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Well, some people may only need the basics for survival in old age but when I think of what I will need for a comfortable old age, I think more about having people who care about me and want to support me emotionally more than those who would give me money. Listening ears, someone to laugh with.
Sometimes now we need extra help and our two "decent enough" adult children are smack in the middle of their best earning years. I may as well also observe that their generation isn't nearly as motivated to drop plans and help their parents as much as ours was.
I've found that the people who run errands for us when we are ill or check up on us the most often are our other elderly friends. And vice versa.
I totally get why you are unhappy where you are. But why wouldn't you take an Uber or a Lyft to/from bars or just get a hotel room in the walkable downtown area of your nearest small city on occasion and do a little bar hopping, maybe have dinner and catch a show. My husband and I are less than 10 years younger than your parents are and that's what we do. If we didn't have kids we probably would have lived closer or even in our nearest downtown area.
We moved to this outer suburb for work/schools and to get away from some politics/bad influences that we saw starting to develop in our former area. The area we are currently in has been a good place to raise kids but it's not what we have in mind for retirement. Our own kids are free to go where they want. If they want to come back home there will always be a room for them - wherever home may be.
Downtown has some restaurants and bars, but is just two miles away. The problem is in a city of 50,000 there aren’t any regular Ubers to get those two miles.
Uber can be great for seniors, as long as they’re still able to drive. Last January, I got a Walmart grocery order delivered promptly. I got another a few weeks later. I signed up for the Walmart+ service with free grocery delivery. Not one order since has arrived on time (most were a day or more late) because there are no drivers to get the orders to customers.
It’s stuff like this thet people in better areas often take for granted that just isn’t possible in dumpy areas like mine. I can’t wait to move,
Really? I know quite a few elderly who moved in with siblings or friends.
I'm sure it happens but I don't recall anyone on Citydata living a Golden Girls type of lifestyle. Most seem to prefer to live alone in their own places.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
Really? I know quite a few elderly who moved in with siblings or friends.
Since, as a volunteer, I do international Cooperative development, I have a lot of clients interested in shared living. Often it works out very well. We helped a group of retired school teachers set up their own group living space.
It's much more popular in Canada and my heritage region (The Netherlands and Denmark)
Of course many countries have intergenerational living, as do several of my USA farmer neighbors.
Options exist. (even in the USA).
Elder Cohousing
Shared equity
Senior living Co-ops
independent groups
Shared housing.
It could easily work in any of our homes, as they each have separate living spaces, and a few RV hookups.
Really? I know quite a few elderly who moved in with siblings or friends.
I only know one person that did that and it’s because she needed help but bought a big house and left it to her granddaughter for helping her. At this age I value my privacy and having everything just as I want it. That’s the reason I bought a small condo with an elevator so I can age in place. If needed I could order everything online and use a combination of Uber, kids and friends to help out.
Last year we had an unusual winter with snow and ice and my son insisted on driving me to work and home when it was bad outside. I still do part time consulting work. I thought that was really sweet of him.
I'm sure it happens but I don't recall anyone on Citydata living a Golden Girls type of lifestyle. Most seem to prefer to live alone in their own places.
I think that might be because most regular posters on C-D are introverts, according to various threads I have seen. In fact, the proportion of INTJs (of which I am one of those, too) was WAY out of proportion to the general population. However, that actually didn't surprise me at all, as I think that introverts are more likely to find interest in writing and debating online, whereas extroverts prefer to do most of the socializing in person.
As I mentioned before, at one time, half of my income went to rent rather than to have to share a place with someone who wasn't my husband or S.O.
Variations on a theme..
~15 yrs ago my mom and her DH befriended a local illegal family.
1) Purchased a nice MH and resold it to them on contract.
2) Gave them odd jobs
3) Set them up with a network of seniors who needed various help
4) Continued to guild and instruct them on financial matters, opening LLC, getting business licenses, registrations, insurance
5) As DH grew medically dependent (Became double amputee) the befriended family helped out.
6) Drove to appts, Accompany on vacations and traveling medical procedures (Surgery hospital was 5 hrs away)
7) Attended neighbors for in-home care (They now have (7) clients)
8) Now running errands for mom, from banking to food / laundry / care needs... even to the point of filing for LTC coverage and benefits (illegals now getting monthly checks as my mom's caregivers, via their LLC)
They are very helpful, service oriented, proactive, and appreciative.
It can work.
Thanks. My post that you referred to was obviously written with "tongue-in-cheek" humor intended, but yet it was based on what I'm sure are many similar true situations such as you described.
Sometimes, a person just has to improvise to make the best of a bad situation. Often, this consists of finding someone else who needs help of some kind (financial or otherwise) and working out a deal with them for them to help you with what you need, and you can help them with what they need.
Of course, money is the universal "helper's" tender, but shelter runs a close second. So, if you can provide someone a place to live and a little cash to help take care of their other needs, you can often work out a deal with them to help you with what you need.
I think that might be because most regular posters on C-D are introverts, according to various threads I have seen. In fact, the proportion of INTJs (of which I am one of those, too) was WAY out of proportion to the general population. However, that actually didn't surprise me at all, as I think that introverts are more likely to find interest in writing and debating online, whereas extroverts prefer to do most of the socializing in person.
As I mentioned before, at one time, half of my income went to rent rather than to have to share a place with someone who wasn't my husband or S.O.
I think that's a good point. But even the extremely extroverted people that I know aren't talking about wanting to have roommates in their old age. They'll want to entertain at their house, they'll enjoy having overnight guests for weeks at a time but they don't actually want to share their house anybody. They'll hire in help if they need to.
In fact, I don't think that you need to be particularly extroverted to have roommates. You have your own bedroom and share things like the kitchen and laundry room, but you could easily keep to yourself most of the time. Of course if your goal is to share a house with roommates who would give you a ride to/from a medical appt and you would do the same for them then you would have to be friends with them.
Downtown has some restaurants and bars, but is just two miles away. The problem is in a city of 50,000 there aren’t any regular Ubers to get those two miles.
Uber can be great for seniors, as long as they’re still able to drive. Last January, I got a Walmart grocery order delivered promptly. I got another a few weeks later. I signed up for the Walmart+ service with free grocery delivery. Not one order since has arrived on time (most were a day or more late) because there are no drivers to get the orders to customers.
It’s stuff like this thet people in better areas often take for granted that just isn’t possible in dumpy areas like mine. I can’t wait to move,
It sounds like you do need to move to a more appropriate area for yourself. You aren't obligated to stay in a town just because your parents and other family members made the choice to live there. In fact, your parents don't seem to be particularly happy where they are. Why would they want to see their son make the same mistakes?
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