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I’d never date anyone who was married 3 or more times. Broken picker or broken person. Either way I want no part of that.
I thought the same thing, until I found myself divorced 2x.
My girlfriend of 4 years is divorced 2x as well. We are both much smarter than before. And, we will likely get married to each other. But, we are taking it slow...
If someone WAS married three times, that means three divorces. As people get older, a third marriage that works is a real possibility. If the people married three times are younger/kids, it's a lesser possibility.
I was wondering, why do some people continue to marry after say, 2 divorced under their belt? I mean, after that point, wouldn't a 3rd marriage really be kind of an exercise in futility? Esp. a 3-timer?
At that point, wouldn't you just be better off co-habitating with a future partner at the very most?
I got married for the third time - absolutely zero regrets. ZERO. Marriage is an important institution to my husband and me. (Well, he died unexpectedly last year but we were married for fourteen fantastic years.)
We brought each other so much joy. In fact, when I was putting together the pictures for his funeral, I had a hard time finding one where he didn't have his mouth wide open laughing! He made me laugh so hard that after our first date, the next morning, I woke up and thought "Wow, why does my face, and my stomach, hurt?" It was from laughing so hard for so many hours!
Anyway, we both had kids from our previous marriages (he had also been married twice before, but we each had kids from only one of our marriages). We totally made it work though. It was a fantastic marriage and after two really bad ones each, we knew the difference between good and bad.
Here's the thing. We didn't even meet till we were both in our forties. We had both decided to better OURSELVES and quit making the same bad decisions relationship wise before we met. We did premarital counseling. We did a very in depth workbook together, which led us through all sorts of discussions, so when we did get married, we knew what we were getting into - finally.
I will never, never regret marrying that man. He literally brought nothing but joy to my life. I hope he would say the same about me. I think he would.
It may sound corny but one thing we always said was "We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other." Another thing he used to always say when we'd travel and check into a hotel was "Hey, it's our anniversary - we've been married for 50 years - just not to each other!"
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 03-16-2021 at 06:08 PM..
I don't see how one can be undamaged after 2-3 divorces.
People are so different personality wise. Also, there's counseling. Also, there's a determination to be, for lack of a better word, buoyant. There is such a thing as a change of heart.
I teach a class for disadvantaged women. Many of them have made one relationship mistake after another. I always tell them "If you want to marry a good person, you have to BE a good person. If you want to marry someone with a good credit score, you have to have a good credit score. If you want to marry someone stable, you have to be stable." I'm serious about all that too. And it works.
People can and do change, sometimes for the better. But THEY have to be the one to want the change - no one else can do it for them or force them to change.
I had to turn down a woman as a dating prospect because she was divorced 3 times. She told me she'd understand if that would be a deal breaker.
I went down the friendship road with her. The horror stories of her marriages really did a number on her. Abuse, cheating, etc etc.
I also couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't all one-sided, like she probably wasn't much of an angel either. I wonder if you asked any of her ex's questions about her, would I have gotten their side of the story?
People are so different personality wise. Also, there's counseling. Also, there's a determination to be, for lack of a better word, buoyant. There is such a thing as a change of heart.
I teach a class for disadvantaged women. Many of them have made one relationship mistake after another. I always tell them "If you want to marry a good person, you have to BE a good person. If you want to marry someone with a good credit score, you have to have a good credit score. If you want to marry someone stable, you have to be stable." I'm serious about all that too. And it works.
People can and do change, sometimes for the better. But THEY have to be the one to want the change - no one else can do it for them or force them to change.
People are so different personality wise. Also, there's counseling. Also, there's a determination to be, for lack of a better word, buoyant. There is such a thing as a change of heart.
I teach a class for disadvantaged women. Many of them have made one relationship mistake after another. I always tell them "If you want to marry a good person, you have to BE a good person. If you want to marry someone with a good credit score, you have to have a good credit score. If you want to marry someone stable, you have to be stable." I'm serious about all that too. And it works.
People can and do change, sometimes for the better. But THEY have to be the one to want the change - no one else can do it for them or force them to change.
It's great that you're passing on these factors for getting good partners to these women. I am lucky that my parents have passed on those wisdoms to me as well, and I've raised my daughter the same way. Basically, you attract the same type of people with the same values as yours.
I have a friend who is on her fourth. First was right out of high school and lasted two years. Second husband died early of a heart attack. Third a divorce. Fourth one is going on 16 or 17 years and I think it's her last one. Plus, No. 3 produced the only child, but No. 4 was more of a father than the bio dad, who eventually died along the way.
One of my sisters was married twice, each time for two years. She swore not to marry again, and she hasn't. She has been with her significant other for more than 35 years now, unmarried.
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