Advice for recently single 34F (date, sociopaths, women, love)
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OP please remember the users of Reddit and probably this forum depending on the subject are predominantly men. On Reddit mostly younger men. There will be a very high % of these men who spend a large majority of their free time online gaming at home and then complaining they can’t find a girlfriend and therefore women are trash. It’s much easier to blame others rather than accept responsibility for their own lives, get out of their basement and take the risks IRL.
So my first piece of advice would be don’t take any advice from Reddit.
If you are serious about wanting a long-term relationship and hopefully marriage then you need to find marriage minded men. Good places have a high % of Latino or Hispanic men as its still common in these communities to want to be married and have kids. I was at a Hispanic festival in the mid-west in September and it was teeming with young couples and families. Also people in Blue states and smaller cites and towns still hope to get married and are dating for marriage.
Churches and religious events are another place where men are marriage minded, and some parts of the country just have more men than women.
I just think in general there are lot more sane, balanced people out there than the impression we get from the internet. Most of the immature men with no social skills are at home bitching on Reddit, there are plenty of great men out there looking for love.
If it's depressing you, why do you keep reading it? Why do you participate there? Are you a glutton for punishment? Find healthier places to interact on the 'net, but mostly, leave the 'net behind, and get out there in real life!
Look for activities to join that interest you, whether volunteering in some capacity (animal shelters, election canvassing, environmental orgs can use volunteers), or joining hobby groups, or looking through the Meet-Up listings in your town to see what's interesting, or trying a dance venue (there may be several in your town, each focusing on a particular style: salsa, swing, folk, ballroom, contra dancing). Join a hiking or bike club, or boating in some form. Volunteer to set up a local art fair, or volunteer for a film festival. Check out your local foreign affairs council (they host distinguished speakers, former ambassadors, etc. for lecture events) or sister city committee.
Something, anything! A bowling league, an archery club. See what your town has to offer, and pick a couple of activities.
I was 33 when I met my husband and 34 when I started dating him. We've been married 40 years. I didn't feel old at 34, I still felt like I did in my 20s.
If you have a good university near you, look into its Continuing Education program. Pick a subject not too girly but that would appeal to both men and women. We did this for years, it's great fun, especially the ones that have outdoor portions of the program. There are often social elements to the program as well, picnics, dinner and dancing. Very nice quality of people.
Good luck! Life's not over, it's just beginning for you.
My experience was back in the 90s, but I was 33 and my wife 31 when we got married. We were in a church singles group with an age range from 25-45, mostly 30 somethings, and there were about 30 couples from that group get married in just a couple of years and many others who married people outside the group.
At 42, I left a 20-year marriage. I waited about 6 weeks after filing and then decided I wanted to see what the dating apps were like. Most of the guys that contacted me on Fb dating were younger. Some were obviously too young, some lied about their age - pretty easy to pick out the ones just wanting a hookup. But it was also easy to find a few that weren't looking for that.
In two weeks, I activated my profile only a few times. Went on in-person dates with 4 people and had conversations with several others. The 4th person I went on a date with was 7 years younger than me, never married. That was over a year ago and we are still together; we have been living together since March.
There wasn't any chemistry for me with the other three - it wasn't because they were only wanting hookups that things didn't work out. So, especially you being just 34 - I don't think you should be worried about finding someone.
I think women today between 50-30, need to be the pursuer not the pursued. Women are making a huge mistake in this day age still waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Instead all they get are the Mr. Wrongs.
Often good guys finish last because they don’t make the 1st move and need someone else or a situation to happen to matched with you. If you want a good guy, you need to learn how to spot the flags or details.
Don’t become like many women on dating app where all they do is set up some kind of filter for age and location only. Start searching for guys with a larger filter and look for profile that has common likes and interest than focus strictly on age. I think generally speaking at 34, you can date upwards to 10-15 yrs difference and still be fine. I cringe when I see a 20-30 yr old women that would only date guys up to 5 years older. That’s really stupid because generally speaking men are 10 years chronologically more immature than women. So a 44 year old man is about as mature as a 34 year old woman.
When chatting with a guy and starting an intro just ask what the guy does for a living and whether he likes his job and see what his response is line. Then ask what kind of relationship is he looking for, NEVER EVER say you are only looking for long term relationship. Just say you are looking for someone you can get along with see if it develops into anything more. Because when guys read that you only do LTR, that may cause them to not be as interested. Even though they could be down for LTR, it’s too much of a risk to date a woman who is only looking for LTR. Once you start dating this guy and felt the time is right then it’s time to ask about LTR.
Be upfront and direct, the more questions you ask the quicker you can determine if a guy is serious or not. Most guys who are just looking for hook up is not interested in a woman who asks too many questions.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
At a loss, and only 34.
Wow. You have got to be kidding! I'm 63 and still date a lot, OMG you are in your 30's and you think life is over because you are single and never think you'll find love again? You definitely need to see a counselor for your issues because you are a LONG way from being too old. As I've told so many before, if you stop worrying about it and stop looking someone will come along. Just focus on yourself now because until you are happy with 'you' then nobody else will be.
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I'm your age and currently married. However, I watch the manosphere stuff on YouTube all the time too..lol.. and I don't know why because it's such garbage. It can be entertaining at times, but then it's discouraging to see the hatred for women these days... But don't feel discouraged... 34 is still young. The guys who complain about post wall women are mostly incel losers anyways.
I've seen it too. There are some women that behave as they describe. There are quite a few men that behave the way the radical feminists describe. Given how many distinct and opposite personality types there are that apply to both men and women, any statement that [all] men or [all] women is ignorant.
I think women today between 50-30, need to be the pursuer not the pursued. Women are making a huge mistake in this day age still waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Instead all they get are the Mr. Wrongs.
I don't know of any men that would be turned off or offended by a woman being assertive enough to pursue them.
However, it just is not going to happen. I don't recall a single woman every hitting on me.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
At a loss, and only 34.
Spending too much time online can screw with your head, a lot of the redpill sites function as support groups to actively strengthen narcissism in men, female dating strategies seems to function in a similar way for female narcissists.
If you want to have more success with dating spend more time offline with more men in a safe environment where you can meet and interact with guys.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MKTwet
I think women today between 50-30, need to be the pursuer not the pursued. Women are making a huge mistake in this day age still waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Instead all they get are the Mr. Wrongs.
Often good guys finish last because they don’t make the 1st move and need someone else or a situation to happen to matched with you. If you want a good guy, you need to learn how to spot the flags or details.
Don’t become like many women on dating app where all they do is set up some kind of filter for age and location only. Start searching for guys with a larger filter and look for profile that has common likes and interest than focus strictly on age. I think generally speaking at 34, you can date upwards to 10-15 yrs difference and still be fine. I cringe when I see a 20-30 yr old women that would only date guys up to 5 years older. That’s really stupid because generally speaking men are 10 years chronologically more immature than women. So a 44 year old man is about as mature as a 34 year old woman.
When chatting with a guy and starting an intro just ask what the guy does for a living and whether he likes his job and see what his response is line. Then ask what kind of relationship is he looking for, NEVER EVER say you are only looking for long term relationship. Just say you are looking for someone you can get along with see if it develops into anything more. Because when guys read that you only do LTR, that may cause them to not be as interested. Even though they could be down for LTR, it’s too much of a risk to date a woman who is only looking for LTR. Once you start dating this guy and felt the time is right then it’s time to ask about LTR.
Be upfront and direct, the more questions you ask the quicker you can determine if a guy is serious or not. Most guys who are just looking for hook up is not interested in a woman who asks too many questions.
I think if a woman has the inclination to ask out men, by all means she should go for it, but often just getting out of the house and being more social, where you are interacting with people is often enough for a lot of women to meet men and get asked out too. Actually not asking men out seems to be much less of a sticking point for women, than not actually asking out women is a sticking point for men.
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