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My son and his family just moved to Las Vegas from Chico, California. It took me and his wife a lot of efforts to get them move here. My son is an engineer and he used to get paid just over 60K a year when he was working in Chico. His wife work part time as a veterinarian assistant. They have a boy together and his wife have a 7 years old from pervious relationship.
They finally moved here in September. My son got a job that pays him salary of 200K a year plus bonus. Now his wife is able to stay home as a house wife and the oldest boy is attending private school. His wife also finally got a SUV she has really wanted for a long time. Everybody seems much happier in general.
But my son have never seems happy at all. In fact his oldest son once told my husband that my son never smiled any more which is true when I think about it. My son also seems very cold and distant from every body and pretty much stay at work as much as possible, and whenever he’s home, he’d just sleep or lock himself in the office most of the time which is very uncharacteristic of him.
A couple of months ago, he starts to go up to Chico for the weekend once every month.
This weekend we tried to celebrate his birthday. We tried to take him to the strip for dinner. Before the food even came, he breaks down and says he cannot live here any more and left.
I know in Chico, he has a lot of friends and is very well known by many people. He also was almost always up to something and always doing something on his off day. He used to take his family out on a very regular base and seems much happier. So we tried to get him involved into something but nothing seems worked out.
Tonight not long ago, his wife came by and cried about how she thinks that the only way my son will be back to himself is if they moved back to Chico. This breaks my heart. I love my son very much and would like him to stay here and see my grandsons grow up. I also know that his wife is really happy to be here and the boys are getting the best education they could. But to put it as my husband says, my son has pretty much turned into a drone and I know this is really hurting the family.
Is there any chance my son will eventually learn to be happier here? Is there anything we can do to help? Or is moving back to Chico the only way he’ll be happy again?
Wow. Just goes to show you that money, success, and stuff (in singular forms, together) aren't all they are cracked up to be.
I don't think it's California per se, it's his life in Chico that he misses. I'll tell you my story.
I grew up in Riverside, moved out to the high desert, met my (now) wife, and convinced her to move to Denver, CO with me. After a few months, I got a great job, and we both loved Colorado to pieces.
Everything was going along great for a couple of years, and I was offered a transfer to Spokane, WA. My wife was all for it, but I was a little hesitant, but I accepted, and we moved. I ended up being ecstatic in Spokane, I freakin' loved it, but my wife hated it, and asked to move back to CO almost daily. She even threatened to go back to CA, without me.
Not too long later, I had to move back to Denver to keep my job. I was devastated, I cried for days, and tried to find any way to stay in Spokane, but to no avail. My wife was ecstatic about moving back to Denver, but I was an emotional mess. We drove to Denver with a few of our things, got set up in our apartment, and I went back to Spokane for a week to bring back our big load of stuff. She immediately settled back into her Denver life, while I was up in Spokane packing (and ).
We've been back in Denver for about six months now. I still miss Spokane (like your son seems to miss Chico), but our financial life is better here in Denver. I'm dealing with it even though I'm not 100% happy about where I am. It doesn't have to be permanent, he can go back to Chico someday, can't he? That's the way I look at it, though I may be in Denver for the foreseeable future, there's no stopping me from going back to Spokane someday (the wife now says it wasn't so bad, and she'd go back).
I make about 66% more money here in Denver, but it doesn't make me any happier. I'd give up that money to have the better life (more time for family, hobbies, less stress) I had in Spokane.
The best he can do is accept that he's in Las Vegas right now, and leave the door open for returning to Chico at his first chance. That's what's keeping me going.
Why did he move to Las Vegas in the first place? Was he persuaded to do so? Maybe your son is being resentment towards someone or something for making the move to Las Vegas from Chico?
Your son is making serious cash in Vegas. People don't make that much money working easy, low-stress jobs/hours. Perhaps that is what is really getting to him as well. Sure money is great and all, but when you are stressed out and working very hard to earn it, it isn't so great.
In general I think it's all about your own, individual comfort zone. That can be related to where you are, who you're with, what your work is or any number of other variables.
Three and a half years before my originally planned retirement date I took a major promotion with the bottom line in mind. It made a difference in my final retirement compensation and I thought it was the right thing to do. Although I could easily handle the new job, per se, there were people I ended up loathing and I really missed what I had been doing before even though is was for less money.
Unfortunately, or maybe not, there was no going back so rather than continue in an environment in which I was not happy, I retired after a year and have never looked back. No amount of compensation is worth stressing out over or being unhappy!
Along with retirement we also moved to another state which we find infinitely more pleasant for us and a better fit than California has become over the years, and we're both natives.
For the OP, don't fault your son for following his heart. For him to do otherwise would be a huge mistake and he will only become more and more resentful of you and everyone else involved. Rarely is the money a true mark of success, but happiness and contentment are!
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 02-25-2010 at 08:12 AM..
I think the OP needs to be careful that this is about her sons happiness and not hers. As a grandfather and greatgrandfather I can relate to the OP's desire to see the young ones grow up.But it does appear that the OP may be looking at this from a position of what she wants to happen. Not what is best for the mental health of her son. Really tough situation for all concerned. Good luck!
My son and his family just moved to Las Vegas from Chico, California. It took me and his wife a lot of efforts to get them move here. My son is an engineer and he used to get paid just over 60K a year when he was working in Chico. His wife work part time as a veterinarian assistant. They have a boy together and his wife have a 7 years old from pervious relationship.
They finally moved here in September. My son got a job that pays him salary of 200K a year plus bonus. Now his wife is able to stay home as a house wife and the oldest boy is attending private school. His wife also finally got a SUV she has really wanted for a long time. Everybody seems much happier in general.
But my son have never seems happy at all. In fact his oldest son once told my husband that my son never smiled any more which is true when I think about it. My son also seems very cold and distant from every body and pretty much stay at work as much as possible, and whenever he’s home, he’d just sleep or lock himself in the office most of the time which is very uncharacteristic of him.
A couple of months ago, he starts to go up to Chico for the weekend once every month.
This weekend we tried to celebrate his birthday. We tried to take him to the strip for dinner. Before the food even came, he breaks down and says he cannot live here any more and left.
I know in Chico, he has a lot of friends and is very well known by many people. He also was almost always up to something and always doing something on his off day. He used to take his family out on a very regular base and seems much happier. So we tried to get him involved into something but nothing seems worked out.
Tonight not long ago, his wife came by and cried about how she thinks that the only way my son will be back to himself is if they moved back to Chico. This breaks my heart. I love my son very much and would like him to stay here and see my grandsons grow up. I also know that his wife is really happy to be here and the boys are getting the best education they could. But to put it as my husband says, my son has pretty much turned into a drone and I know this is really hurting the family.
Is there any chance my son will eventually learn to be happier here? Is there anything we can do to help? Or is moving back to Chico the only way he’ll be happy again?
This is, indeed, a sad situation. I agree with other posters, that no amount of money can make someone happy. It's relationships and self-worth that make someone happy or unhappy.
Why did you and his wife put in "a lot of efforts" to get him to move to LV? Seems like you may have wanted it to have the grandkids nearby, not because you were convinced that your son would thrive there after leaving an environment that he loved. Lots of cash, private schools and fancy houses will never add up to happiness for him if he is constantly stressed about his job and missing terribly his life before the move. Were he and his wife close and happy in Chico? Or does it seem she is more interested in living the high life on his big salary? Where are everyone's priorities?
I'm not saying it's necessarily about money, but that just comes to mind.
Also, IMHO, your son needs some professional counseling. It seems as though his grief over the move is beyond normal, and that he would benefit from some therapy to help him figure things out and deal with it. And perhaps some joint counseling with his wife, to see if their priorities match and, if not, how they can live with that.
We put a lot of efforts in getting him to move here because for most of his life after he graduated from high school, he has been something of a nomad. He didn’t settle down until he was in Chico and have been living there for six years before they moved down here.
We thought since he’s well known by people in his area, he’d love the opportunities to meet more new people here. Also he’s very involved in tons of actives in Chico, he have a group of friends that he’d go mountain biking, biking, snowmobile, ATV, kayak, and other things with. He also often take his family out to swim at one of many swimming spots, to tube down the river, snow tubing, and other things.
They also have a couple friends that they’d go out to restaurants with every weekend. They and their friends also host a BBQ and invite eachother over very often.
He was very involved with the community and would take his family to almost every community event such as farmer market, any show that may be happening, and other events.
So we thought that he can find most of those things here. His wife enjoys living in Chico, but she wants something new in life. She has been so thrilled about everything that Las Vegas has to offers. She says she does miss a couple of things in Chico, but love living in Las Vegas. She loves the culture, all night life, high paced life style, how good the educations are, exposure to various cultures, and everything. She also says that she really believe this is a great place to raise a family in.
She has tried to take him to clubs, shows, upscale restaurants, talk him into buy his dream car instead of driving a jeep which is the only vehicle he drove his whole life, got him into actives, and other things. He find the people to be very fake and cold, hate being in club, have no desire to drive anything beside jeep, and doesn’t seems to clicks with anyone over here.
We’re getting to the point where we feel like there’s nothing that will ever make him feel at home here and it is really breaking our heart. We wants him to be happy but it just seems like he cannot be happy here for some reason which we cannot figure out why.
Concur with PJ8. Your son needs a therapist who can help him sort out his choices. And he needs this ASAP.
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