, he made me feel so uncomfortable. He would come home after going out and he would say stuff like “this place isn’t amicable!!” Just 1 min after coming in. He made fun of my achievements. He kept on saying when his wife was alive she would cook better dishes than me. I always try to find the easiest and convenient dishes to cook. He gave me disgusting looks when I came home. Never replied back to my greetings etc etc
I kept quiet and wasn’t even comfortable sitting with my boyfriend and his father. I felt I was trapped in my own house. Meanwhile his dad was taking advantage of my silence. He started telling my boyfriend he deserves better. He deserves happiness.
In the end, last week he was here: his dad told my boyfriend he doesn’t like me, told him he would never accept me and my boyfriend should leave me and never marry me. When my boyfriend said he can’t do that. His dad asked him if I was better than him!?
After he left, our relationship went all weird. We barely spoke. Things were bad. Until we spoke and I told him I am scared of having his dad here again. To which he told me recently he can’t tell his dad not to come here again.
Well I paid for so many expenses (grocery, alcohol, etc & etc) when his dad was here. My boyfriend was broke. (He has a job but is still in so much debt) My boyfriend recently went back to India for a family trip. He came back saying I don’t want to marry you. I don’t want kids. It’s not about me but he doesn’t wanna marry anyone else. (That’s his father has nothing to do with his marriage decision)And also he wants a partner that would get along with his dad. He wants me talk to his dad again.
I don’t understand why in a live in relationship I should have to accomodate his family!? Be nice to his family when they are not. My boyfriend has never wanted to speak to my parents. He said he won’t and wouldn’t. So why should I do all he wants? Am I wrong? I don’t know what to do. There’s not much affection and intimacy left in our relationship. My boyfriend also never make me feel especial, surprise me, take me out.
I am lost.
Indians don't marry non-Indians. The main reason why his dad doesn't like you is because you're a non-Indian. Furthermore, one of the worst places on earth, if not the worst for women is India.
While I'm not a fan of blanket advice, it's time to cut your losses. There's absolutely nothing here for you.
You won't win and he won't change. I think a breakup is inevitable. He's using you because he's not financially independent. Break up with him and find someone who treats you well and who has the same goals. Otherwise I am 99.9% positive that 5 years from now, you will be in the exact same situation (assuming his family doesn't find someone they want him to marry and talk him into it).
Never allow your significant other to tell/show you more than once that they don't want you. No matter how much you love him, move on. You deserve a man who wants to love you more and more and more. Put on your big girl emotional pants and proudly get to steppin!
You have gotten yourself entangled with a family that is anti-female Regardless of your achievements they will always insult you. Regardless of you being the bread winner, they will never respect you.
Cut your losses.
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