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Wow, this is turning into a battle of the sexes. Sigh.
I understand that men don't like having to do all the "work," but if a guy really likes a girl, then is it all still labeled as "work?"
I like to be pursued by guys. For me, it separates the guys who really want to get to know me from the guys who just want to get to know my naked body.
The latter are the guys who put in the most "effort". I'm surprised that this fact has never got through to women! I suppose that men know this because they see it from the other side.
Well I see this a lot too and what I think it's all about is they have failings in their own self and are looking to another person to top up the tank.
I think a person that is whole within themselves is looking for someone to add to their life. On the other hand if they are looking for someone to complete their life, then they will probably always be looking. It's this endless void of neediness that will try to be filled with everything from cupcakes to gambling to driving their partner and children mad. They are always looking for others to make them happy or whole.
And I have to admit in my 20's I was looking for someone to complete me. After some epiphanies I had on some overseas trips away from everything, along with life experience I realized I was barking up the wrong tree. I am the creator of my own happiness and world around me and I shouldn't force that responsibility on others. Now I have a fulfilled life, every day is a great day with a lot of variety(never ever bored or lack something to do) and I am self realized in my relationships with friends and family and with the work I do.
This is one of the most brilliant posts I have read on City-Data yet. You are so fortunate to have had those epiphanies early in your life. So many never do ...ever.
men have really changed over the years. See my other comments please. This is not about a princess complex....this is about trying to understand how much you guys have changed over the years.
Its women who have changed. The birth control pill and the subsequent changes in sexual morality have enabled younger women to "pursue" men above their level. Of course, the real pursuit is by the lucky 10 to 20 % of men they find attractive and who know they can get a lot of easy sex while they hold out for their ideal women they intend to marry. Most women don't understand this very well and instead blame "men" for being phobic about commitment.
This then means that most men (the remaining 80 to 90%) have had a much harder time in the relationship game than 40 years ago. They don't have any "confidence" as a result and women really resent this. By the time they are in their 40s, they have little interest in courting further abuse.
Okay, here is the disconnect.
I'm not saying that it's completely inappropriate for a woman to approach a man and ask for a number. If a woman is confident in herself, it's sexy. The turn-off part is when a woman starts to "chase" a man.
Another thing is, the whole original topic of the thread is "why don't men pursue women anymore?". Original post states that a woman gets numbers from men, but they don't ask her for one. This is when many of us step in and say: If a man is really interested, he will pursue and if he doesn't pursue, then he is not that interested. It's not about being confident and asking for a number, it's about not being asked for one. This is a discussion at hand.
I've said it before but I'll say it more succinctly now, after which I'm done with this thread:
You ASKED for input from men but you seem to want to listen ONLY to what women have to say on the matter.
I'm not saying no woman has anything to say on the matter; they certainly offer another perspective which should be heeded.
But IGNORING male input or marking it "wrong" when it doesn't say what you want it to say will never answer your questions on this matter. Just saying we're "bitter" because we have something to say which you deem negative... well, wouldn't that pretty much invalidate Feminism as a whole, indicate that it was just started by a bunch of bitter, old hags who never really had a valid point?
You don't get that many bitter men without a single, solitary reason.
Its women who have changed. The birth control pill and the subsequent changes in sexual morality have enabled younger women to "pursue" men above their level. Of course, the real pursuit is by the lucky 10 to 20 % of men they find attractive and who know they can get a lot of easy sex while they hold out for their ideal women they intend to marry. Most women don't understand this very well and instead blame "men" for being phobic about commitment.
This then means that most men (the remaining 80 to 90%) have had a much harder time in the relationship game than 40 years ago. They don't have any "confidence" as a result and women really resent this. By the time they are in their 40s, they have little interest in courting further abuse.
Correct. Let me elaborate on what you said.
Since feminism, women expect a level of perfection from men that they do not even hold themselves to. Holding men to extrememly high standards. The result? Decent men with a good head on their shoulders who get rejected, who then go overseas and have a much better time. How is this good for a man's confidence while hearing over and over again in the media that men are pigs? Then being raised by single mothers does not help. Lack of support from society further deteriorates a guy's confidence.
When these men are in their late 20s, 30s and 40s making $100,000 a year, the last thing they want to do is settle down and have kids. Then the women claim that they cannot get married and find a guy who wants a committment. These guys would rather bang different women every year around the globe than settle down with used up women.
It's the women who lose out because a guy's value increases as he gets older.
All I know is I go after what I want. I make life happen. I learned a long time ago if I wait for life to happen around me...it kinda never does
That goes for both men and women. If you see someone you fancy, go get to know them for god's sake! All these stupid rules are just that...
Go on any dating site and look at how many women make lists of what they want.
"Must be at least 6ft, of non-Angle Celtic decent and have between 46 and 52 freckles"
By the time they're done, the only man that meets the criteria is the one in their head
That's why I don't answer "what do you find appealing in a woman" threads. I don't care for short women but hey, anything is possible. Probably end up marrying one. Sure hate to miss the best woman in the world only because she was 5'2.
I agree completely. If I have to woo somebody before I even get any indication whether they have an interest, I'll never get anywhere. Perhaps the most desirable 10% of men can pull this off, but for most men, this just gets ugly, very quickly.
I have never reacted negatively to women who expressed obvious interest in me but I am wary of those who may be playing subtle games. Many around here wear wedding rings, even if single, to keep the masses of potential suitors who they aren't interested in, at bay, so it can be difficult to know what is going on. (We have a high single male to female ratio)
When I get a clear indication, I have acted positively on it. Unfortunately, when women do this, rather than waiting for men to do all the work, it has, in my experience, meant they were quite desperate for a good reason. Eventually, after giving them a reasonable opportunity to prove themselves, I have determined they weren't for me.
This is quite the opposite of how women treat men - wash them out early, usually on a hunch - unless, of course, if they are very good looking. Then its the making of another silly thread on CD!
Its the entitled princess complex allot of American women have,they wanna get swept off their feet like a fairytale and want the guy to love them whitin minuts of meeting them..
The confusing part is you get mixed signals from women especially on here and have heard the oppsoite..
Women have also said they want a guy to act like hes not clingy or needy which wooing a women right awya is a sign of and have called actions like wooign a women right away before knowing them creepy..
My guess is if its their ideal Man physically and status wise they want him to woo her right away and sweep her off her feet,if its some guy whso not theyre ideal mate and they feel their settling then those actions will be stalkerish or creepy to them them..
Why don't men pursue women anymore? Seems it only happens in the movies.
I don't pursue women because I'm married.
Seriously, I think it can work both ways. However if I was single and out there looking, I would ask the lady for her number. If she asks for mine first, I would oblige and at the same time ask her for hers and then give her a call later that night, the next day, depending on when we met up.
Unless the lady asks me for my number, I am not giving it to her. Reason is, I'm still from the old school that the guy should make the first move. However I'm not that old fashioned if she was the first to call me, I wouldn't reject her.
Yes, very old fashioned, say pre 1965. I don't find it a turn off. You and Mango-Tango really don't have a clue about what men go through and what motivates them.
What I found to be a turn off was the rejection I got. I'm with the men on here. Its nice to actually know a woman is receptive. Not that many approaches end up in stalking charges but many end up with nasty put downs and gossip. By the time a man is in his 40s, his attitude is "who needs this?"
I'm sorry, but this is the biggest BS. If you are not attracted to the woman, you will be turned-on by her chasing you??? Come-on! Freaked out maybe, but not turned on.
What does it have to do with being receptive? We are not talking about being receptive. I can see insecurities from men here written allover this discussion. You are afraid to pursue because you are afraid of rejection. Bottom line.
We have a clue. WE are just calling you all out on it.
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Seems it only happens in the movies.
