My neighborhood stinks (but I still love it???)

[flyingsaucermom]

Originally Posted by jjinla

Just to clarify, I'm not saying that the other woman didn't make a statement that might be considered by some to be insensitive, but I'm not a confrontational person by nature so I would have changed the subject. I have somewhat conservative views but if I'm at a PTA meeting meeting and someone starts talking about giving amnesty to people here illegally I wouldnt start arguing with them about my viewpoint. I'm truly not trying to bash you at all but am merely pointing out that you might want to just not engage other people...especially parents...in arguments as you really are stuck with them for 13+ years and never know when you will be forced together.

I personally think this is up to the school to rectify the situation with the complex. If people are illegally parking, double parking, etc. then the school needs to put crossing guards out there and maybe a small fence to keep people from trampling on the complex's property. Look I have 3 kids and I get how hectic it is to pick them up when there is nowhere to park but am I misunderstanding this or is this guy getting mad at people that are 100% legally parking and getting their kids?

I just don't see how I was confrontational in the situation but in retrospect (I've been trying to understand WTH happened) I see how my comment about "some don't having a choice " was offensive to her worldview. In fact I'm taking a class about intercultural communication right now and we're learning that the quickest way to make an enemy is to say something negative about their foundational core values or the deep structure of their cultural identity. I can definitely see how my comment would do that if her dominant culture is American or Conservative. The American culture (this is from my textbook, BTW) is highly individualistic and has a profound sense of optimism (not all cultures are), in the national discourse there is a high frequency of proverbs such as "where there's a will, there's a way" and "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" to mean if you work hard (another American value) you will be successful. I also probably insulted her co-culture of being a Conservative (which could have also been the dominant culture). We have not talked about conservatism but I'm guessing conservative values are a lot like American values, but even more so. In the conversation I, without even being mindful about it, made a statement about my value system, one that not only isn't in alignment with hers but in fact, contradicts what she believes to be true and right. So if I was contradicting her, it was passively, just by "being myself", because my identity is fundamentally more progressive and less American than hers. The part that makes me frustrated is that I wasn't the one pressing it. She could have just heard my statement and changed the subject but instead she directly confronted me with "that's not true, you always have a choice". So in an overt manner she confronted the core values of my worldview and just like her, I didn't appreciate it.

Funny you should ask, so at the beginning of the year when they guy was yelling at the kids I actually did get into a real conversation about solutions asked if he had talked to the school (as it would be more effective for them to handle parents) and he said that he had gone to the district numerous times and they refuse to do anything because it's not school property. I also suggested putting in a low fence around the borders (like the landscaping kind) because even those would keep kids away, but he said his HOA fees are high enough and dosen't want to pay them. But conversely he said that he has petitioned the HOA to install gates and fences around the whole complex (which would be incredibly more expensive than the little fencing I was talking about, but whatever..). His problem is that he doesn't have support from his complex's HOA. There are people in his complex that don't like what he's doing, how he's treating people or just don't care and don't want to be bothered with the discussion. Many people there never see the problem because they are at work during the day. I'm even doubtful that it's legally possible to section off his complex (does it break bi-laws of the greater community? would it break city safety and fire codes or zoning laws?) So ultimately he's really in a difficult position. If the school doesn't involve itself, and if the HOA is not helping him than what options does he have?