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Sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal when a relationship ends. None of us has the solution to stop the pain immediately. Letting yourself feel that pain, grieve and cry is healthy and IMO part of the healing process. Drugs, alcohol, destructive behaviors are bandaids and will ultimately not help you heal. They are actually likely to leave you worse off.
For the short-term, I'd let myself cry, I'd try to sleep it off, make sure you're eating right & drinking a lot (sounds silly but our grief contributes to poor eating & sleeping habits which exacerbate how we feel). I'd talk to close friends & family, I'd look for healthy positive distractions like exercise, shopping, upbeat music, comedies & TVSG threads. I would personally stay away from anything that doesn't elevate my mood; no sad songs, no sad movies or books.
Every day that goes by you'll cry less and hurt less. Hope that day comes sooner rather than later for you ...
Thank you for your kind words....the drugs are a temporary crutch, but believe me I am mourning and grieving and in pain. All I've been doing is crying, on and off for weeks now. And I know I am not eating and drinking properly. I have lost ten pounds in less than three weeks. I can't eat. I feel nauseous all the time and I have no appetite. When I do eat I immediately feel like I want to throw up. Everything has no taste, and I don't really care right now one way or the other. My stomach is acting up and I'm in and out of the bathroom due to the stress and anxiety. I have forced myself to eat at times just for the sake of having something in my stomach and fuel to forge ahead, but it's a struggle. It takes me forever finish the smallest amount of food and I immediately have the urge to throw it up, but I resist. I have been over the past few weeks trying to distract myself with friends and exercise.
I am allowing myself to grieve as I must. I'm crying as I write this but putting words to metaphorical paper has always helped me. It's nice to know there are so many people out there who care enough to take the time even if it's just for a minute to reach out through posts. It means more to people like myself than any CD posters realize. I can't say enough good things about the people who post here, with a few rare exceptions.
I know all about TVSG, but haven't been keeping up. Maybe today is the day that I need to search his threads!
Also, to whoever repped me and left me a message on the rep, you didn't leave your CD name so I can't PM you. If you are following this, I would gladly tell you my story, but you may need a day or two so be careful what you wish for!!
Do you have any friends or family to just "be there" while you go through this process? Anyone to talk to? Anyone to go out to lunch with and maybe force yourself to go shopping afterward? If you do, I recommend you not avoid them but reach out for some human contact, someone who will give you some support as you work through this. Talking through all this with a caring friend can be some of the best therapy you can get.
and I said not true, you just don't understand me and I feel like I have to apologize just for being me....
This was one lesson I had to learn through heartbreaks, years of heartbreaks after each breakup. If in a relationship I started feeling like I had to conform to their idea of me - how I should be and feel and behave, - that was wrong of THEM, not of me. That should have been the sign of wrapping the relationships up, but I, too, had them very intense and just couldn't just then let them go.
I met a man finally with whom I don't feel constrained or controlled in any way. I also learned to not fall under the spell of "trophies" as Robhu said, - when we consider someone a trophy, that means that we put ourselves on a lower level, and that psychological inequality could, and probably does, lead to a breakup.
Many years ago I lost a young wife who I thought I could never live without. To me she was the proverbial trophy wife. I almost let depression get to me to the point of actualy thinking about suicide. She just walked out one night while I was asleep to join the more partying crowd and never came back.
I started drinking heavy and feeling like life was over. I was a mess for a year or more. Didn't care if I lived or died. Did some stupid stuff that probably should have got me killed. Especialy in cars. I didn't want to hurt anyone else but I didn't care if I got hurt. Lost a good job because I didn't see any good reason to go to work anymore.
I was killing myself with self pity, grieving, and giving up on life.
Then one night I realized that I WAS STILL YOUNG and I could still have a life. It was up to me to change my outlook on things because the past was over and there was still a future.
I got another job and worked it for 30 years. I remarried and we had 6 kids. We have our own home. My wife loves me and we will be together untill one of us dies. We have 7 grandkids.
Life has been good after all. Sure am glad I didn't give up and let something I couldn't control cost me all the good times since then.
I still think about her sometimes, I will admit that. I still wonder why she left me. I just wanted a family and a future with her and worked to try to make it come true.
But it actualy worked out for the best. I would never have met the wonderful woman I am married to. I wouldn't have the family I have now.
She left in May of 1971. I was 23 yrs old.
Now I'm 63 yrs old and the wife and I have been together for over 30 years.
We have had a good life and we are happry.
Don't turn to drugs or alcohol to drown your sorrow. Those things are just crutches that will eventualy stop supporting you and make things worse.
And remember one thing.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
And you can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.
I decided to wind it up again and look to the future instead of the past.
The tick tock of lifes clock has been good to me since then and it is still ticking.
I am so glad I didn't let it wind down.
Don't let hard bumps in lifes road make you wreck.
Look ahead and drive on. You just might end up at the destination you are looking for.
THIS is the best advice she's ever going to get Good job Rob, and congrats to you
It took me about 6 months. I was physically sick nearly every time I thought about him and I put on some weight being so depressed and stressed.
One day I said NO MORE TEARS FOR HIM! And I never looked back That's the day my life took a turn for the best.
I hope this happens for me...in fact I know it will but right now the pain is still fresh and my heart is actually aching so much...but I do know it will pass, but it's just like anything negative...it seems to drag on and on, while positive stuff passes so quickly by...
I hope this happens for me...in fact I know it will but right now the pain is still fresh and my heart is actually aching so much...but I do know it will pass, but it's just like anything negative...it seems to drag on and on, while positive stuff passes so quickly by...
It's going to take time, there's no getting around that. You have to allow yourself to be sad for a while. How long has it been?
One day you'll wake up and realize it's not worth getting upset over anymore. Don't force yourself to that point, though. Learning from a break-up and making yourself a better person is key. Don't ignore that time
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. I would personally stay away from anything that doesn't elevate my mood; no sad songs, no sad movies or books.
Good job Rob, and congrats to you 
