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You are absolutely right. If I were to find myself widowed with my children living far away, I can not see myself putting up a Christmas tree and having no one to share it with.
At the same time, I don't ever want to put my kids in the position of feeling obligated to spend the holidays with me. They will always be welcome to do so, of course, and I would love having them. I just don't want them to feel a duty to be with me, if that makes sense. It's good to make a friend or two that you can share special times with - you won't be alone and neither will your friends.
That's how I feel about my daughter. We are close, but not physically. She just moved to another city for a new job. I want her to live her life. We do get together when we can--we have a three-day mini-trip planned together for next month. She also makes time to visit her father, so she's had to manage splitting holidays between parents since she was 8. We never had any formal agreement as to who got her when--visitation was "as agreed to by both parties", and we worked it out to everyone's satisfaction until she was an adult, and now at 31 she lets us know what she's doing, lol.
Until two years ago, I automatically spent Christmas Day at my mother's house so she wouldn't be alone and to cook dinner for her. My two brothers lived with her, but once they ate they were off and on their own, while I would play Scrabble or cards or watch TV with her. Then after she died I finally got to have one wonderful Christmas with my bf before his body unexpectedly crapped out a few months later. Last Christmas was just a blur of sadness and despair. I could not wait until the day was over.
Now that I'm somewhat acclimated to the fact that Life Sucks, I might be able to muster up some energy to try to decorate a bit in the house that isn't mine.
When you no longer have children in your life or anyone to spend Christmas with, it seems like a waste to decorate so you can sit there alone looking at a Christmas tree.
See, that's the subtext I kinda got from the question, but is that really related to retirement? I would hope not necessarily.
I mean for one there's plenty of young people who have no-one to spend the holidays with either. And of course plenty of seniors have families that place a high priority on being together during the holidays as well.
I think the question of "would you decorate just for yourself if you have no-one else around" is a legitimate one. The way this was being sort of mixed up with being retired in this thread though certainly seemed quite depressing, as if loneliness was the inevitable end result of aging past the age of 60 or 65.
Yes-for Christmas it is the day after Thanksgiving. Halloween will go up next weekend. I also change things around inside to make it more seasonal. Change out pillows, throws and tablecloths. Add some inside decorations.
See, that's the subtext I kinda got from the question, but is that really related to retirement? I would hope not necessarily.
I mean for one there's plenty of young people who have no-one to spend the holidays with either. And of course plenty of seniors have families that place a high priority on being together during the holidays as well.
I think the question of "would you decorate just for yourself if you have no-one else around" is a legitimate one. The way this was being sort of mixed up with being retired in this thread though certainly seemed quite depressing, as if loneliness was the inevitable end result of aging past the age of 60 or 65.
That's your take on it, not everyone's. And this IS the Retirement forum so naturally the question is directed at retirees. You could ask the same question in Non-Romantic Relationships or Psychology if you wanted the input from other age groups.
Loneliness is not the inevitable end result of aging, of course. The retirees here know that better than you do. I have friends who are retired who have scads of children and grandchildren and and/or are married/coupled up and so the holidays will mean something different from the ones who are alone.
But the question is valid. I used to love to decorate for holidays. I had a child and a mother and friends whom I would see on the holidays, but that's in the past now. Getting older, losing my mother, other family members, and some of those friends, having my only child no longer in the area (in fact I'M no longer in the area), becoming a full-time caregiver for my own partner, all this changed things. It's a real issue for some retirees, not all, that holidays are no longer what they once were, and not by their own choice.
My husband has added led lighting to the outside of the house as a permanent fixture. It surrounds the garage, around the eaves of the house, and surrounding the windows. They are ribbons of lights that only show up when they are lit otherwise they are not noticeable. At Christmas time he adds decorations on the lawn that are lit with strobe lights. He then has a coordinated display that is controlled by music.
A couple of years ago he started putting banners on the garage door to acknowledge other holidays ... Easter, Veteran's day, July 4th etc... and run the lights for a few days before the specific holiday.
I've always been a Christmas party pooper. I never liked getting together with family for the holidays but did anyway. As an adult, I would drive 2-3 hours to get there and 2 hours back home in horrid traffic but I did it to make my mother happy and not have to hear her complain for the next 3 months. Now, I'm 2000 miles away and made it clear i won't travel over the holidays. It's not going to happen.
I'll put a few things out on the front porch for decorations but nothing inside. That's good enough. I really do enjoy seeing the City decorations around town though.
When you no longer have children in your life or anyone to spend Christmas with, it seems like a waste to decorate so you can sit there alone looking at a Christmas tree.
See, my late husband and I were childless by choice. And Christmas was very important to me. I did the house up. I made Christmas cookies the whole 9 yards. My mother died in June 2010, and for whatever reason, I decided that stuffing my feelings down made way more sense than actually grieving. stupid I know. Taught me a very important lesson. That Christmas I just couldn’t.
My wonderful husband was really worried about me. And he went and got the lights out after I had gone to bed and fell asleep. I think I had a half hearted attempt to buy a tree very late and everything out there was top dollar and sucked. And he took a dining room chair and put it next to the cat tree that the cats for some reason never used and decorated the whole things in light and put the wrapped Christmas presents underneath and I am wearing the wrong mascara talking about this.
That Christmas was pretty special. Soon after, the dam broke, and I let it all out.
Now, my husband‘s birthday is December 1, and is the day I go out and buy a fresh Christmas tree. It is a very weird way to honor him. See, he hated his birthday, and did not like to be the center of attention. And I never ever put anything Christmas up until after his birthday because he deserved to have a birthday that wasn’t shared with another major holiday. So, for him, I ignore the fact that it’s his birthday and I buy my Christmas tree.
And after losing my mother, and swallowing my feelings, and ending up in an extremely bad place, I learned that losing someone is very very hard, but you got to do it, and you got to go through it, and you got to grieve. There is no option. It’s like I used to tell everybody when they said look how good you’re doing. I looked at them and I said what choice do I have? Nothing is going to bring him back. I might as well feel what I need to feel, deal with what I need to deal with, and find a way to be happy. Doing anything less would be a disservice to my husbands life. It is absolutely not what he would wanted me to do
And Ulta beauty’s new heights lifting mascara not bad for crying. Although I’m not a weeper. I’m more of a teary-eyed. Teary-eyed nose blower.
Yeah, I'm dragging my husband to TV to check it out in a few months. I think he'll like it more than he realizes. Maybe you can convince your husband to try a lifestyle visit or do a short term rental to check it out.
We did the lifestyle visit. He liked it there. Always says "when we move" but at age 73 if we don't due it soon it won't happen. I don't think he really wants to leave LI.
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Solly says — Be nice!
