I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
May flowers?.. Or May "blues?"
Posted 05-09-2013 at 03:02 PM by CArizona
This will be my first Mother's Day since both my sons passed away...I'm still technically a "mom" even though I don't have any children left or alive anymore...Today would have been my 27th wedding anniversary if my husband was still alive...And both my sons' birthdays are in May too...I don't want to get too caught-up in the "blues" just because May is full of so many special dates and memories...Can't let myself "drown" in self-pity...I bought a chocolate cake today in honor of my anniversary and Mother's Day. I just had a slice of it with fresh strawberries on the side. YUM!...I'm going to spoil myself as much as possible and cry when needed too...What else can I do?
Total Comments 248
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I've been keeping a "low profile" lately. Taking time for myself...Doing okay...One of my friend's "rescue cats" got injured and I've been showering the cute little cat with attention and trying to "nurse" him back to health. He's doing so much better now. And I'm glad!...i'll come back and write more later.Posted 10-08-2013 at 08:28 AM by CArizona
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I have to get back in the swing of writing again...Been "keeping mum" lately. Or "tight-lipped" or ??...I haven't been a "tell-all!" (In other words.)...My life has been on the "mundane side" lately. (Uneventful!) But I do try to learn "something" from all of my experiences. (If possible, anyway!)...Maybe I'll be more of a "motor-mouth" tomorrow. And more open and gregarious! Hope so!Posted 10-09-2013 at 08:41 PM by CArizona
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I "credit" my cats and my son's cats and now the "rescue cats" for giving me a reason to "keep on going." (After my human family members passed-away.)...And my love and passion for cooking helps too. I enjoy "playing" in the kitchen and inventing new recipes...Of course I live alone now and eat by myself most of the time. But I still enjoy "being creative" in the kitchen and "whipping-up" something new and different several times a week...I can't bring my loved ones back to life. Or solve all of my problems overnight...But I can still "do something." I can take care of cats who need love and attention. And I can throw ingredients together in the kitchen and try to cook "with love!" (Love and caring for myself!)Posted 10-10-2013 at 01:04 PM by CArizona
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My world has been full of cats lately. (My friend's "rescue cats.") And my son's cat "Gracie."...I "interact" with cats far more than I do with people these days....Down the road I might write stories about cats. (Cats who "talk!")...I already have my "lead characters." I'll put some "plots" together based on my day-to-day observations. And "real-life" experiences with each cat..I depend on my "cat friends" just as much as they depend on me. So it's hard to stay away from them for long...Call me the "cat lady!" This is what I seem to be!Posted 10-11-2013 at 06:34 PM by CArizona
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Life should be about "more" than paying bills or going to work or going shopping.. Or taking time out to eat or clean, etc...Going from "point A" to "point B" on the very same "track" (day after day) can get pretty boring. Don't you think?.. It can lead to "feeling old" prematurely!..Or feeling like a robot! YUK!..."Same old, same old" day after day is awful!.. Good to have a little spontaneity once in awhile. Good to get off the "beaten track!" Don't you think?Posted 10-12-2013 at 10:06 AM by CArizona
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Good thing I have cats around to hug. (And cuddle!) Otherwise I might end-up "starved" for affection...This morning the "rescue cat" I "nursed" back to health came running to see me. And I picked him up and held him on my lap for awhile. He was a "happy camper" and I was too! We needed some "love" from each other!...My son's cat "Gracie" has become a big-time "cuddler." We need each other too!...Sure miss my cat "Little T." He died 2 months ago but he will always "live-on" in my heart. (Same goes for all of my cats and my human loved ones too!)Posted 10-14-2013 at 08:20 AM by CArizona
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The "snowbirds" are here! The "snowbirds" have arrived for the Winter!...I dread going out now due to all the (extra) traffic on the highway. And everything takes "longer" now. (We have longer lines in stores and longer lines in the bank and post office, etc.)...Oh well! I'll just have to adjust...The stores and restaurants and casinos are probably "jumping for joy" to have more "business." (And sales!) But "locals" and year-round residents don't exactly "jump for joy" during "snowbird season." Life becomes a little "harder" and more stressful for us. Oh well!Posted 10-17-2013 at 08:40 PM by CArizona
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I finally started calling friends again. (Bit by bit.)...Just needed to take a little time "for myself" for awhile. And "time off" from the world, etc...I notice some changes in myself. I seem stronger. And a little more "together." (Not quite so fragile!)...I'm even "joking around" with people a little more. I have to tell some friends that I'm just "joking" or "playing around" because they expect me to be on the "serious-side." (My sense of humor was "dormant" for awhile.)...I don't feel like a "plain jane" or vanilla ice cream anymore...I have a little more "spice" and "color" these days. And it feels good!Posted 10-19-2013 at 01:16 PM by CArizona
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The holidays are just around the corner...I'm not sure where I'll "be" on Thanksgiving or Christmas yet...Right now it's a mystery and still "up in the air."...I've spent holidays with my friend and her family the past few years. (Since my husband and son passed away.)...But I don't live right around the corner from my friend anymore. And we don't see or talk to each other as often. (Nothing "bad" happened! We still "like" each other!)...Anyway, the holidays are "up for grabs" at this point. I'm taking a "wait and see" approach.. If I end-up alone, I'll be okay. I'll make myself a plate of "gourmet nachos." And "pig-out" on my favorite chocolate candy. This is a tradition I started awhile back ago for my "all alone" holidays!..I make homemade guacamole and all my favorite dips too! Try to make it a fun "solitary fiesta!"Posted 10-22-2013 at 06:01 PM by CArizona
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I'm glad I have the ability to say that I'm "sorry" when conflicts pop-up in my relationships. (Even if I feel "wronged.".. And even if I feel "right" when it comes to what I said, or how I handled a situation, etc.)...I don't want to "play victim" or stay "hot-headed" forever...Or self-righteous, etc...I don't want to get stuck in "blame/shame" games either. Or worse: Become consumed with hate or revenge, etc...Life is just too short for all this "baloney." And when I'm full of anger towards someone else I become "miserable" myself!...So I try to find a way to "patch things up" versus "staying mad" forever. And wallowing in self-pity...I'm a big believer in "peace offerings." Of course I do run into people who would rather "fight wars" and "do battle" than try to "make-up." (And "create bridges," etc.)...Oh well! I do "my part" and accept "what happens."...I turned "conflict" into "peace" (again) with a friend this morning by being the first one to say: "I'm sorry." And I'm glad I did!...There was a big misunderstanding. (On all "sides.") But now we "get" each others' feelings and motives, etc.. And we both "feel loved" and "appreciated" again. YEA!Posted 10-25-2013 at 10:55 AM by CArizona
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My friend's "big sis" has been through a lot recently. Her daughter had surgery for breast cancer. And she's recovering now...We all handle things in different ways. My friend's "big sis" doesn't talk about her feelings (or her fears) very often...And I don't push her to "open-up." I know she's been "bombarded" with all kinds of feelings lately. But it's just not her nature to "admit" to "being worried" or "scared," etc...She keeps-up a "brave front" at all times. And acts stoic and "matter-of-fact," etc...She told me what she did everyday when she stayed at her daughter's house. (When her daughter was in the hospital.)...Actually, everything was "about her" and what "she did." I had to "press" to find out a little more about her daughter...Guess we all come from different cultures and have different "ways."Posted 10-25-2013 at 12:30 PM by CArizona
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How do you "manage" your stress? (Or fears and worries, etc.)...Sometimes my stress can really get the "best" of me and "drive me crazy!"...But I don't want to leave myself in a "stressful state" forever and ever with no "relief!"...And I definitely don't want to "take" my stress "out" on the people around me. (In negative or "snippy" ways.)...Sometimes I just have to "live" with my stress (and fears and worries) for awhile until I can figure-out "concrete solutions" to my problems...I don't want to be "miserable" all the time. Or unhappy. Or "mad" just because I have to deal with some stress and uncertainty for awhile...It's nice to have a little joy and "good feelings" and "good times" too. (Despite all of my problems!).. Having a sense of "balance" in my life really helps!Posted 10-26-2013 at 08:01 AM by CArizona
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"She's nice...But she can be a little weird or 'nerdy' at times!"...I wonder if this is what some people say (or think) about me. I'd love be able to "read minds!".. Do you ever wonder how others may "view you?"...I don't take the attitude that I'm the "norm." Or "perfection!" Or everyone's "cup of tea!"...I know I might seem odd or "way out there"' or "off the wall" at times!...I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday and she kept saying that she was searching for "her tribe!" (People who understand and appreciate her!)...And I can totally relate! We don't necessarily "click" with everyone we meet!...As a kid I was surprised when I found out that everyone didn't like chocolate! Or cats! Or spending time out in the middle of "nowhere" and nature, etc...We're all unique individuals with our very own "tastes" and preferences!.. I may not be your "cup of tea" but thank goodness I run into a few people who seem to enjoy my "flavor" and my "ways," etc...And I know this is the case for all of us!.. Please "lead me" to my "tribe" and "my people" so I won't feel so "all alone" and weird and "alien" all the time!.. Amen!Posted 10-27-2013 at 01:47 PM by CArizona
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Pretty soon it will be 6 months since I started this blog. (In May.) ..The focus was on staying positive for Mother's Day and all of my other special dates in May. (Both my sons' birthdays and my wedding anniversary, etc.)...I guess I made it through May "okay" and "beyond!" (Still in "one piece!").. I didn't "crack-up" or lose my "marbles!"...I'm still "intact" in other words. So this is something to celebrate!...Life has definitely been a "rocky road!" I've only had a few "smooth transactions!" But oh well and what the "hey!".. I "survived!" And that's all that matters! Right?Posted 10-28-2013 at 09:03 PM by CArizona
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My son's cat Gracie is big and "buff" and muscular. ("Ms. Macho!")...She doesn't like to be picked-up and held. It doesn't fit her image! (I guess.)...But yet, Gracie loves to cuddle. She lets me hug her all I want and even kiss her as long as I don't try to pick her up...And she kisses me back! (She "licks" me.) My son called this giving us "sugar!"...Gracie is a big-time "survivor!" She's been through so many losses herself...I really admire the way she's been able to "roll" with the "punches!" She's a good role-model for me!...Gracie just got up from her nap and came over to lay by me and squeaked "hello!" She gave me "sugar!" ("Licked" me!) How sweet!....Everyone else died and left us "behind." Oh well!.. Gracie and I still have each other. (To love and enjoy!).. We're still a family! She's "my girl" and I'm "her girl" too!Posted 10-28-2013 at 09:57 PM by CArizona
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I'm going to try to do something special and out of the ordinary tomorrow. (For Halloween.)...My younger son was "big" on celebrating holidays and special days like Halloween.. Since he's been gone I've slid into a "funk."...I've turned into an "old lady" and "shriveled-up" like a prune! (Not good!)...So I'm going to plan something "fun" to do tomorrow. (Even though I'll be by myself.)...My local friends just want to "stay in" tomorrow. So I'll figure-out "something" to do on my own. Wish me luck! (Thanks!)...Happy Halloween to everyone! (Young and old and in-between, etc.)Posted 10-30-2013 at 10:41 AM by CArizona
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I tried my best to have fun on Halloween! Did okay. (I guess.)...Sure missed my husband and son. "Together" we would have found a way to have lots of fun! (Fun galore!)...Oh well! I keep trying to "be okay" and "do okay" all by myself!...I'm not sure where I'll spend the holidays this year. One of my friends lives in a local RV park. He's been inviting me to attend holiday parties at his "park" for quite awhile now but I haven't gone...Now, I know more people at his "park" since I've been giving my friend rides to the store and doctor's appointments, etc. (He's been sick.)...Anyway, I told my friend that I'd go with him to the "park" Thanksgiving party. (The weekend right before Thanksgiving.)...I may spend the actual holidays with another friend and her husband. (As I've been "doing" for the past couple of years.) Just not sure yet...How about you? Where will you spend the holidays?Posted 11-02-2013 at 11:45 AM by CArizona
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I'll be 65 pretty soon! Wow!.. I'll be a genuine and official "senior citizen!" (And "old gray mare!")...Hard to believe! Where did all the years "go?"...Most people think I'm younger than I am...I try not to act "old" and "cratchety!" Being this way isn't fun! YUK!...It's sad that my family members won't be with me on my birthday this year. (My BIG Social Security and Medicare birthday!)...Well, I guess it's good that I'm still "ticking!" And good that I still have my senses and sanity and sense of humor...Bring it on! Bring on the "BIG 65!" I'm "game!".. I don't plan to "shrivel-up" or "croak" anytime soon!Posted 11-02-2013 at 05:23 PM by CArizona
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I think I "over-reacted" a bit in a thread today. This hasn't happened in a long time...Normally, I'm mild-mannered and pretty "flatlined." But something sure "stirred me up" today. And got under my "skin" for some reason...I'm sure I probably did a little "projecting" based on my own life and experiences...I must have some "unfinished business" to work-through with my older son. (Because the thread involves a son and his widowed mother.).. Anyway, I'm going to "zero-in" on my relationship with my older son to see what I can learn and discover...Sometimes, we "rubbed" each other the "wrong way." But at other times, we were totally "in-tune" and "in-sync!".. I sure miss my older son. He died first. And before long, everyone died. (All in a row!) Sad!Posted 11-02-2013 at 08:41 PM by CArizona
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Phew! I'm not all "wrapped-up" in that thread anymore...I'm "free" again!.. Time to mind my own "business!" I have plenty to deal with on my own "plate" right now. Can't take on the "world!"...I used to get into debates (at times) when I was younger. But now I want "peace!"Posted 11-05-2013 at 08:12 AM by CArizona
