Advice for recently single 34F (marry, woman, singles, therapy)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago and I’m finally ready to date again. However, after reading through multiple dating forums (Reddit) and here, I’m reaching the conclusion that as a 34 year old woman, my chances of getting into a successful long term relationship are…abysmal.
According to the internet posters nowadays I’m “Post wall” in terms of fertility and attractiveness. Even men my age would rather date a woman in their 20s. Women in their 30s are just seen for hook ups only.
I’ve been distraught these last few weeks at the idea that it’s over for me. It wasn’t like I was “riding the c**** carousel” throughout my 20s- just the long term relationships I was in were not successful (I also moved states twice for work which didn’t help). Reading through Reddit forums and this forum has made me seriously depressed and I no longer want to put an effort in anything in my life. Because face it, it’s over for me as a woman at my age.
Every time I try to stop reading this type of content, I end up getting pulled back in and feeding my brain more hate. I’ve also looked at the men I do end up having dates with suspiciously, like they’re not going to take me seriously as a long term prospect due to my age.
At a loss, and only 34.
Don't do this to yourself. I met my husband when I was 44. Got married at 45, and I've been married 20 years. If YOU don't believe in you, how can you expect anything different from anyone else?
The stuff you are reading is garbage. I am in my early 50s and think women in their mid-to-late 30s are beautiful. They are typically mature, have some kind of career with ambitions, and in general have their stuff together. Sure women in their 20s are sexy, but for a long-term relationship they typically aren't going to have what I am looking for in a partner. They are fun in bed, but beyond that no thanks.
You need to heal after the last situation. Stay away from manosphere sites. That is the last place you should waste your time. I have yet to see any good or insightful advice for either gender. It’s not targeted for women, it’s to make women targets. For men, creating sociopaths seems the goal.
Focus on bettering yourself and finding passion and purpose on your own. Be careful about feeling vulnerable now. You might be shaken by past disappointment still. Probably shouldn't get involved with anyone you don't get to know first as friends. That takes time. Never do things out of desperation or depression. Ime, only bad comes out of it. When you are strong and fulfilled, excited about progress in your life, you likely will meet someone equal in motivations and goals.
Anyone who has a head full of this kind of radioactive garbage ideology needs to flush it and rinse it and put some time into building a healthier environment inside of their own skull, in order to be really and truly dateable.
In the case of a woman, hypothetically, who is reading these things and letting it get to her, she's gonna feel uncomfortable with men who are truly good partner-material because she's carrying around a stinky bag of mental trash that keeps gibbering in her head about how worthless she is. If you do not believe that you have value, you will not be comfortable partnering with someone who has value. You may "find" such men, but you'll come up with some reason why you're just not feeling it on the early dates. You'll have that suspicion, wondering what they could possibly see in you, because you're blind to anything good to see in yourself. If you're posting this in good faith (and I'm not at all sure of that) as an actual woman having this actual problem, then you know this, you even explained it.
You are letting the trolls win.
I got into the dating market at age 36 and I had the time of my life. I found a wonderful man, and though I didn't expect to remarry, I did quite happily. And even some of the people I dated but did not end up with, evolved into friendships that I expect will be lifelong, like they are "chosen family" to my husband and I both now. To say that they were quality individuals would be an understatement. And not only was I 36, I was still living in the basement of the home I was sharing with a crazy and dangerous ex husband, only broken up and not yet legally divorced, and had two teenage sons. And while I look alright, I am a smoker and I have tattoos. I am also not even a very feminine or girly woman. I don't do heels or makeup, not even on a first date. All of those things are "supposedly" dealbreakers for tons of guys, some guys would imagine no way a good man would be with someone thusly described...and yet.
What I had going for me? Confidence, good humor, a genuine desire to exchange good company and good times. An unshakeable belief that my best years were ahead and anyone who joins me for the ride is going to benefit. Sure I had baggage, but who doesn't? I had no doubts of my ability to stow it away neatly and was actively working towards that end.
If someone like me can get the very good results I ended up getting in life and in love... It's pretty absurd for you to be letting a bunch of sour grapes incels tell you that it's hopeless. Although you can make it hopeless, if you choose to believe it.
I assume you are concerned about your fertility and my advice would be to look for a man who is ready for Marriage. I would look for someone who doesn't already have kids and is stable and has a stable employment. Don't waste time with losers and put yourself out there..good luck.
I assume you are concerned about your fertility and my advice would be to look for a man who is ready for Marriage. I would look for someone who doesn't already have kids and is stable and has a stable employment. Don't waste time with losers and put yourself out there..good luck.
I am unsure if I am concerned about fertility, or just the appearance of being fertile to men since that’s a factor in attraction. I do look like im in my 20s, so that’s a plus.
In reality, I have a genetic condition (brittle bones) that has a 50% chance of being passed down to my kids. So, unless I have something like IVF to prevent passing the bad genes, it’s probably best I don’t have biological children anyway.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
