The fire went out... black, not even the smoke to sniff up the memory of last night's wild sight and resurrect its magic back, sun-burnt on the tip of a matchstick with one flick of God's finger, as all eternal blows out... Lost in shadows... Surround my lips like vicious flint with thrilled flicks licked with silk... It's going up in flames... As my spirit spreads! Get away my brains like stretching... Chain... Can't have wings... Wildfires rising high in my eyes... So wild... Fire irises. I'm...

Well Xmas came and went,it was harrowing for me,my sleep took a dive,I was very worried over it,I could barely eat due to the ongoing illness and was having all sorts of problems.Some sort of darkness too just shrouded me all Xmas eve till Xmas day, and the gloomy weather exaggerated the fact.It was probably the worst Xmas of my life.But I knew with my illness at disaster...

I was imagining myself in the house below all yesterday afternoon,staring at it,I'm still in love with it this morning.Its in the Faroe Islands but I wish it were in the Hebrides or some sacred British isle.I think now I want always a house by the sea,something about the sea in this picture is so solemn and mysterious.I never liked the sea before, but here I feel it's weight and depths.Im imagining having a vegetable garden there,tending to my zucchinis and tomatoes.I imagine myself writing sonnets...

Well I woke in total grief this morning but I journaled for an hour in a new journal I was given and got everything out and breathed a sigh of relief.Then I read Sharon Blackies Art of enchantment (a blog) she's a mythologist she wrote about the death mother,morrigu, and the winter solstice - the crux behind Christmas, and it was a complete elixir for me I came alive again after days of mindless drivel from YouTube.I cannot go back to these mindless empty days, though it will be hard as my mind...

Well I got very into the festive season but the week took a real downturn more brain damage on Sunday where I now just feel so fogged in the head and things I loved just unable to access them,unable to feel or think them,remember them,things that usually still bouy me up.Im left sort of wandering around grasping for anything to raise my spirits.My illness too has gone very bad over a month without going at all,at this rate I will spend Xmas in hospital, it has never been this bad.I wanted a nice...