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1. Tell her that when she decides to have sex, it must be HER decision and not because some boy pressured her into it or because she wants to keep up with her peers in that regard.
2. Make sure she knows that teenage boys do not fall madly in love but will say they are in love, or actually will say anything that works, to get a girl to have sex with them. And that girls who fall for this are idiots.
This won't guarantee that your daughter won't sleep with random douches anyway, but it might empower her a bit to know that she to be the one in control of her body and sexual decisions.
This is more or less what I told my daughter, and it worked out well. She had the same boyfriend all through high school, and when she did decide to have sex, it was her decision. Better yet, he's a good kid with a future and not a random douche.
I don't see myself having the sex talk with her, mighty. Is that wrong? (I figure my wife will handle that.) I'm sure my wife will give her good guidance.. she, the wife, has never steered me wrong.
Here's what I'm hoping will work. As her dad, I want to demonstrate to her that she should expect men to treat her with courtesy and respect. I want to do this by a) treating her with courtesy and respect and b) treating my wife with courtesy and respect. I notice that "easy" girls, and even "easy" women, have depressingly low expectations of men -- expecations which more often than not were set by their fathers, or lack thereof.
Awhile back, there was a woman (seven years younger than me) who pursued me rather blantantly. I'm happily married, and I don't hide that fact from anyone. I really liked, and still like, this woman. She's a great person in many ways, and I'd even use the word "admirable" to describe many of her qualities and character. However, her dad was never around, and when it comes to men, what she's willing to take and put up with is way out of proportion for what she should take and could pull.
I politely turned down her offers, but did develop a relationship with her. Our relationship is more brother/sister .. maybe older cousin, younger cousin, these days. Anyhow, when it comes to men, yikes. She thought by not cheating on my wife I was doing something heroic that few men could or would do. ???
Um, no. I know lots of men, none of whom do or would cheat on their wives. That's just basic character. Sure, there are douches who do or would, but they're just that douches ... women can and should avoid them. The world is filled with good men who make solid partners.
When it comes to my daughter, I don't see my role as protecting her from sex. Of course, I hope she doesn't have sex until she is mature enough to handle it, but more importantly, I don't want her to waste her time and energy on douche men. Why should she? She doesn't have to.
Do you think by communicating and demonstrating her worth to her I will protect her from acting like a pop porn wannbe be princess a'la Ke$ha? I certainly hope so. I know that at a certain age teens will do lots of things to impress their friends though (boys and girls). I hope she doesn't fall into the trap of having sex too soon just to prove she can.
I don't see myself having the sex talk with her, mighty. Is that wrong? (I figure my wife will handle that.) I'm sure my wife will give her good guidance.. she, the wife, has never steered me wrong.
Here's what I'm hoping will work. As her dad, I want to demonstrate to her that she should expect men to treat her with courtesy and respect. I want to do this by a) treating her with courtesy and respect and b) treating my wife with courtesy and respect. I notice that "easy" girls, and even "easy" women, have depressingly low expectations of men -- expecations which more often than not were set by their fathers, or lack thereof.
Awhile back, there was a woman (seven years younger than me) who pursued me rather blantantly. I'm happily married, and I don't hide that fact from anyone. I really liked, and still like, this woman. She's a great person in many ways, and I'd even use the word "admirable" to describe many of her qualities and character. However, her dad was never around, and when it comes to men, what she's willing to take and put up with is way out of proportion for what she should take and could pull.
I politely turned down her offers, but did develop a relationship with her. Our relationship is more brother/sister .. maybe older cousin, younger cousin, these days. Anyhow, when it comes to men, yikes. She thought by not cheating on my wife I was doing something heroic that few men could or would do. ???
Um, no. I know lots of men, none of whom do or would cheat on their wives. That's just basic character. Sure, there are douches who do or would, but they're just that douches ... women can and should avoid them. The world is filled with good men who make solid partners.
When it comes to my daughter, I don't see my role as protecting her from sex. Of course, I hope she doesn't have sex until she is mature enough to handle it, but more importantly, I don't want her to waste her time and energy on douche men. Why should she? She doesn't have to.
Do you think by communicating and demonstrating her worth to her I will protect her from acting like a pop porn wannbe be princess a'la Ke$ha? I certainly hope so. I know that at a certain age teens will do lots of things to impress their friends though (boys and girls). I hope she doesn't fall into the trap of having sex too soon just to prove she can.
To answer your first question, yes, it would likely be Mom who has that talk with her!
Dad probably doesn't have to say much, because it sounds as if he's already giving his daughter a firm foundation as to her relationships with men through his character and the way he lives his life. Children don't just learn by what someone tells them. They pick up a lot without even being conscious of it by what's been demonstrated to them.
I have a friend that sounds a lot like the woman you mentioned. Her father dumped her and her mother when she was a little girl and they found out that he had another woman and another child living a couple of miles away. He chose to go live with the others. This woman is in her mid-forties, and almost all her relationships have been with someone else's man, either a husband or a man who is in a relationship with another woman already. It's obvious to everyone who knows her that she's just trying to "get Daddy back". Inevitably, some time after she "wins" the man, he turns around and leaves her for a different woman and marries that woman. She's currently in a 7-year relationship with somebody else's husband, who has a list of reasons why he can't yet leave his wife, but "someday"...
I have a friend that sounds a lot like the woman you mentioned.
That sucks .. my friend is in her late 20s, so I think there might be hope for her. Awhile back, she got pregnant by a real winner who had already abandoned a wife and child -- and, lo and behold, upon finding out she was pregnant, he cut her off quickly.
She seems to have learned from this though. She took some time off of dating to reflect on her life and choices, and now she is dating a really nice guy who seems to be committed to her and her child. When she was younger, early 20s, she would tell me she wanted to be a single mom, and I would explain to her that a good man can be a very good asset when raising a child. I think she gets that now. The guy she's currently seeing (who isn't attached to anyone but her) seems determined to do right by her. We'll see. I hope things work out for her and her child.
I don't know what to tell you but I find that just sad. Look at Miley Cyrus. Kids look up to her and think she is this role model. I think that also influence girls.
I played with Barbies til I was about 13 or so. I didn't have my first kiss til I was 14...my first boyfriend til I was almost 20!
I don't see what is so appealing about wanting to be an adult and having a man at the age of 13, 14....or even 15 or 16 for God's sake!
This may sound like a silly question, but I am going to risk it...if high school girls are so "easy" these days, who the heck are they being "easy" with? Does the "easy" girl's partner get termed as easy or is it reserved exclusively for the girl? Just wondering since I had always heard it takes two to tango, if you know what I mean!
I suppose the partner would be easy as well. I mean, there were a hell of a lot of girls in my high school I woulda said "yes" to without missing a beat... so in a sense that would be easy :P
I suppose the partner would be easy as well. I mean, there were a hell of a lot of girls in my high school I woulda said "yes" to without missing a beat... so in a sense that would be easy :P
I think it's that the girls are offering themselves to just about anybody with a pulse. It's like a guy coming up to you on the street and offering you a suitcase full of $100 bills. Are you really gonna say no to that?
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Children don't just learn by what someone tells them. They pick up a lot without even being conscious of it by what's been demonstrated to them.
