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You cheated on him because he couldnt fix things around the house?
Classy
If these traits were scuh a turnoff to you why did you marry him in the first place?
He could not:
Fix the house
Pay any bills
Talk to people on the phone about house repairs
Pay the mortgage
Pay for the food in the refridgerator.
Make a decision about anything related to us
I used fixing the house to keep my post brief... even a man with no financial means whatsoever is willing to pick up a hammer and give it the old college try. Not my ex.
Right or wrong, he was no longer a man in my eyes, and once that happened I fell out of love.
Fix the house
Pay any bills
Talk to people on the phone about house repairs
Pay the mortgage
Pay for the food in the refridgerator.
Make a decision about anything related to us
I used fixing the house to keep my post brief... even a man with no financial means whatsoever is willing to pick up a hammer and give it the old college try. Not my ex.
Right or wrong, he was no longer a man in my eyes, and once that happened I fell out of love.
If he couldnt evne support the family and pay bills thats a problem i agree though still no reason to cheat,why not tell him to clean his act up or then you will leave?
The other stuff is trivial just seems like you are very old fashioned and think every Man should be able to do certain things..
somewhere in here someone asked for an update from me.
So here goes. Its been over a year since she told me about the affair. We both went to marriage counseling as well as individual counseling. We are still married and at this point our relation is better, I am more receptive and understanding of her needs and issues and she is to mine.
I still hurt although much less. She has had no contact with him and has told me evrything.
She was wrong, she admits it but i do realize that because i was so focused on me, my work, myself and the kids i didnt give her the support she needs. And that pushed her to get into the situation that she allowed to happen of which she admits she is guilty of.
We still have work to do. But with continued diligence and support i believe we will have the marriage that I always wanted.
The thoughts still haunt me regularly but less intensely and less frequently. I hope this can help someone who is now just starting to go through this. You can turn it ultimately into a learning and growing (as horrible as it is) experience.
I was dating a married man, for over a year, kind of strange relationship because his wife knew about it, we were not buddy buddy, but she had an affair then he did, they both had affairs to strange he got off on her having sex with other guys, I broke it up when he tried to fix me up!
About a year ago my wife cheated on me. I wasnt giving her the attentiona and emotional support she needed. I was very focused on work and the kids (we have three). The affair was very breif and we are working thru it. I try not to press for too many of her deep feelings but I have forgiven her but I often wonder what does she feel. Guilt? Shame? Excitement she pulled it off (i dont think so).
Any thoughts?
There is no excuse for cheating. If she told you she cheated on you because she was getting emotional support. GET REAL. She should of been a woman about it, but no she went behind your back and said she did it because she was getting the attention
Im sorry but why did you take her back?
"I wasnt giving her the attentiona and emotional support she needed. I was very focused on work and the kids (we have three)."
B U L L S H I T
Driving someone into another person's arms is a load of crap and just another example of the worst kind of blame shifting ever inflicted on society. It's nothing more than a shallow excuse. The fact that anyone bought it, let alone how prevalent it has become, is proof positive how emasculated males have become in western society.
As for how she probably feels, it's probably a mix of guilt, shame, and mild indignation...from getting caught. Before anyone found out she was perfectly fine and willing with taking the high hard one from the other dude. The only thing that changed is she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. That sense of want and desire is still there under the tears and assurances it'll never happen again. All that stuff she's fronting is really just a form of damage control and protecting her image, as well her ego.
My thoughts exactly. All he did was enable her to cheat again at some point in the future by taking responsibility for her infidelity. Once a cheater always a cheater. Plus any kids they have now have a 30% chance of being some other guy's. Good job! /golfclap
Well said. The War On Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers goes into great detail about the emasculation of boys in the public school system and by western society in general. Feminists have seen to it that masculinity is a negative thing which must be expunged from society.
This is what's known as a backwards rationalization. She cheated on her husband years ago, but somehow in her warped logic it was justified because of something that wouldn't happen for several years. Riiiight.
So dumb, yet so typical. Hey sherlock, the other guy isnt' the one that cheated on the OP or who broke his wedding vows to him. All the blame rests with his wife. PERIOD! Doens't matter that it takes two to tango, all of the responsiblity rests on her shoulders as she's the cheating party.
Totally agree...Now she knows she can blame him for anything she chooses when she does something wrong. No "P" is made of gold married to it or not.
There is no excuse for cheating. If she told you she cheated on you because she was getting emotional support. GET REAL. She should of been a woman about it, but no she went behind your back and said she did it because she was getting the attention
Im sorry but why did you take her back?
Read his update. They are doing much better. Things are working out. This is one time where I wished people read the entire thing.
Stop raining on his parade with your immature comment.
Read his update. They are doing much better. Things are working out. This is one time where I wished people read the entire thing.
Stop raining on his parade with your immature comment.
Yeah I read it and he continues to blame himself for the infidelity on her part. If they are doing much better than why is posting for advice?
Read the post half think he's stupid for taking her back.
Not everyone think cheating is justified,...maybe you do
Since the OP is back, I'll respond. I cheated on my husband when I was married. In my case, I just didn't see him as being a "man" by the last couple of years of our marriage. He wasn't a fixer, he was barely employed here and there, and anytime there was a household problem to be solved either I had to take care of it or it didn't get done. I was exhausted; it was too much of a burden for me. The man I slept with a few times was a real "go getter" type who was very much in control of himself and his destiny. Given what I had at home, this was very exciting to me.
I have a friend who cheated on her husband for different reasons - and I think this is very common. Her husband was a hard worker, used to work long hours, commute a lot etc in order to put a roof over the family's heads and food on the table. She felt neglected because he wasn't around, and didn't feel loved, so she sought out attention elsewhere. In this instance - and maybe yours is the same - I think that its a case of men and women viewing a situation differently, in a gender specific way. I know (now) that to a man he is thinking that he is working so hard, sacrificing personal time because he loves his wife. And women, they don't view these actions as a loving thing. They want to hear about love, they want to feel it. Neither are understanding each other.
My opinion regarding infidelity in general, is that a marriage can survive male infidelity far more easily than female infidelity. I don't think a man can handle the thought of a another guy's penis inside of his wife, and if he ejaculates in her... forget it! I know that you, OP, say you have forgiven her but its highly possible you are only trying to convince yourself.
Either way good luck.
Why is it that when a man cheats it's the man's fault, but when a woman cheats it's the man's fault, too? I mean, why can't a woman say, "Sorry. I was just really horny and the right guy came along at the right moment."
Yeah I read it and he continues to blame himself for the infidelity on her part. If they are doing much better than why is posting for advice?
Read the post half think he's stupid for taking her back.
Not everyone think cheating is justified,...maybe you do
It doesn't matter what we think at this point. He is moving on. Comments like yours are useless at this point of the thread.
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one year later
