Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My father hates it when females earn more than males.
Right now my Dw brings home more than I do. Anytime that we speak with my father he must bring it up. He tries to make digs about it. It really infuriates him.
I find him far more of an annoyance than her making more than I make.
I said that men have a natural desire to be the provider and anyone that stands in his way of achieving that which he desires as a man is emasculating him.
Which means that he cannot couple with a woman that is successful, which doesn't make a lick of sense in your possible, yet-to-be, marriage of being a homemaker. Nobody stands in your way, but you, in the west. If a guy cannot stand what he is in relation to his woman it has nothing to do with her. Get your own trip on your own merit.
Quote:
No, a man who does that isn't providing either.
Then, you're stating you're willing to not be a real man. Okaaayyy.
Frankly, I find this pov to only be held by simpletons. If you're caring for your brood, teaching them, running your homestead, growing your food, doing all that you can,etc, that's freaking awesome.
Quote:
I also said it's important for a man to feel as if he is contributing. On a personal level as long as I was contributing, then I would probably be fine. But I would definitely feel a sting when I thought that the money that I was spending came from my wife's labor.
I don't know what to tell you here. I think that sting is societal pressure. If a SAHM/D is doing their part, I don't see the problem. Are you keeping a clean home? Are you shopping and preparing dinner for everyone? Are you educating yourself to teach k-12 to the best of your ability? Those are the things SAHM/Ds are or should be doing. Little is more important. Little is more important than the home in a healthy family imo.
Quote:
I can see where my replies might have seemed contradictory, but rest assured, they are not. Even if I might not be the best specimen of "Man" I do understand Men. If I was the homemaker, I would probably feel less of a man. But it would be better for the children for me to be at home with them than for them to be raised by strangers in daycare.
Read Redisca's post again. I figure nothing is more challenging or rewarding than raising brood. The fact that you feel that makes you less of a PERSON is problematic. Why so many are willing to buy into this garbage is beyond me.
Quote:
hahaha. I almost posted this but I wanted to give you benefit of the doubt...
You think leadership = dominion, but it doesn't. That is my point about preferential treatment being the flipside of leadership. They balance each other out so the couple remains equal without either holding dominion over the other.
I disagree. Nothing I have experienced in my life comes close to this convoluted made up definition. Leadership is dominion and it entails all the responsibilities. Where do we lead where we do not have ownership? No where.
Quote:
You are describing being in charge, not leadership. A leader without a follower is a lone wolf. I am talking about a relationship where one is the leader and the other is the follower. The person leading (especially in a personal relationship) MUST lead for the benefit of the follower, or he (or she) is holding dominion. If you lead to benefit yourself then your SO is your slave. Sound like any bossy nagging wives you know?
Bull again. Leadership completely involves ownership. I ask you to show me a leader that does not take ownership and full responsibility of anything they lead. Those that do not are poor leaders, period. That's just how it goes.
Women do not want to love men, Women do not want contact with men, Women do not want friendship with men and Women defenitley do not want sex with men... It really is delusional to think otherwise. Women would rather be single or with another women than with a man.
You live in a strange alternate reality. The sheer number of marriages (and people wanting to get married again and again if the first marriage fails) says otherwise.
You live in a strange alternate reality. The sheer number of marriages (and people wanting to get married again and again if the first marriage fails) says otherwise.
hes just hating cuz he cant get a woman no worries
No, FoxMulder999 does not want any of those things with women period.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FoxMulder999
FoxMulder999 does not want to love women, FoxMulder999 does not want contact with women, FoxMulder999 does not want friendship with women and FoxMulder999 defenitley does not want sex with women... It really is delusional to think otherwise. FoxMulder999 would rather be single or with another man than with a woman.
Sounds selfish of you. What did he provide for the family? How did you provide for the family? Obviously both of you provided some income and some time and affection but did he feel like he wasn't contributing enough? Men need to feel that they have a purpose. A woman who stands in the way of a man's ability to contribute, whether by accident or on purpose, causes him to feel inadequate. It's not necessarily the woman's fault, but can still stand in the way. Does that make him less than a man? Yes. And now you understand emasculation. Is it his fault that he feels emasculated? No. It's not his fault. Don't blame him when you have the control.
It depends on why they are emasculated by their wife's income. Your current man feels that he is contributing. It doesn't matter what he earns as long as he contributes. Your old man (I am guessing) felt that he couldn't contribute like his wife so he felt inadequate.
Maybe he should "get over it" right? Well, if that's your feeling then you aren't paying attention to Men's desires. We have feelings too and they are just as valid and appropriate and important as yours. One of those feelings... no God given RIGHTS! is for the man to have a purpose. If he feels that he has no purpose, then he doesn't feel like a man and he feels that he has no right to be on this Earth.
Why is it a woman's responsibility to make the man "feel" like he's contributing? If he is, he IS. How fragile the male ego!! Each partner should support and encourage the other as best they can. I certainly never belittled his job or paycheck--I couldn't care less how much he made, it's not how I measured his worth. And if it was how he measured his worth, he could have spent those early years bettering his education and setting his career sights higher, but that didn't seem to occur to him.
Before we married my ex contributed plenty to the relationship, or so I thought. As it turned out, he didn't understand that there are other ways than money to contribute to the partnership that is marriage. That was HIS shortcoming, not mine. My mistake was not realizing it before the wedding.
His "desire"--only revealed after the ring was on my finger--was to have a woman be a traditional wife to him. Why? Because that's what his cultural background taught him he should want. He never considered what I might have wanted. Yet you don't think he was the selfish one. Somehow my wants and needs matter less than his. Hmmm...
Quote:
Originally Posted by smartalx
Women, although convinced that they are one way because society has pigeonholed them into behaving more like a man, are still women: with tender, loving, nurturing, attributes at their core. Men at our core are still determined, hard-working, take-charge, providers; despite society trying to turn us into women. Seems to me that you are saying that society's influence on these roles is INCREASING. The natural instinct to care for her young is being suppressed by society's rule that you must have a career.
All of those crashing generalizations are what make your statements absurd to me. SOME men are "determined, hard-working, take-charge, providers..." SOME women place childrearing above all other concerns. But not ALL, and biology is not destiny. As our lives get longer, women have many decades to fill with things other than caring for young children. Should we not attend to planning for that? Why not? The saddest stories I hear are of those women whose adult children leave home and there's nothing in their lives but a huge void. There's much more to a career than a paycheck.
Quote:
The natural instinct to care for her young is being suppressed by society's rule that you must have a career....If the husband makes enough to provide, then it's just smart. You might have to tighten your belt, but the health of the children is worth it.
Take those sentences and change the pronoun genders. Still make sense to you? Are you suggesting that men have no natural instinct to care for their young?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
Question: If a woman is satisfied with her job, and wants to continue making lots of money, why would she even be concerned with finding a relationship? She has a spouse already--her job.
I am new here so I can't tell if you're kidding. But that's utterly absurd. Would you say the same about a man?
Last edited by Sanderling; 05-29-2010 at 06:08 PM..
My father hates it when females earn more than males.
Right now my Dw brings home more than I do. Anytime that we speak with my father he must bring it up. He tries to make digs about it. It really infuriates him.
I find him far more of an annoyance than her making more than I make.
A terrific example of the way these outdated attitudes are dying out. You are of a different generation than your father, and have changed as society has changed. Congratulations!
Last edited by Sanderling; 05-29-2010 at 06:20 PM..
No way. I have a lot of friends, best friends, but nothing beats family and that's what a spouse is, family. The older I get the more I understand.
Nothing is missing. I have my husband and we share our life together. He's worth far more than any amount of cash. I can easily earn cash.
They weren't two separate statements, but related. What is it about a spouse that you can't get from friends?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
