Advice for recently single 34F (men, cheating, attracted, attractiveness)
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I started dating at 42, not a problem. Never asked any out, they all asked. You get the whole range, old guys looking for younger women, young guys wanting older women, and those in your age range.
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Get off the internet and go make friends in the real world. Do the things that interest you that put you in proximity to other people and be approachable -- not needy or desperate. Just be friendly, open, and interested in those around you. Start conversations. Make nice comments to strangers when you are standing in line. Learn how to be interesting by being interested in others.
When you are approached, don't enter into unsafe situations. Have a beverage in a public place. Attend public events. Get to know the person. Be discerning. Don't be rushed. You are young and you have many years ahead of you.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
I don't think they necessarily are. First you were in a long term relationship. How long term and how many relationships before?
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According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
Well that really all depends on what you want in a guy. It's not as abysmal as it may seem. There are plenty of guys your age that don't want kids or do if you don't mind trying.
A lot of these women saying these things are what is referred to (not my words) as alpha widows. Meaning they have no interest in the guys they'd have no problem getting. After an LTR that's probably not you. These ladies want the guys that are 35 and chasing 20 year olds. Find out what the average guy in your age range looks like if that's close to your type you aren't likely going to have much trouble... Much more than you would otherwise.
I'm preaching to the choir as you know finding the one isn't easy.
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I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
I would give you the same advice is give a young man. Work on your self become independent. Find happiness, enjoy life and people will want to join you.
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Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
This seems like an expression of being hurt. Maybe you should look into talking to a psychologist, it doesn't mean you're crazy it means you're sane crazy people don't think they ever need to. It may help you work past this. There is no shortage of men that want a wife. It's just likely not going to be the 35 year olds in the top ten percent. They're either all scooped up in their 20s or they are riding the carousel with the 20 something's.
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At a loss, and only 34.
Don't dispair, there is hope. You just have to avoid the bitterness.
You mentioned the Reddit stories, that sort of thing exists in the man side too. It's largely jaded people blaming the world for something they really have more control over than they think.
A certain amount of wallowing is necessary, it is a process of grief. Just don't get pulled down into that swamp permanently.
If it's depressing you, why do you keep reading it? Why do you participate there? Are you a glutton for punishment? Find healthier places to interact on the 'net, but mostly, leave the 'net behind, and get out there in real life!
This is an interesting question. And the answer I come up with is rather sad but true. Dispair is easier than hope. Pessimism is easier than optimism. I'm an eternal sometimes annoying optimist because the morass of dispair is so comforting and hard to get out of I don't dare set foot in it ever again. Kind of like when I quit smoking I never want to touch that crap ever again. That was not something that was on my mind before I decided to quit or even while I was quitting.
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Look for activities to join that interest you, whether volunteering in some capacity (animal shelters, election canvassing, environmental orgs can use volunteers), or joining hobby groups, or looking through the Meet-Up listings in your town to see what's interesting, or trying a dance venue (there may be several in your town, each focusing on a particular style: salsa, swing, folk, ballroom, contra dancing). Join a hiking or bike club, or boating in some form. Volunteer to set up a local art fair, or volunteer for a film festival. Check out your local foreign affairs council (they host distinguished speakers, former ambassadors, etc. for lecture events) or sister city committee.
Something, anything! A bowling league, an archery club. See what your town has to offer, and pick a couple of activities.
I can't really add anything to this except for excellent advice.
I didn't but that's funny trust MQ to see that humor!
As for this "post wall" b.s. - just one more slang term this oldie has to learn, yeah, get off my lawn!! I really had NO idea what this post wall business is so I had to look it up.
For crying out loud, a lot of women don't marry or have kids until later. I was 32 and 35 when mine were born. My cousin was 35 and 39 when hers were born. One of my kids got married at 34.
I agree that one has to stop looking at all those dating sites and places like reddit, etc. The way my kids found (or find, in the case of my son) is through the sports and activities they are interested in. That's where you're going to find a guy you have something in common with, and you can make friends first. The circles both my kids (your age group) run in (different uber sports) draw tons of participants, of high quality. Lots fewer idiots to weed out.
I wish you luck, OP. Whatever you do, don't settle. I thought I had found my soulmate at age 30 and got married. It destroyed my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. Don't let that happen to you. Take your time and like others here have said, do YOU and enjoy yourself. Take yourself past your comfort zone and explore new vistas if necessary.
I didn't but that's funny trust MQ to see that humor!
As for this "post wall" b.s. - just one more slang term this oldie has to learn, yeah, get off my lawn!! I really had NO idea what this post wall business is so I had to look it up.
For crying out loud, a lot of women don't marry or have kids until later. I was 32 and 35 when mine were born. My cousin was 35 and 39 when hers were born. One of my kids got married at 34.
I agree that one has to stop looking at all those dating sites and places like reddit, etc. The way my kids found (or find, in the case of my son) is through the sports and activities they are interested in. That's where you're going to find a guy you have something in common with, and you can make friends first. The circles both my kids (your age group) run in (different uber sports) draw tons of participants, of high quality. Lots fewer idiots to weed out.
I wish you luck, OP. Whatever you do, don't settle. I thought I had found my soulmate at age 30 and got married. It destroyed my life. I couldn't have been more wrong. Don't let that happen to you. Take your time and like others here have said, do YOU and enjoy yourself. Take yourself past your comfort zone and explore new vistas if necessary.
For heaven's sake, the SF Bay Area and NYC are full of singles in their 30's and into their 40's. Do you think any of them care what the internet buzz is on singles that age? LOL! They're too busy doing interesting things with their lives. OP, you need to get yourself some self-esteem, or at least avoid places that bring yours down. That's a toxic environment you've chosen to hang out in.
RE: the bolded, in Seattle, which seems to be notorious for difficulty in socializing, I'm told that quite a few couples met via the co-ed soccer game scene. There's an organization that sets up a calendar of "social" soccer games in neighborhood parks on weekends. Apparently it's great for mixing with the opposite gender in a fun, low-key environment. Quite a few weddings have resulted, I'm told. Great if you like soccer. People who don't, look elsewhere.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
At a loss, and only 34.
Every time I read this post it just really bothers me. You actually feel like life itself has passed you by and poor poor pitiful you, it's all over for you and you aren't even at a really good mature age yet. Maybe that's why you have this mentality, which is very messed up. You really need psychotherapy, something is very wrong with your thinking.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
At a loss, and only 34.
Reddit isn't anything close to real life. It's disportionately filled with people who are single and lack social lives. There are many people with social lives and relationships but they don't have a need to post on those types of reddits.
I notice redditors make hard rules like "once you hit this age, X happens", or "you need to do XYZ, before you can get into a relationship". But what they don't realize is that if there's genuine chemistry and the 2 people like each other, they won't make a bunch of rules and stipulations - they'll make it happen. It's trial and error. Maybe you'll met 19 guys that that there's no chemistry with before the 20th has the spark.
Are there any social events, social hobbies, meetup groups, etc. in your area? Another option would be to make friends in town, go to some parties. And maybe you'll meet a partner through mutual friends.
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