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My engagement ring is beautiful. Three emerald cut diamonds in a platinum setting. But I didn't really pick it out; my husband and I went to a few jewelry shops together when we started to talk marriage, because he wanted to know what I like...I was going to be wearing the ring on my finger every day, so it was important to him that I loved it, style wise. I pointed out a bunch of different styles I liked. I never gave him a "requirement" for the size of diamond, money to spend, anything like that.
Often it is the MAN that chooses to spend a ton of money on the engagement ring. It's a way to show off, stake a "claim" on a woman ... another status symbol. Men know some will judge them on the size of the diamond they give their fiancee - good or bad - so many men I've known have taken it pretty seriously. Some not only pick out a beautiful, big diamond, they design a custom setting!
If I had to choose where the money went, I'd rather it went toward the ring - an asset that will generally keep its value - than the party, honestly. Weddings are ridiculously expensive if you decide to give people food & drink (catered, that is). Obviously you can get some food from Costco or make it yourself or whatever, but if you have a wedding at even a simple venue with average catering and limited bar, it is very easy for things to reach $10k-$20k. The next time I get married, I'm going to Vegas or City Hall. As for the people that want $30k engagement rings? That's better for a down payment on a house.
I was just getting ready to say the same thing! I know a few men (my ex B-I-L for one ) that spend a freaking fortune on jewels for my sister. Rings were usually custom, but everything was always carefully chosen from one of his jewelers, and they were always very expensive. My sister never asked for any of them...but she did become accustomed to that sort of thing over the years. She never expected them, and always appreciated them, but I think the gifts were always more about HIM than her. Always.
This is what a healthy relationship looks like for most people in one. When it's completely one sided, that's when people start resenting each other.
Congrats on finding a good woman! My GF treats me pretty well, and it's reciprocated.
I can see how it is traditional for the man to be the pursuer, the one who takes care of expenses, the one who takes initiative, the one who romances, etc. It seems to work just fine for most couples but I rather be in a relationship where things are reciprocated. Feels awesome .
My husband wanted me to have "the best" that he could give, the same way that onihC's lady wanted him to have the "best seats" at that event she treated him to. No difference. And yes, it does make me feel special, just as I'm sure that onihC felt special sitting in those seats.
Tickets were hard to get so just getting them was a big thing for me. Putting the effort to look for better seats even if it costed her more, wow! I am melting.
What do you guys think of women who ask for their man to upgrade their ring or ask to go to the jewelry together to change the one they got for a different one?
Has anybody here given an engagement ring or watch to their man? I’ve heard of some cases out there where women would do that for their man. One that comes to mind is of a lady who saved for a couple of months to get her man a fancy watch and just waited for that special moment to give it to him. They went out for dinner one evening, guy proposes, and she took out the watch with a note on it that said “YES!” and put it on his wrist. Aaaaaw!
I like sparkly things (real and fake. ) My husband knew that before he proposed to me. He asked me what would be my ideal ring. I told him. And eventually I received my ideal ring. My husband told me that if for any reason I was unhappy with it, that he would not be the least bit insulted if I wanted to change it, after all it was a piece of jewelry I was going to be wearing every day for hopefully a long time...he wanted me to be happy with it.
Now, as for my ideal ring, I knew where he/we stood financially. We already owned a home together, so a down payment was a non-issue. He asked, so I told him what shape, carat weight and metal I had in mind. He wasn't offended because he got it for me.
My husband knows I like jewelry and he's just as happy to buy it for me. He doesn't give a rat's a$s what other men think about him buying me diamonds, as long as they take note of the rock on my left hand.
Has anybody here given an engagement ring or watch to their man? I’ve heard of some cases out there where women would do that for their man. One that comes to mind is of a lady who saved for a couple of months to get her man a fancy watch and just waited for that special moment to give it to him. They went out for dinner one evening, guy proposes, and she took out the watch with a note on it that said “YES!†and put it on his wrist. Aaaaaw!
If it works for the couple, more power to them.
It wouldn't work for us, and I'd say that's fine as well.
I can buy a nice Fossil brand bag (I bought my last one on clearance for $75) and brand name shoes (Ahnu hiking boots - also on sale, for $75) but that is a far far cry from a $10k Rolex. I would not buy ANYONE a $10k watch, and simply would not do it, I don't care how much they wanted it.
Yeah, not sure if I would feel I am with the right person if she demanded or expected an expensive shiny ring. I would not do it either. Would you get married if you only got a band or no ring at all?
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Originally Posted by augiedogie
I think all the money spent on weddings, including the dress and ring is just pure waste, but makes the bride feel good about herself so she can brag to her friends. IMHO, there are a lot of women today that are more interesting in having a wedding than being married. That's a problem for the poor man she's about to marry.
Wedding seem to focus on the bride and sometimes it may feel as an adult version of a Sweet Sixteen or Quinceañera but if a girl has been dreaming about it since she was a child then why not? As long as it doesn’t break a man’s bank I don’t see why not something in between, not glamorous Hollywood style but not cheapy one either. Whatever works for the couple. If a woman feels she has to compete with her girlfriends and brag about her ring and wedding, what a poor personality.
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I knew a guy who told me that his gf would not get engaged unless he paid $15,000 for an engagement ring. To me, that would have been a sign to break it off, but he bought her the ring and they did get married.
Later she will demand a bigger house, a fancier car, fancier clothes, and the list goes on like a snowball going down a hill. It is hard for a man to put his foot down on these things if he doesn’t do it from the beginning. What’s interesting about women who demand a ring like the girl you mentioned, demand a fancy glamorous wedding, etc. they are not willing to be as giving in the relationship. It’s all about them. Just like macho men who are controlling in the relationship but are not willing to hear their woman’s voice when it comes to decisions.
What do you guys think of women who ask for their man to upgrade their ring or ask to go to the jewelry together to change the one they got for a different one?
I don't know. I haven't known a single woman IRL who did this. The only time I've seen that happen was on reality TV.
It was with this guy who had his trophy wife yet he was surprised.
But again. We're talking reality TV. I clicked off pretty fast so I don't really remember the details, it just came to mind when I saw what you had written (above).
I'm a middle-aged woman and have never understood the big wedding, big diamond ring thing, so I'm probably not the one to ask.
I have a simple gold band and never wanted anything more. My husband and I are both very practical people and pretty cheap, to be honest. Spending thousands on a ring would unnerve me. I'd rather go on a trip or put it in savings for something we need down the road.
When I was in my 20's I knew a beautiful young woman who had a honking big diamond ring to go with her fairy tale wedding. She told me that she often had nightmares that someone was trying to steal the ring and she would have to swallow it to save it. Who needs that kind of stress?
It would be hilarious to see the same lynch mob on the other boards telling guys not to spend so much on their game systems, phones, tablets, cameras, motorcycles, boat, gun collection, hobby cars, etc., but I think the hatred of frivolous spending is reserved for girl stuff.
It would be hilarious to see the same lynch mob on the other boards telling guys not to spend so much on their game systems, phones, tablets, cameras, motorcycles, boat, gun collection, hobby cars, etc., but I think the hatred of frivolous spending is reserved for girl stuff.
I think, the problem is spending their own hard earn money on someone else. People have no problem spending ridiculous amounts of money on themselves.
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) that spend a freaking fortune on jewels for my sister. Rings were usually custom, but everything was always carefully chosen from one of his jewelers, and they were always very expensive. My sister never asked for any of them...but she did become accustomed to that sort of thing over the years. She never expected them, and always appreciated them, but I think the gifts were always more about HIM than her. Always.
.
) My husband knew that before he proposed to me. He asked me what would be my ideal ring. I told him. And eventually I received my ideal ring. 
My husband told me that if for any reason I was unhappy with it, that he would not be the least bit insulted if I wanted to change it, after all it was a piece of jewelry I was going to be wearing every day for hopefully a long time...he wanted me to be happy with it.
