I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
May flowers?.. Or May "blues?"
Posted 05-09-2013 at 03:02 PM by CArizona
This will be my first Mother's Day since both my sons passed away...I'm still technically a "mom" even though I don't have any children left or alive anymore...Today would have been my 27th wedding anniversary if my husband was still alive...And both my sons' birthdays are in May too...I don't want to get too caught-up in the "blues" just because May is full of so many special dates and memories...Can't let myself "drown" in self-pity...I bought a chocolate cake today in honor of my anniversary and Mother's Day. I just had a slice of it with fresh strawberries on the side. YUM!...I'm going to spoil myself as much as possible and cry when needed too...What else can I do?
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Phew! I finished moving everything over to the new place last night...The cats came over on the last trip...My widower neighbor came over (unexpectedly) with a plate of food. This was so nice!...I saw him a few days earlier and gave him my son's vacuum cleaner and some candles and other "odds and ends." It's not easy to move (and protect) candles in 115 to 117 degree heat!...My cat acted sad and scared about the move. And my son's cat was "hyper" and "bouncing" off the walls...My neighbor entertained the cats while I finished packing the remaining items....He stayed til the "end" and final "send-off" and helped me get the cats settled in the car...This is the first time I've had "personal help" like this since my husband and son died. Wow! It sure helps to have a little "support." My neighbor was "heaven-sent" last night...We hugged goodbye and promised to stay in touch...I worried about him a couple of times over the past year and a half and brought him food and just checked to see if he was okay...His wife died right on Easter Sunday in 2012.Posted 07-14-2013 at 07:17 PM by CArizona
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I'll be back soon...Trying to get "settled-in" after the move.Posted 07-16-2013 at 07:10 AM by CArizona
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Finally got a little rest today so I feel better. I think it might be a few degrees cooler today. Or maybe I just feel cooler because I stayed inside (more) today and "pigged-out" on ice cream...Anyway "cooler" is nice! And rest is important!...I have to get used to my new location. I've passed by this area zillions of times but never lived here before...Years ago we had a gift store in this town. (Right on the highway.) But it seems like it was part of another lifetime...Who am I? Where am I? What am I "doing" here? As my husband used to say: "Your guess is as good as mine!"Posted 07-16-2013 at 03:47 PM by CArizona
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I played Christmas carols yesterday. (To stay "upbeat.") And it helped!...Everyone always talks about "Christmas in July!" So why not?...None of my other CD's lifted my "spirits" as much as the Christmas carols did. And I have some "oldie but goodies" too. (Songs by Bing Crosby and Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, Johnny Mathis etc.)...I'm "old" so I grew-up listening to all these singers. Sure brings back a lot of happy memories.Posted 07-16-2013 at 06:10 PM by CArizona
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Haven't had as much time to write lately since I'm still unpacking from the move...Takes time (and patience) to get "settled." I don't have a magic wand to make everything happen fast. (Or overnight!)...And I've been tired. So I have to prioritize and get to things one by one...For 30 years I "made moves" with my husband. We did everything together...We moved into new houses. And we set-up our gift stores, etc...This time I was on my "own.".. I'd probably give myself a C+ or B- for the way I've handled the move so far...I hardly ever give myself A's. (When it comes to anything!) Want to stay humble and modest I guess! Don't want to get a "big head!".. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to give myself a little more credit once in awhile.Posted 07-18-2013 at 08:03 AM by CArizona
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I am ready for some peace and quiet and "low stress" kind of days. (Where everything goes "smoothly.")....No problems to solve....No unexpected "snags!".. Calm and peace and serenity!Posted 07-19-2013 at 12:24 PM by CArizona
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Whew! I've sure been caught-up in a "whirlwind" of unexpected problems.. Plus high heat and high humidity day after day...And extreme tiredness from my move...Sometimes I barely feel "human" anymore...I just "exist" and try to make it through each day. Not good!...Took a break and went to see a friend today. And "peeked" in a new store...Diversions may help!Posted 07-20-2013 at 07:32 PM by CArizona
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I'm still alive! (I think!)...Having trouble getting caught-up since the move. But soon...Hopefully!Posted 07-22-2013 at 10:50 AM by CArizona
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Yesterday was the anniversary of my husband's death. So it was a weird day for me. .. But I had a vivid dream about my husband and this was nice. Great to "see" and interact with him again. (Even though it was just a dream.)...I wish more of my loved ones would come and "visit" me in my dreams...My cat "Jumper" came to "visit" me awhile back ago and it was great to "see" him! Do you ever have dreams about loved ones who died?Posted 07-23-2013 at 07:24 PM by CArizona
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Normally we have super low humidity here in the desert. But we're in Monsoon season right now and the humidity is way up. (Along with the heat!)...So I have to deal with "wet" and "sticky" now. YUK! Do you have high humidity in your area during the Summer months?...Maybe higher humidity is better for the skin. Not sure...When the humidity is low I enjoy being "dry." But maybe it's too "dry." And takes a toll on my skin. Don't know...I "grease-up" every day just in case. Better to be "safe" than "sorry!" Right?Posted 07-24-2013 at 12:24 PM by CArizona
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Should, should, should! I "should" be doing lots of things right now! But I'm totally exhausted and "wiped-out!" Even sick or ??..."Drained" beyond description!...So maybe I need to take a little time off and "lay-low" for awhile until my strength comes back and I have more energy...My mind works better than my body does right now. But my mind isn't quite up to par either!...I can't remember feeling so tired and "drained!" YUK! Anyway I better "listen" to my mind and body and rest for awhile now. Don't want to end-up in the hospital because I refused to "listen" and take time off to "recover" from the move.Posted 07-24-2013 at 12:37 PM by CArizona
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Drug (dug) myself out of bed to get some errands done....Boy oh boy! Was it ever hot! Like hell on earth! But I think it helped to get out and away for a bit...I'm not a "same old, same old" kind of person. YUK! I can't stand ruts and routines! And "musts" and "shoulds" and "have to's"...Anyway I'm glad I forced myself to get out of bed. Glad I went out. (Even though I felt like "crud" at first.)Posted 07-24-2013 at 06:11 PM by CArizona
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Still alive...Just haven't been feeling up to par lately. So I'm trying to rest and take it easy for awhile. Rest is "good!"Posted 07-27-2013 at 07:21 AM by CArizona
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Been awhile since I blogged...Guess I'm still trying to pull myself together after the move. ("Find myself" again or ??)..."Something" is definitely going on with me! I'm just not sure "what" yet!...Anyway I'm still alive. Just in a different place and trying to adjust!Posted 07-29-2013 at 05:56 PM by CArizona
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Starting tomorrow and over the weekend I'm going to get into "high gear." (I hope!)....Going to rearrange furniture (and "stuff") to create a better "flow."...Normally my husband took over this job when we moved or decided to remodel...But now it's just me and everything rests on my shoulders.. I have to create a better "floor plan" and "flow." (Before I pull all of my hair out!)...I hope I wake-up full of vim and vigor and energy tomorrow. And ready to "get to work!".. Just can't handle being disorganized anymore! YUK!Posted 07-31-2013 at 03:29 PM by CArizona
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I'm still alive!.. Guess the move really "shook me up!" (More than I expected or anticipated.) Trying to put some "foundation" under my feet (now) and regain my "balance."...The move affected my cats too. We've all been "walking zombies" and "lost souls!" But one day soon we'll create a new sense of "normal." And feel more "at home." (Hopefully!)Posted 08-06-2013 at 04:13 PM by CArizona
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I need to get back to blogging on a regular basis. I think it would help me...I've been a little "lost" and disoriented since I moved. And now I have a cat who will probably die soon....His name is "Little T" and he's the last one left from his family of 5 cats...He grew-up with his Mom and 2 brothers and a sister. Everyone else died over the past couple of years..."Little T" hasn't been the same since his brother "Silky" died in January. They were close and "buddies" for 16 years...I still have my son's cat "Gracie" left but she's never been friendly to "Little T." (Even though he's been nice and friendly to her.)..."Little T" is a "fighter" and he's trying to stick around as long as he can. But I know that his days are probably "numbered" and it's sad...I let myself cry and cry the other day. Still cry...But I'm trying to spend "quality time" with "Little T." He likes me to sing to him.Posted 08-11-2013 at 03:12 PM by CArizona
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I hate to be a "downer." Or a "total downer."...When I'm dealing with problems and unresolved issues I don't want to pull everyone into my "stuff." Or limit the conversation to "my troubles."...A friend called me last night and he definitely wanted to focus on his problems. After listening to him go "on and on" and "on" for quite awhile I felt like telling him that he's not the only one who has problems...My cat is on the verge of dying right now and I'm dealing with some other "pressing issues" in my life too...But all my friend wanted to do was focus on himself. Think he viewed me as a "mom figure." As someone who wasn't suppose to have a "self" (of my own) beyond listening to him and focusing on him, etc... Guess this is called narcissism...Anyway I care about my friend but it sure felt good to say "goodbye!"Posted 08-12-2013 at 08:57 AM by CArizona
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My younger son and I were close. (When he was alive.) But I wouldn't call him a "mama's boy."...He was close to his dad and step-dad and grandparents and other relatives too...He was "family-oriented." But he was never a "clone." (Of everyone else.)..He definitely had a mind (and ideas) of his very own. And this made him "interesting!"...Plus he was interested in getting to know all of us too...My older son wasn't quite as "family-oriented." He went out into the world and did his "own thing." And just "checked-in" every so often...Sad that everyone is "gone" now...Pretty soon I'll be down to just one cat because I don't think "Little T" will live much longer. Sad!Posted 08-13-2013 at 02:55 PM by CArizona
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My friend had a heart attack yesterday. Thank goodness he's doing better now...I'm going back to the hospital to see him today. And feeding his dog.Posted 08-16-2013 at 07:17 AM by CArizona
