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Actually, my take on this is that you can tell the people that understand what it means to be in love
And those who live in a lala dream land too.
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But we love each other unconditionally. He could gain 100 pounds and I would still love him
I am not saying love is lost if someone gains weight. It’s just how it seems couples don’t put effort anymore on things they did while dating. Ok, I’ll put it this way, imagine a guy who sends flowers to his girl’s office, takes her out on fancy dinners, buys her jewelry, etc. but after their wedding night he does NONE OF THOSE THINGS anymore. How about the girlfriend who puts some effort on at least combing her hair, going to the gym to remain in sexy attractive shape for her guy, watches what she eats, etc. But once married, she does NONE OF THAT. Sure, the couple can still love each other but…why change like that?
Sure, nature takes its course when it comes to physical changes but effort does not lose its course necessarily through the years.
It’s nice and all to say that all we need is love but someone that loves also puts some effort in the relationship, and in this case (the thread’s subject), when it comes to eating responsibly and exercising. Of course, the easy way out is to say “If he loves me, he better accept me how I am (fat)”. Imagine a guy that doesn't put that much effort to provide saying "If she loves me, she better accept me how I am." We've seen threads here from women who are with men who don't work or don't make much and how they are told to quickly get rid of that good-for-nothing man. If we lived in LaLa Land we could tell those women to remain with them because it should all be about love and acceptance.
Let's put that bigmac down and munch on the salad instead . Besides, being fat is just not healthy. Do it for your own good and your spouse will be happy with the results too. Two birds with one stone .
I am not saying love is lost if someone gains weight. It’s just how it seems couples don’t put effort anymore on things they did while dating. Ok, I’ll put it this way, imagine a guy who sends flowers to his girl’s office, takes her out on fancy dinners, buys her jewelry, etc. but after their wedding night he does NONE OF THOSE THINGS anymore. How about the girlfriend who puts some effort on at least combing her hair, going to the gym to remain in sexy attractive shape for her guy, watches what she eats, etc. But once married, she does NONE OF THAT. Sure, the couple can still love each other but…why change like that?
Sure, nature takes its course when it comes to physical changes but effort does not lose its course necessarily through the years.
It’s nice and all to say that all we need is love but someone that loves also puts some effort in the relationship, and in this case (the thread’s subject), when it comes to eating responsibly and exercising. Of course, the easy way out is to say “If he loves me, he better accept me how I am (fat)”. Imagine a guy that doesn't put that much effort to provide saying "If she loves me, she better accept me how I am." We've seen threads here from women who are with men who don't work or don't make much and how they are told to quickly get rid of that good-for-nothing man. If we lived in LaLa Land we could tell those women to remain with them because it should all be about love and acceptance.
Let's put that bigmac down and munch on the salad instead .
Reading your posts always reminds me of Matt Damon's role in Good Will Hunting. It's sort of like - you've googled love, you've read some people's posts about relationships, you've seen a few movies and read a few books about love - and you have all these opinions and ideas about love - but you don't actually know what it's like to be in love.
In a relationship where love exists - when problems arise, you talk about them with your spouse. You work things through with your spouse. People rarely gain large amounts of weight with out some sort of reason - whether it be medical or emotional. If it's medical - well, obviously the spouse has not let him or herself go. If it's emotional - then the emtional aspect needs to be addressed. Weight gain is usually a symptom - not the problem. However, if you are upset that your spouse has gained 10 pounds and gone up a dress size - then the problem is you and not the spouse!
As for all that other crap you mentioned - job, flowers, gym membership, jewelry, etc. - these are not the things that relationships are based on. If these are the things that a relationship is based on - I don't see much of a future for said relationship.
Actually, my take on this is that you can tell the people that understand what it means to be in love. I'm not fat. My husband is not fat. But we love each other unconditionally. He could gain 100 pounds and I would still love him. He says the same about me. I wouldn't have married him if he was as shallow as many of the people on this thread. As people get older - their bodies change. It's just a matter of nature. Are you going to turn in your spouse for younger model because they aren't the same exact size as when you married them 20 years earlier?
I have a feeling that many of the people on this thread would be changing their tune if they actually knew what it was like to love someone body and soul.
Yep! I've said on other threads that 20-25 pounds in either direction isn't going to make a difference in my relationship. First he gained it because of injury. Then I did because of surgery. He, being younger and male, is losing it more quickly. I, being older and female, sucked it up and bought a pair of jeans in a larger size when he gave me a gift card to Old Navy--which was his way of saying it's not a big deal. I'm prepared for it to stick with me no matter what I do because everything about my body is different now, and sorry, I'm not going to live on lettuce, water, and vitamins, nor am I, at age 44, going to live with aches, pains, and muscle soreness because I am a spaz and I always manage to pull or wrench something several months into a workout routine. If getting more rest, walking 6 miles several times a week, and cutting back a bit on eating doesn't do it, OH WELL. It's better than being a hungry, irritable harpy with a never-ending starvation headache--which will do far more to wreck a relationship and a sex life than a few extra pounds.
The young people in this thread, especially the young men, are in for a huge surprise later in life. Do yourselves a favor and don't get married until you learn about menopause.
Reading your posts always reminds me of Matt Damon's role in Good Will Hunting. It's sort of like - you've googled love, you've read some people's posts about relationships, you've seen a few movies and read a few books about love - and you have all these opinions and ideas about love - but you don't actually know what it's like to be in love
Reading your posts reminds me of teenage love where you think that even love can pay the bills.
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In a relationship where love exists - when problems arise, you talk about them with your spouse. You work things through with your spouse
That's right. But how about when a woman gets comfortably fat and when the husband talks to her about it she complains "Well, love me for who I am? Ok?!" Some women out there can get quite emotional when it comes to their weight, being in shape, etc. I repeat "when the husband wants to TALK with her about it..."
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People rarely gain large amounts of weight with out some sort of reason - whether it be medical or emotional. If it's medical - well, obviously the spouse has not let him or herself go. If it's emotional - then the emtional aspect needs to be addressed. Weight gain is usually a symptom - not the problem. However, if you are upset that your spouse has gained 10 pounds and gone up a dress size - then the problem is you and not the spouse!
How about when the spouse doesn't eat responsibly and makes an effort to work out ANYMORE? Just like she did before getting married. See, besides talking about it it also takes some effort. Of course, the easy way out is saying that your spouse is rude and cold for not accepting you the way you are.
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As for all that other crap you mentioned - job, flowers, gym membership, jewelry, etc. - these are not the things that relationships are based on. If these are the things that a relationship is based on - I don't see much of a future for said relationship.
And all the crap you mentioned about being in good shape as well is not what relationships are ALL ABOUT but they do play a role. Imagine if your guy stopped doing all those sweet things you like about him. Wouldn't that raise an eyebrow? Wouldn't you want to talk about it and see what's going on? Or are you going to say "doesn't matter if he stops being sweet with me, if he stops working...It's all about love". Come on, really . No couple out there is perfect and there will be things that come out that you or he won't like and will either let it go or it will make someone uncomfortable. Believe me, even in your relationship you will see this even if you think your relationship is perfect, flawless, etc. Welcome to reality.
This is why some of us prefer to remain single. There is no way I'm living on carrot sticks and water crackers to look hot for whiny guy who can't handle real life. Most people naturally gain weight as they age, it's totally normal. Moderate exercise is important for health but depriving oneself of decent satisfying food and going to bed hungry is stupid.
"prefer to remain single" or prefer to have carte blanche to remain tubby and sloppy?
And, as a personal trainer and lifeling athlete, I have to inform you that it's not "totally normal" to gain weight as you get older. Up until about 20 years ago when processed food and an absurd amount of saturated fats and sugar became staples of the American diet, a very small percentage of people were obese or even overweight in childhood and even middle-age. Now it's epidemic.
And you don't have to deprive yourself of decent food to stay fit. "Satisfying food?" Well, maybe, if satisfying is a pint of Cherry Garcia three times a week.
Look--if you want to pretend it's normal to be soft and pudgy, and that form of denial is working for ya, fine. But please refrain from attempting to convey mis-information by stating that unhealthy weight gain is normal.
As a health professional I take exception to it.
Divorcing a spouse for unsightly weight gain and an unsatisfying sex life is perfectly justifiable in my book. Call me superfluous if you must, but I simply feel it's false advertising for a woman to gain 20 or 30 lbs. and chop-off their hair after getting a ring; just because the chase is over and they think they can relax. It shows a lack of respect for the spouse as well.
I could never, ever even date a fat chick. Let alone marry one. Or stay married to one.
Life is far, far too short. Sex is one of the incredible joys of life! Why deprive yourself of it from staying married to someone who fails to satisfy you?
Fat people have it too easy in America today. Maybe if they were held accountable for their lack of discipline and respect for themselves and their mates, by being kicked to the curb or at least dreided for it, the obesity problem wouldn't be of epidemic proportions and the rest of the world wouldn't laugh at us for being fat and lazy and stupid. (yeah..a crappy diet and too much sugar dulls your brain, too!)
This has got to stop, people. Let us hold the fatties accountable; they will thank us in the long run, and America may one day have a chance to return to its former Greatness.
Reading your posts reminds me of teenage love where you think that even love can pay the bills.
That's right. But how about when a woman gets comfortably fat and when the husband talks to her about it she complains "Well, love me for who I am? Ok?!" Some women out there can get quite emotional when it comes to their weight, being in shape, etc. I repeat "when the husband wants to TALK with her about it..."
How about when the spouse doesn't eat responsibly and makes an effort to work out ANYMORE? Just like she did before getting married. See, besides talking about it it also takes some effort. Of course, the easy way out is saying that your spouse is rude and cold for not accepting you the way you are.
And all the crap you mentioned about being in good shape as well is not what relationships are ALL ABOUT but they do play a role. Imagine if your guy stopped doing all those sweet things you like about him. Wouldn't that raise an eyebrow? Wouldn't you want to talk about it and see what's going on? Or are you going to say "doesn't matter if he stops being sweet with me, if he stops working...It's all about love". Come on, really . No couple out there is perfect and there will be things that come out that you or he won't like and will either let it go or it will make someone uncomfortable. Believe me, even in your relationship you will see this even if you think your relationship is perfect, flawless, etc. Welcome to reality.
Talk to me when you have actually been in love or are married! I've been happily married for 6 years and have been with my husband for a little over 9 years. Forgive me if I trust my judgement on this more than yours! I'm actually talking from experience.
Divorcing a spouse for unsightly weight gain and an unsatisfying sex life is perfectly justifiable in my book.
I agree with you there. Problem that you'll find here is that a lot of the overweight people will try to bring up things like "Oh, so what if the weight gain was due to health issues ......blah blah blah". Health issues is one thing, but totally letting yourself go for sake of being lazy and slobbenly is totally another. Unsatisfying sex life AND massive weight gain, or massive weight gain that leads to an unsatisfying sex life are both horrible and definitely means for divorce. That not only shows that you care nothing about yourself, it shows that you care nothing at all about your spouse as well.
It would probably be in my husband's best "financial" interest if I gained weight. I'd shop less. Unfortunately for him, if he wants me to look "hot," it's gonna' cost him...so he needs to hold up his end of the deal = make $$$.
I see a distinction between voluntary and involuntary changes. If you love and respect your spouse - and the issue matters to them - you will make positive changes to preserve and enhance the relationship. If you do not do this, then you don't care enough about your relationship and should not expect your spouse to accept your bad habits and disrespect. Accept personal responsibility for your choices, both good and bad.
Involuntary changes and events are different, in my mind, because they do not involve disrespect for the relationship, or selfish choices, unless the involuntary change is the result of earlier, voluntary bad choices that your spouse took exception to at the time.
While I think this sounds noble, I'm not sure how "it was an involuntary change" really makes a difference. If it's OK for a person to divorce a spouse for getting fat (unattractive, bad sex), why does the reason matter? If not having good sex with an attractive person is a dealbreaker, what does cancer or PCOS or anything matter? It's not like the healthy spouse looks at the sick one and is magically attracted to him or her--I mean the people who say they'd break up if the other one got fat. "Caring about the relationship" isn't going to replace a satisfying sex life, is it? And isn't that the point of contention?
I can't wrap my head around the duality of it.
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. Besides, being fat is just not healthy. Do it for your own good and your spouse will be happy with the results too. Two birds with one stone 
.
. No couple out there is perfect and there will be things that come out that you or he won't like and will either let it go or it will make someone uncomfortable. Believe me, even in your relationship you will see this even if you think your relationship is perfect, flawless, etc. Welcome to reality.
