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Ivory do you really want to base YOUR decisions on the rantings of OTHER BITTER people reading and feeding their own personal pain into your problems.
Three counselors have said he is a functional alcoholic.
What part of that don't you get?
I'd say offhand that licensed trained professionals know more about alcoholic behavior
than random people on some forum, especially those that are drinkers themselves.
Sure, you can go down to a bar and walk in and ask, "Am I an alcoholic?" and sure everyone there will say, "No you are not." Fine. Consider the source.
Three counselors have said he is a functional alcoholic.
What part of that don't you get?
I'd say offhand that licensed trained professionals know more about alcoholic behavior
than random people on some forum, especially those that are drinkers themselves.
Sure, you can go down to a bar and walk in and ask, "Am I an alcoholic?" and sure everyone there will say, "No you are not." Fine. Consider the source.
You are assuming that she is telling the truth. You are assuming she gave the counselor a correct picture of his drinking and drinking habits. You are assuming I drink in excess. Funny thing is I have had 5 alcohol drinks in the last 4 years. 3 of those in the last week. I was not staying away from alcohol due to a problem. I just did not want to drink. It is in the house and has been.
Just because you don't drink or can't imagine people being able to drink without abusing it means nothing. It does suggest however that you have a problem controlling impulse behavior. Maybe not. Maybe just no experience with people who can control themselves around mood enhancers of any kind.
I don't know.
The real question is if she wants to get over the problems or not. All of the rest of what you, me, or anyone else has to say makes no difference. At all.
Is it just me or is defining a man that has 4 drinks a month an alcoholic. Look unless this guy is like 50 pounds he is not becoming intoxicated much less impaired.
Ivory did not say he is drinking 3 or 4 times a month. She said he has one drink three or four times a month. This is not a binge drinker. This is not escape drinking. It is an example of healthy moderate consumption.
I am not saying the guy never had a problem or consumed too much at one time. Fact is he is not displaying (from this example) alcoholic tendencies.
This is again another example of an aspect of THEIR relationship getting blown way out of proportion.
Ivory do you really want to base YOUR decisions on the rantings of OTHER BITTER people reading and feeding their own personal pain into your problems.
My gosh I have had a terrible experience with Marriage yet I still say if you want to make it work and making it work well end up with you happy...... DO IT.
I also say if you don't want it to work LEAVE.
Boneheaded, I have to agree with you again. If she wants it to work it can work. I thought of her at church this morning. The pastor was saying your dreams, goals and hopes have to be greater than your (bad) memories, to have a future. I think that is it in a nutshell. Do you want to make this marriage work? Do you want to be happy in it? Good advise I thought. I hope it helps.
If you want to die beautiful, you better die young. With age things change and that visual trash that men like, fades. If he is the kind that will cheat because of what he sees in his wife's outsides, then there is no marriage to begin with. Staying loyal is far more than that. Far more. It has to be a commitment that will be kept thru the good times and the bad, and no matter what, the promise that was made, no matter how long ago. The decision to cheat is his decision, not hers. That's my opinion, for what it's worth. Some women do it all and still the men cheat.
The poster was saying, in the very kindest way, that we women have what we have....plain, cute, simple, stunning, whatever. At least try to be the girl he first looked at. Like you were still dating. Take a shower every day, practice good hygeine, don't gain 200 pounds because you've caught your man and looks no longer matter (to you), make sure to change your clothes and especially your underwear. You wouldn't go to the mall wearing stained pajamas, would you? Everyone has pride in their appearances, but with our men, sometimes we forget.
We all age. It's normal. We all gain some pounds. Heck, I quit smoking and gained 20 pounds from 5' 6" and 115, and I HATE myself in the mirror! But I'm changing some things and will be back to normal if I have to starve myself. For me and for him. He would still want me if I weighed 200 pounds, but I want to be the girl he first asked out that day two years ago, after having me review his expensive roadster and look under the hood...LOL! What a treat! Him, not the car.
Personally, I don't wear makeup everyday. Only when I have to do something important or we go out. I find I end up looking like a raccoon after a couple hours and being a signmaker, if I am working, the vinyl adhesives will pull fingernail polish right off the nails. It's just easier for me to go unmade. He doesn't mind.
I've seen 70-year-old BEAUTIFUL women...smart dressers, stylish hair...silver...kind smiles...matronly figures...yes, some wrinkles. But it does not detract from their beauty. They are still trophy wives to their lucky men, no matter how much they weigh.
If a woman is proud of herself, she should be proud to be with her man and put on her best for him, whatever that may be.
Yes, and still some men are nasty cheaters. And some women. The very worst homewreckers I have met have been women looking for a "challenge", with no clue to the damage they cause, especially to children.
The poster was saying, in the very kindest way, that we women have what we have....plain, cute, simple, stunning, whatever. At least try to be the girl he first looked at. Like you were still dating. Take a shower every day, practice good hygeine, don't gain 200 pounds because you've caught your man and looks no longer matter (to you), make sure to change your clothes and especially your underwear. You wouldn't go to the mall wearing stained pajamas, would you? Everyone has pride in their appearances, but with our men, sometimes we forget.
We all age. It's normal. We all gain some pounds. Heck, I quit smoking and gained 20 pounds from 5' 6" and 115, and I HATE myself in the mirror! But I'm changing some things and will be back to normal if I have to starve myself. For me and for him. He would still want me if I weighed 200 pounds, but I want to be the girl he first asked out that day two years ago, after having me review his expensive roadster and look under the hood...LOL! What a treat! Him, not the car.
Personally, I don't wear makeup everyday. Only when I have to do something important or we go out. I find I end up looking like a raccoon after a couple hours and being a signmaker, if I am working, the vinyl adhesives will pull fingernail polish right off the nails. It's just easier for me to go unmade. He doesn't mind.
I've seen 70-year-old BEAUTIFUL women...smart dressers, stylish hair...silver...kind smiles...matronly figures...yes, some wrinkles. But it does not detract from their beauty. They are still trophy wives to their lucky men, no matter how much they weigh.
If a woman is proud of herself, she should be proud to be with her man and put on her best for him, whatever that may be.
Yes, and still some men are nasty cheaters. And some women. The very worst homewreckers I have met have been women looking for a "challenge", with no clue to the damage they cause, especially to children.
Congrats on quitting smoking. That is a complete other thread, but I've been there and done that too. I know it is no easy accomplishment. Good for you!
The recent thread on cheating really reopened wounds for me. I had lulled myself into a false sense of security, even convincing myself I was happy, but talking about it just reminded me how easily I'm replacable for him. I find myself pulling back again...afraid of being hurt again.
Do you ever really get over a partners affair? Or does it just get dredged up over and over again until you, finally, give up and walk away?
If you have a lot of history with your partner (20 plus yrs) and it's the first and only time, it hurts, but forgive and consider counseling to help yourself heal. If you don't have much hx and are afraid he's a LLPOF chronically, dump this loser, and move on with your life. There are true blue guys who will appreciate you, and be faithful, because "us" means more to them than himself (or whatever weird nickname he calls his Johnson).. And remember, it's says more about him than you. One of my favorite quotes is "show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of making love to her". I don't like to sling mud, but I think in the guy world, variety is more important to them than to us. Best wishes for a wonderful future.
If you have a lot of history with your partner (20 plus yrs) and it's the first and only time, it hurts, but forgive and consider counseling to help yourself heal. If you don't have much hx and are afraid he's a LLPOF chronically, dump this loser, and move on with your life. There are true blue guys who will appreciate you, and be faithful, because "us" means more to them than himself (or whatever weird nickname he calls his Johnson).. And remember, it's says more about him than you. One of my favorite quotes is "show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of making love to her". I don't like to sling mud, but I think in the guy world, variety is more important to them than to us. Best wishes for a wonderful future.
You said it! I agree with the variety is more important to a lot of them, and that goes for male and females alike. THAT is what makes a lot of them stray. I like that quote. It speaks volumes.
She looked like a raccoon at 86 trying to do make up through cataracts. My grandfather never told her how bad the make up looked. He would smile and get a look of heart felt happiness when she came into the dinning room. No matter how bad a job she did at applying the make up.
*sniffle*
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Getting over partner cheating......
. And remember, it's says more about him than you. One of my favorite quotes is "show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of making love to her". I don't like to sling mud, but I think in the guy world, variety is more important to them than to us. Best wishes for a wonderful future.