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My opinion here is not going to be popular at all ...
If you have no physical evidence he hits her, I would say mind your own business.
Accusing someone of domestic violence can easily get messy. You might end up triggering more damage to her than you think, especially if the husband is actually abusive and she refuses to leave him. The abuse might wind up getting worse for her. Be careful where you step in.
This is not your marriage nor is it your business to report it unless you've seen this individual hit her or if she confides in your.
I understand your concerns are coming from a genuine place, but this is definitely not your business. What happens in their marriage is their business.
While I understand you wanting to be a good person, you need to stay out of this. You have no direct proof of what goes on in their home, only guesses. No one likes an abuser or seeing a spouse hit, but there is a line here that you do not have the right or proof to cross.
To answer some of the common questions:
No, I have NO PROOF.
First marriage, never said it was either of their second marriage.
She is not pregnant, to my knowledge.
I do know the family, mostly husband and kids. Wife is usually working or home cooking and cleaning.
About a year ago a woman said to keep an eye out for my employee and his wife and kids. She said she see's signs of physical abuse. She obviously couldn't confirm it, but wanted me to be aware.
This latest one came from two women, one had been in an abusive marriage and got out. She said she could tell. The other woman said she knew something was up as she was acting very odd and crying.
My employee's do come to me for advise, to borrow money, to talk about what is going on in their personal lives. I encourage it. I tell them I'm here as your boss first, and as a friend when needed. If I can help I will.
I'm not making ANY move until I see something or hear something(from the family).
LostinPhilly, 777, absolutely right.
Like I said before, I was looking for advise on how to handle such a situation.
So you know this family? The education they have? Work they've done? Religion?
I also know a person that didn't help out and he beat his wife so bad she had a miscarriage. I've also heard of women beat to death. You want to talk BS "what if's" or solve a problem?
[snip].
I know that the best thing is to mind your own business. You can only lose. Let's say you will get him fired and the family will lose its main income. Who do you think she will hate? Who do you think may find herself with a dead cat or a burned house?
This not just serious. This is very very serious. Did you ask your family, your parents, your siblings, your kids if they are ok with entering into a severe conflict with violent people and their relatives and friends? Do you really think that your acts will have no consequences?
I really cannot understand this kind of people. Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-23-2017 at 10:36 PM..
Reason: Rude; personal attack.
My opinion here is not going to be popular at all ...
If you have no physical evidence he hits her, I would say mind your own business
This is not your marriage nor is it your business to report it unless you've seen this individual hit her or if she confides in your.
I understand your concerns are coming from a genuine place, but this is definitely not your business. What happens in their marriage is their business.
And if you have evidence ... mind your own business.
The tendency to play God is not reduced by praying.
I was in an abusive marriage (28 years). I spent many years in denial, was finishing my education in..........psychology! with an emphasis on working with ........abused women and children. I was taking graduate courses, didn't see myself in anything until I was doing an internship at a shelter when my advisor there called me in to her office and said I was doing an excellent job but she had serious questions about my own need for counselling. I looked at her in disbelief and stated that I was not being abused. Denial. I was. Most of it was psychological abuse but there were instances of physical that I excused (yup, typical pattern). It was 3 years later that my marriage ended.
So, there's not much you can do. Except wait to speak with the counsellor and find out what resources are available to the wife of your employee and then give that information to the friends of the woman. The absolute worst course of action would be to bring up the topic with your employee - dangerous for the wife and for you as well. And thanks for being such a concerned boss.
They asked her if she needed support that they have a group and they are there to help her.
I simply asked what I can do.
I think the only thing you can do, with out endangering her, or clueing him in, which would endanger her is possibly hold a staff wide meeting about the various mental health help that is available today. Be very general, talk about depression and the opiate problem, and abuse. Include everything, and he won’t singled out. Provide a packet to take home with phone numbers.
If in wrong place, please move to correct place. Thank you!
It has come to my attention that an employee(male) has hit his wife and it has been noticed by others also. The people that can tell are women, some of them have been in the same situation. "We could tell", "I could tell it's been happening". Both of these have been told to me today.
They also told me not to say anything as it will make it worse for her.
How can I help? How do I approach him about this?
Not anything you can do. That you care is good, but sadly she's got to leave him. That's up to her.
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