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Then try the Lefkoe Method to fix your low self-esteem. Shelly Lefkoe was my therapist many years ago.
So, I take it you think my point of view about not approaching women is rooted in low self-esteem? This is an interesting video, sounds like a good approach to eliminate negative beliefs, but I've already done work on my self esteem and negative self-talk years ago with good results.
It's no exaggeration when I say there have been countless experiences over the years that support my theory that women live in a hostile world, and it seems to be exacerbated by the fact that men are expected to be aggressive. True, many people have questioned or dismissed my point of view in these threads, but my theory was rooted in observable moments over the past twenty years, not in some kind of self-pity.
So, I take it you think my point of view about not approaching women is rooted in low self-esteem? This is an interesting video, sounds like a good approach to eliminate negative beliefs, but I've already done work on my self esteem and negative self-talk years ago with good results.
It's no exaggeration when I say there have been countless experiences over the years that support my theory that women live in a hostile world, and it seems to be exacerbated by the fact that men are expected to be aggressive. True, many people have questioned or dismissed my point of view in these threads, but my theory was rooted in observable moments over the past twenty years, not in some kind of self-pity.
*sigh*
You don't have to be antisocial, to avoid being "aggressive."
You don't have to be antisocial, to avoid being "aggressive."
It's really the appearance of aggression that I'm concerned with. I've never actually been aggressive by any stretch, but women have reacted as though I am. If the reaction is the same, then there is no practical difference between aggression and presumed aggression, because it has the same IMPACT on her.
The point is, when I observed fear or annoyance or disgust to the point that their body language changed, or they hurried away from me, or they reacted with disgust like they just stepped in something, I didn't ignore that my presence made an impact. I have compared it to a door-to-door salesman: how many times do you get stuck talking to a salesman before you stop opening the door? If it gets to that point, you end up being a prisoner in your own home. Why would anyone continue to be a door-to-door salesman, knowing that they are creating this hostile environment? I would theorize that perhaps they're oblivious to the environment they're creating? Just one theory. OR, they're afraid of being judged if they don't do it.
So, if there was a way for me to be social without a woman thinking that I'm some kind of door-to-door salesman, I'd like to hear how.
It's really the appearance of aggression that I'm concerned with. I've never actually been aggressive by any stretch, but women have reacted as though I am. If the reaction is the same, then there is no practical difference between aggression and presumed aggression, because it has the same IMPACT on her.
The point is, when I observed fear or annoyance or disgust to the point that their body language changed, or they hurried away from me, or they reacted with disgust like they just stepped in something, I didn't ignore that my presence made an impact. I have compared it to a door-to-door salesman: how many times do you get stuck talking to a salesman before you stop opening the door? If it gets to that point, you end up being a prisoner in your own home. Why would anyone continue to be a door-to-door salesman, knowing that they are creating this hostile environment? I would theorize that perhaps they're oblivious to the environment they're creating? Just one theory. OR, they're afraid of being judged if they don't do it.
So, if there was a way for me to be social without a woman thinking that I'm some kind of door-to-door salesman, I'd like to hear how.
Yeah, I get it. Really. Because it's hard for me to explain because I'm an extrovert and I know that not everyone can be that. There are things I don't love about my own appearance. This little benign tumor on the end of my nose that I appear to be stuck living with is probably the best and easiest example. If I look at it in the mirror, it looks so awful to me that I cannot imagine how I manage to interact with people without them staring at it like I'm a gross freak. But somehow when I'm out in the world, I'm not thinking about what I look like. Everything about my appearance is out of my mind, so what...whether it's that, or I happen to have sweaty armpits that day (yuck, I know, not for lack of antiperspirant, but sometimes hormones are a beast) or my hair has gone full fuzzball... I manage to set all of that aside and just talk to people.
Because the key is to NOT single out a target and then try to engage them specifically (that triggers "what do you want with me?" reactions) but to find a way into various conversations and just be one among many people...peopleing. But you have to like people. To want to hear their stories, to have stories of your own to share, to really engage and interact. And yes, no matter who you are, there will always be some individuals who just don't want to talk to you, and you've got to detect that and execute a friendly disengagement without taking it personally.
I do believe that to find a romantic connection, you (anyone, male or female) has to have SOMETHING to offer another person that is of interest. Maybe the only difference is that there are men who just want the V, and don't care one bit about anything else of what it's attached to...but what woman really wants to mess with that? Even those of us who have at times been into casual sex, want to have enough interaction to feel that a partner is at least someone we can LIKE. I just don't believe that good looks are the only possible thing one could attract a mate with. Doesn't have to be that, but you've got to have something. Smarts, wit, talent, wealth, unique fashion sense, just...something. And once you know what your "something" is, a way to broadcast and share it.
He isn't joking. Just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all.
I asked several men out on OLD when I was on there, doing that. I felt pretty good about taking a proactive role in choosing people of interest, rather than sitting there waiting to see which of the guys would message me. Carpe diem and all that.
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