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Tomorrow I’m going to make her a romantic dinner and we'll discuss everything. I got used to the idea of being a father and I think in next year I will be ready without a doubt.
Although I think OP seems bound on a bad path, I have to disagree that no one should have children at age 23. All of human history belies this. Many young men need to "sow their oats" and shouldn't be married or have children in their early 20s. Many others are mature beyond their years and are fully ready to settle down at that age. So if OP's making bad decisions here, they aren't about having children too young.
I wouldn't say never. But our OP is still in school and not established in a decent paying job/profession.
It's true that having children at 23 throughout human history was pretty normal. But widespread mass poverty was also the norm throughout human history. So just because it was the norm doesn't mean we want to repeat it.
I do agree that I think many of the education requirements that keep people out of the workforce until their mid 20s are way overdone. It smacks of social engineering to me (and not in a good way). But it is what it is.
I do agree that I think many of the education requirements that keep people out of the workforce until their mid 20s are way overdone. It smacks of social engineering to me (and not in a good way). But it is what it is.
Sadly I could not rep you anymore. This is one of the most astute comments I have seen on C-D yet. If you ever start a thread on it in politics forum let me know and I would be happy to participate. It is one of the things I have done periodic research on for decades.
Tomorrow I’m going to make her a romantic dinner and we'll discuss everything. I got used to the idea of being a father and I think in next year I will be ready without a doubt.
So you didn't really need us, after all.
What's so special about next year? Didn't you say you have two years left? What about the year after next? You'd be even more ready, then.
Or are you afraid to test the relationship, by telling her you won't be ready until 2022? Is it easier to give in, than make a sensible decision and ask her to respect your choice? Are you afraid to stand up to her?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 05-01-2020 at 07:20 PM..
Tomorrow I’m going to make her a romantic dinner and we'll discuss everything.
You're going to discuss EVERYTHING? Including your misgivings about the situation?
I will tell you, OP, having a baby is not like buying a car you drive for a few years and then sell when it gets old.
You're talking about bringing another person into this world and changing your own life forever. Once that baby is here, you will hardly be able to make a single decision without considering that child.
It's really encouraging that you feel so strongly about being a father. I think that's a great trait. I also encourage you to pay attention to your gut. People will tell you that there is no perfect time to have a baby, and that's true.
But there definitely are times when you shouldn't have a baby.
You're going to discuss EVERYTHING? Including your misgivings about the situation?.
Yes. Everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Or are you afraid to test the relationship, by telling her you won't be ready until 2022? Is it easier to give in, than make a sensible decision and ask her to respect your choice? Are you afraid to stand up to her?
Yes. I very afraid test us relationship, When I make her wait so long everything maybe change. We are happy together, I love her and also live in her apartment. If I left her, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I will reconcile to being a father.
Yes. I very afraid test us relationship, When I make her wait so long everything maybe change. We are happy together, I love her and also live in her apartment. If I left her, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I will reconcile to being a father.
This isn't good, OP. If you're afraid the relationship wouldn't last, if you asked her to wait just 2 years, or a year-and-a-half to become pregnant, well...what good is the relationship, if it's so fragile, and depends on her getting her way unopposed whenever there's a different in opinions? Don't you want to be with someone who respects and supports your needs? A partnership is supposed to involve mutual support, mutual give-and-take. Wouldn't you want to know that you're with someone who loves you enough to be a little flexible?
Are you afraid that if you make this very reasonable request (come one! Do you really think she couldn't wait 2 years? Or a little less, even?), that you might end up on the street, with no apartment? That's almost a type of blackmail. (Look up "blackmail".) And besides, if she doesn't agree to her terms, you wouldn't be leaving her. She's the one who would make the decision to break up. She would be leaving you.
I suspect that your fears are overblown. If she loves you, truly loves you, she can wait a little while longer. If she's just using you, would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that? If she doesn't love you enough to respect your need to at least complete your education before starting a family, the relationship won't last, anyway. It wouldn't have a solid enough foundation to last.
Tomorrow I’m going to make her a romantic dinner and we'll discuss everything. I got used to the idea of being a father and I think in next year I will be ready without a doubt.
What do you want, it is a two way street. If she is that desperate to have a kid just be careful, that is for a long time. Don't marry her, especially in an alimony state, you could get screwed in more ways that just what makes a kid. You have to look out for yourself first, as bad as selfishness sounds.
If she truly loves you, she will understand if you are not ready yet. You are still young, OP. Make sure you take time for yourself and have fun. She is years before her biological clock runs out, and not everything is about her.
If you want to marry her and have kids that's great. But do it because you WANT to. Not because you are afraid of what happens if you don't.
My fears was overblown.We had talk yesterday and we have compromise. We going to wait year and half. Shall We party some more in this year, will go a good vacation in this and next year, after that we plan quit smoking also . I didn't say this to her yesterday, but I plan to propose to her.
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. I didn't say this to her yesterday, but I plan to propose to her.
