I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
May flowers?.. Or May "blues?"
Posted 05-09-2013 at 03:02 PM by CArizona
This will be my first Mother's Day since both my sons passed away...I'm still technically a "mom" even though I don't have any children left or alive anymore...Today would have been my 27th wedding anniversary if my husband was still alive...And both my sons' birthdays are in May too...I don't want to get too caught-up in the "blues" just because May is full of so many special dates and memories...Can't let myself "drown" in self-pity...I bought a chocolate cake today in honor of my anniversary and Mother's Day. I just had a slice of it with fresh strawberries on the side. YUM!...I'm going to spoil myself as much as possible and cry when needed too...What else can I do?
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I had fun passing out Easter baskets to all my friends this year. And I went "treasure hunting" for half-price candy this week. (For myself!)...I guess the focus is on Mother's Day now. Maybe I should buy myself something for Mother's Day...Normally, I'm not much of a shopper. But, what the hey! I think I'll treat myself to something!...Time to "loosen-up" a little bit and go with the "flow!" Make Mother's Day fun and special for myself!...I'm still a "mom" to my son's cat Gracie. I'm sure Gracie would buy me a little something if she could...When my sons were little, they used to save part of their allowance and buy me "Snicker's" (candy bars) for my birthday and Mother's Day. They knew I was a "Snicker's lover!"...I sure miss my "boys!" But, I know that they'll always be with me "in spirit!" (From "beyond!")Posted 04-26-2014 at 08:28 AM by CArizona
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Life is definitely full of challenges. ("Road-bumps," obstacles, puzzles with missing "pieces," etc.)...When I wake up in the morning, I always hope for peace and tranquility. (A "hassle-free" day!)....Yet, I know that I might be faced with a few challenges and situations that push me out of my "comfort zone."...What's going to end-up on my "lap" today? What will I learn?.. I don't want to "cave-in" every time I'm faced with a "new-fangled problem!" I try to put my "thinking cap" on. (As my Dad used to say.) And roll-up my "sleeves!"...I know it's my "job" to find solutions. And this is what I try to do even though it's "hard" at times...It's nice to have a few "kick-back" days in between all the problem-solving and mental and physical challenges...I hope I'm "off" today! Need a "break!" But if something ends-up on my "lap," my "thinking cap" is "charged" and ready to "go!"Posted 05-05-2014 at 08:05 AM by CArizona
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My first husband used to go "all out" for Mother's Day and my birthday and our anniversary, etc...He "showered" me with gifts and flowers. And it was nice!...But I really wanted "everyday closeness." (A sense of being best friends all year long.) And this was "missing" in my first marriage...I had this kind of closeness with my "last" husband. We made every day together feel "special!"...Later in life, my first husband became more "giving" when it came to his emotions. He "opened-up" a lot more and we stayed friends until the day he died...To be honest, I'm not a very materialistic person. I don't want or need a "big show" when holidays or special days roll around...I enjoy being around people who are "emotionally available" everyday. People who "give" of themselves and take the time to pay attention to others...This is the "cat's meow" to me!Posted 05-05-2014 at 08:49 AM by CArizona
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Blah, blah, blah!.. Lately, I've had to work at staying "up." May has always been a rough month for me...I sure miss my family. Today would have been my wedding anniversary. And both my sons have birthdays in May...Mother's Day is having an effect on me this year. I'm still a mom but my "kids" aren't alive anymore. Sad! ..I cried a little bit yesterday but not "enough." Oh well! I'm a "tough cookie" and survivor...I'll find a way to spoil myself and stay in balance.Posted 05-09-2014 at 08:39 AM by CArizona
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Happy Memorial Day weekend....When my younger son was alive, we always celebrated his birthday over Memorial Day weekend...Sure miss my family! Feeling kind of lonely right now...Oh well! I'll just do the best I can!.. Don't want to turn into a "sour-puss!".. I keep looking for ways to "perk-up" even though I'm still going through grief. (And miss my family like "crazy!")Posted 05-23-2014 at 11:36 AM by CArizona
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I'm glad May is almost over. Phew!.. This year, May hit me like a "ton of bricks!" Or a "bulldozer" or ??...May is full of so many special dates for me. Reminders and memories of my "former life." (And all of my family members who passed-away.)...Guess I just wasn't ready or prepared to face May this year...I'm not totally "numb" anymore so I "feel more" these days...Oh well! I should give myself a trophy or special treat or reward for surviving May 2014! I'm still in "one piece!" I didn't go "down the drain!"...Hopefully, I'll be in a "better place" when May rolls around next year...I think I will!...In the meantime, I'm ready to say "hello" to June! And "goodbye" to May 2014!Posted 05-31-2014 at 10:41 AM by CArizona
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I've been missing and "absent" for awhile when it comes to my blogs...Oh well! I'm back!...If my husband was here, he'd say: "Hi back!" (As if I was changing my name to "back!")...I sure miss my husband and his "cute ways" and sense of humor...His birthday just passed. And the anniversary date of his death is right around the corner...It's still hard to go on without my husband and sons and the rest of my family. But, I keep trying!Posted 07-12-2014 at 10:36 AM by CArizona
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Sometimes, I feel like I'm "tripping" all over the place!.. I don't know which end is up or down and I walk around feeling "lost" for awhile...Phew! It's hard to go on without my husband and sons and other family members...Sometimes, I feel like I'm floating around in space with no "foundation" under my feet!...I know that it's up to me to build a new life and a new "foundation" for myself. And I will! (Eventually.)Posted 07-14-2014 at 11:48 AM by CArizona
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Maybe I should start writing in this blog again since May is on the horizon again. (Well, almost!)...May will always be a special month for me. I married my wonderful husband in May. Both my sons were born in May...But right now, it's still January and the first of the year. Maybe it will do me some good to get in a May "state of mind." And, think about what I hope to do, or accomplish by the time May rolls round...I'd like to be a "happier camper" and have more peace and content in my life even though my loved ones aren't with me on the physical plane anymore...They will always be with me "in-spirit." Our love, and all of our wonderful memories will never fade-away or die.Posted 01-06-2015 at 11:40 AM by CArizona
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Hip Hop! Easter will be here soon and May isn't too far away...I need to start blogging again. What do I hope to accomplish by May? Or not?...The trouble is, I'm not absolutely sure what I want quite yet. Maybe I should just be happy with the status quo for right now. And, small and subtle changes...What do I want to do for Easter this year? How can I have a little fun tomorrow?...It's hard to leap too far ahead when I'm still in limbo and uncertain about what I truly "want."Posted 03-22-2015 at 09:15 AM by CArizona
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I haven't been much of a "talker" lately. (In general.)...My friends probably wonder what "happened" to me. And, the truth is, I'm not sure why I changed so much...I've been forcing myself to call or write to friends this week to wish everyone a happy Easter. Holidays have always been "my thing." I don't want to play "Scrooge" when birthdays or holidays roll around or other special occasions...But all in all, I think I've just gotten used to "going it alone" most of the time. I don't seem to need outside validation. Wonder if I'll stay this way. Who knows?Posted 03-31-2015 at 09:47 AM by CArizona
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I've sure changed since I started this blog. (A couple of years ago.) I don't know whether the changes are "good" or not...Maybe my former self (and personality) just went into "hiding" for awhile. Or, maybe I have become a different person. I'm not sure yet...Anyway, this blog is suppose to be about May. And, May is right around the corner. So, here I am!.. Time to "face" the month of May. And hopefully, post a little something every few days or so.Posted 04-24-2015 at 07:34 AM by CArizona
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Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms! I hope everyone has a great weekend!Posted 05-08-2015 at 07:17 AM by CArizona
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I "survived" May...Maybe I'll be in a different "place" next year by the time May rolls around. Hope so!...I'm still not much of a "talker." (Compared to the past.) I've sure changed...I still had a lot of "life" left inside of me when I started this blog. (Despite all of my losses.)...Hopefully, I'll be able to "open-up" again. And, find more hope and joy in life. I'm trying!Posted 06-11-2015 at 06:09 AM by CArizona
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Happy 4th of July! Have fun!Posted 07-03-2015 at 07:34 PM by CArizona
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I think I'm finally starting to come out of my "slump." YEA! Phew!...I don't like to write when I'm "down." Don't want to bring anyone else "down.".. I'm glad that I'm starting to feel more hopeful and positive again. YEA!...I'm ready to get back out into life a little more. "Strut" my "stuff!" (Whatever that means!)Posted 10-01-2015 at 04:51 PM by CArizona
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Happy October! (Even though this blog is suppose to be about May!)...I'm trying to "chill-out" a lot more. Take things "in stride!"...My cat Gracie helps me stay positive. I don't want to be a "grump" around her. She's such a "cutie pie" and she tries to be happy no matter what!...I've had a few "moody" cats in the past. Cats who "acted-out" or played "games" when they didn't get their way...Gracie isn't like this. She enjoys being happy. And, she still loves to play even though she's 16 years old now...I try to learn from Gracie and follow her example! She's a fantastic role-model. I sure feel blessed to have Gracie in my life. She's my "honey bunny" and best friend in the whole world!Posted 10-11-2015 at 11:50 AM by CArizona
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I've fallen behind when it comes to "blogging" again. Oh well!...Time to write a little more. What should I say? Or write?...Maybe I should complain about falling into "ruts!" YUK! Sometimes I feel like a robot going from "Point A" to "Point B" and back again on automatic pilot...I need to put my chores and routines aside and "kick up my heels" a little more...Feel young again! Light and easy and breezy! "Devil-may-care!"...It's time for an "attitude adjustment!" (As my husband used to say.) Time to play and have more fun!Posted 10-24-2015 at 08:34 AM by CArizona
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Happy Thanksgiving! What are your plans for today?...I'm "going it alone." Want to have a stress-free and low-key day.. I'll cuddle-up with my kitty-cat and watch Christmas movies. Get out my Christmas carol CD's and tapes...Looking forward to doing whatever I want and just "chilling" today. No stress! No mess! No fuss! No debt, duty and obligation...I really need a day "off!" Don't mind being alone today...Wishing everyone a wonderful day! Happy Thanksgiving!!Posted 11-26-2015 at 07:23 AM by CArizona
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Time to write some more...I only have four Christmas cards to mail out this year. How about you?...Once upon a time, I sent out twenty or even thirty (or more) cards during the holiday season.. Oh well! I don't mind having a "lighter load" now...I don't have to "shop 'til I drop" anymore either. I can sit back and watch Christmas movies and listen to Christmas carols minus all the stress...I probably should have posted this in my "Countdown to the Holidays" blog. Oh well! No big deal! It's not the end of the world! I have the right to "mix" and "match!"Posted 12-04-2015 at 07:12 AM by CArizona
