Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Is there anyone else out there that is or was the caregiver for one of their parents with Alzheimer's disease?
I am currently taking care of my mother. We discovered that it was not just her age a little over a year ago. We had to move her in with us about 3 mos. ago. She seems to be progressing so quickly and it scares me at times. I have a brother and a sister, but they live out of state and to be honest, her and I were always closer. I guess because I had lived beside her for many years. I made the choice to move her in, but now I need advice on how to deal and not go crazy myself in the process.
If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Plus it would be nice to chat with someone who knows what I and she is going through. They have groups here that you can go to, but I can't go anywhere without her. So I am reaching out here. Thanks in advance!
i did, and it was hard. You need to have a great doctor, he might be able to have medicare sent a nurse or aide to help with baths etc., you need to have a durable poa, she needs a will. with this illness you might need to seek advise from an elder care attorney. You yourself need to get out of the house. If there is a day care in your area that may be good for you to place her in. there is a web site i found elderlaw.com they have some good information on it. You also if she is getting bad start to research nursing homes because she will forget how to walk etc., my siblings had no clue whatso ever , and did not like the fact that she needed to go to a nursing home. They in the end forget how to eat etc. my mother also would pace the floor etc., and tie up the silverware. etc. It was real scary since I was the only one at home and worked. She went to day care then, however she was at the point then where they would not keep her, since she just slept.
Just make a list, and start with the doctor, that be sure all the legal stuff is in place.
i did, and it was hard. You need to have a great doctor, he might be able to have medicare sent a nurse or aide to help with baths etc., you need to have a durable poa, she needs a will. with this illness you might need to seek advise from an elder care attorney.
All of the above has been taken care of over a year ago and before we had her diagnosed we got her long term care insurance. So we are good. Thanks for checking.
You yourself need to get out of the house. If there is a day care in your area that may be good for you to place her in. there is a web site i found elderlaw.com they have some good information on it. You also if she is getting bad start to research nursing homes because she will forget how to walk etc., my siblings had no clue whatso ever , and did not like the fact that she needed to go to a nursing home. They in the end forget how to eat etc. my mother also would pace the floor etc., and tie up the silverware. etc. It was real scary since I was the only one at home and worked. She went to day care then, however she was at the point then where they would not keep her, since she just slept.
Just make a list, and start with the doctor, that be sure all the legal stuff is in place.
Sorry you had to go through this also. But bless you for doing it. Not many children will put their lives on hold for their parents.
Sorry you had to go through this also. But bless you for doing it. Not many children will put their lives on hold for their parents.
Thank you for the information it is appreciated.
hi, if you have long term insurance, that is great. If you have a policy with some house care, they should be also able to provide you with some help.
I have a single friend, who had long term insurance, she now is in assisted living, however she may go back to her place, when she can get it fixed so she can manage to live there and be safe. There are lots of places you can get help, you need to dig for the information.
The doll idea is great. I have also seen this done in group homes for Alzheimers patients.
Is your mom on Cognex or Aricept? I can't swear they work but the medical profession claims they do. My father was on both at one time or another. Sleeping meds are dicey at best. Problem is they get loopy and get up anyway. Then they fall. At various times we tried a few things, ambien, risperdal, and finally when he got really bad, haldol. 2 things that did seem to make a difference, an aspirin every day and multivitamins. Anti- depressants didn't seem to do much for my father. And after all, anyone who knew they were going downhill fast and had Alzheimers should be depressed. Show me the antidepressant that can make this person happy and you have a goldmine! My father did complain of headaches occasionally. We usually gave him tylenol. We would ask him if his headache went away and he would say yes but who knows.
I know you are going to think this is horrible, and it is. Once your mom is in diapers, investigate a net bed. It seems mean but that's what she will most likely have in a home. It's made for Alzheimers patients so they can't get out of bed. It's the equivalent of an adult playpen. It just keeps them in bed without using restraints. I thought my father would go nuts when he was put into this contraption but he didn't. It was like his getting up over and over again was some kind of compulsion, and on some level, he was relieved to not 'have' to repeat the same behavior over and over.
It is time for you to take time off! Your sister who is so busy. Next time you talk just set it up that she will have mom every other weekend starting now! If you don't do something like this, your sister will see how miserable you are and move to another state! This way, she knows in advance and can plan her life accordingly. And I do hope you are serious about the adult daycare. It's not cheap but be sure to see if her insurance will pay. If her insurance pays, send her! It is good for her to see others her age and get some outside stimulation. It's even better for you to escape for a while.
I can honestly say when my father died, I felt nothing but relief. I knew my father had wanted to die for a long time. I was so glad it was over.
hi, I felt the same way when my mother died, relief. she wanted to die since my father did. It was way harder on me watching her. i had 5 siblings, and we all had a meeting with the vna to ask if one week-end a month one of them would take her to their home so I could recoup, the answer was no-way, the week-end is our time. Finally, I got so fed-up, I told the VNA, why is this all my job, working full-time also. I then told them I was taking a vacation for 11 days, a cruise, and would not be around. One sister, then took her to her house, and could not wait til I returned, then she forgot how to eat, walk, etc. then she needed to be placed into the nursing home.
oh, the dentures, she also had to have them out. my siblings were so mad at me, they were renting a hospital bed, that I called the company to take it back. they wanted to them buy it? anyway she only lasted 9 months in the nursing home. Oh, even when the nurse came to the house, and called her doctor, she told him she needed to go to the hospital, then be admited to the nursing home, he asked why, the n.h. because, how could one person turn her over every 2 hours, lift her, she was a dead weight? oh, and expect to be bright eyed and cheery at work?
hi, I felt the same way when my mother died, relief. she wanted to die since my father did. It was way harder on me watching her. i had 5 siblings, and we all had a meeting with the vna to ask if one week-end a month one of them would take her to their home so I could recoup, the answer was no-way, the week-end is our time. Finally, I got so fed-up, I told the VNA, why is this all my job, working full-time also. I then told them I was taking a vacation for 11 days, a cruise, and would not be around. One sister, then took her to her house, and could not wait til I returned, then she forgot how to eat, walk, etc. then she needed to be placed into the nursing home.
oh, the dentures, she also had to have them out. my siblings were so mad at me, they were renting a hospital bed, that I called the company to take it back. they wanted to them buy it? anyway she only lasted 9 months in the nursing home. Oh, even when the nurse came to the house, and called her doctor, she told him she needed to go to the hospital, then be admited to the nursing home, he asked why, the n.h. because, how could one person turn her over every 2 hours, lift her, she was a dead weight? oh, and expect to be bright eyed and cheery at work?
You gotta love those sibs. And relatives in general. No one was critical when Dad was alive but after he died I was told I didn't do enough to keep him alive. Yes, we had a DNR. And we meant every word of it. I knew Dad didn't want to live like that. I think the only reason they weren't critical when he was alive was because they knew I would be quite happy to share his care.
This experience is one that shows us the character of our relatives. And btw, when the poor affected individual dies, all the relatives will show up to collect 'their share' of whatever is left. That's OK. I can sleep at night and my conscience is clear.
You gotta love those sibs. And relatives in general. No one was critical when Dad was alive but after he died I was told I didn't do enough to keep him alive. Yes, we had a DNR. And we meant every word of it. I knew Dad didn't want to live like that. I think the only reason they weren't critical when he was alive was because they knew I would be quite happy to share his care.
This experience is one that shows us the character of our relatives. And btw, when the poor affected individual dies, all the relatives will show up to collect 'their share' of whatever is left. That's OK. I can sleep at night and my conscience is clear.
My father-in-law has Alzheimer's, and we help him alot. My parents are both elderly (almost 80). My mom has had cancer, she's going blind, she has a huge hernia (from her colostomy surgery), high blood pressure, etc. My Dad is in better physical health but his mental health is very poor. It is so hard to try and look after one's aging parents. You feel like your kids have just grown up and then.....I will never have any guilt because we have spent lots of time with all these folks, but it is so tiring. I am so angry with my sister (who is very well off, childless, etc., and my brother is married but childless also). My siblings have taken absolutely no responsibility in helping my parents at all. And like you said they're just waiting for their share. When my Mom almost died two years ago from cancer I asked my sister to come home to see my Mom (she gets 8 wks holiday a year, plus lots of compassionate leave if she needs it), and sis told me she would only come home if my Mom died. My brother (6 weeks holidays every year lives in the same community--doesn't share Christmas, birthdays, etc).
I can relate already with the sibling problems. My brother called me today, we haven't heard from him in 3 years. He is planning to come this weekend to assess our mother's home. He also stated that he plans to come to my home to see Mom on Sunday. It shocked him when I said I have plans that I won't break but that he is welcome to come Saturday and watch her while I do some work here.
We haven't completed her room we are adding on to our home so therefore her home remains the same. No time to go get everything for working here. So naturally I'm concerned that he is going shopping!
My sister called today also, haven't had a phone call from her in months and they have an 800 line in their home, but we do send each other e-mails (mainly jokes). She asked if our brother called me and that they all are going to Mom's to start cleaning the yard and such.
It seems they are both in a huge hurry to sell her home. Although my sister and I have discussed this, we decided to wait until her room here was done so that I wouldn't have to use a storage place. But she was also suppose to come help do some of the work and watch Mom once a month to give me a break. I guess $h1+ happens!! Yeah, right!
Neither of these two people have bothered to pick her up and take her off my hands for an entire day. My sister has been here twice in the past 4 months. The first time she brought her two grandchildren (both at the age where they touch every thing) their mother (my niece) and her husband that none of us are comfortable around including our Mom. The second time she took her long enough to watch a movie at the theater (3 hours). And I know she knows how hard it is because Mom stayed with her for a month prior to moving in with me. She was to stay there until the room was complete, but my mother would cry on the phone and ask me when I was coming to get her. So we moved our son into the living room and put her in his bedroom. But with her here, it has slowed things down to a crawl on completing her room, we are doing the work ourselves.
We finally have the sheetrock up and I'm working on getting it cleaned to paint. Once the painting is done, we are going to hire someone to do the floors. I told my husband that there is no way I can do that and watch her. It's going to be interesting enough with me painting!
Well I can't wait to see what the outcome will be from this visit. I don't dare go to Mom's house myself because I can't bear to take her back over there. She gets depressed just thinking about it. But like what the two of you said, I can sleep at night because I know who is doing the right thing!
I can relate already with the sibling problems. My brother called me today, we haven't heard from him in 3 years. He is planning to come this weekend to assess our mother's home. He also stated that he plans to come to my home to see Mom on Sunday. It shocked him when I said I have plans that I won't break but that he is welcome to come Saturday and watch her while I do some work here.
We haven't completed her room we are adding on to our home so therefore her home remains the same. No time to go get everything for working here. So naturally I'm concerned that he is going shopping!
My sister called today also, haven't had a phone call from her in months and they have an 800 line in their home, but we do send each other e-mails (mainly jokes). She asked if our brother called me and that they all are going to Mom's to start cleaning the yard and such.
It seems they are both in a huge hurry to sell her home. Although my sister and I have discussed this, we decided to wait until her room here was done so that I wouldn't have to use a storage place. But she was also suppose to come help do some of the work and watch Mom once a month to give me a break. I guess $h1+ happens!! Yeah, right!
Neither of these two people have bothered to pick her up and take her off my hands for an entire day. My sister has been here twice in the past 4 months. The first time she brought her two grandchildren (both at the age where they touch every thing) their mother (my niece) and her husband that none of us are comfortable around including our Mom. The second time she took her long enough to watch a movie at the theater (3 hours). And I know she knows how hard it is because Mom stayed with her for a month prior to moving in with me. She was to stay there until the room was complete, but my mother would cry on the phone and ask me when I was coming to get her. So we moved our son into the living room and put her in his bedroom. But with her here, it has slowed things down to a crawl on completing her room, we are doing the work ourselves.
We finally have the sheetrock up and I'm working on getting it cleaned to paint. Once the painting is done, we are going to hire someone to do the floors. I told my husband that there is no way I can do that and watch her. It's going to be interesting enough with me painting!
Well I can't wait to see what the outcome will be from this visit. I don't dare go to Mom's house myself because I can't bear to take her back over there. She gets depressed just thinking about it. But like what the two of you said, I can sleep at night because I know who is doing the right thing!
Well, at least they are willing to work on something. Let them manage getting your mom's home ready to sell. Your plate is full anyway. Let them pay for it too.
I hope you make good progress on your mom's room and get the floor done. It will be easier when everyone has their own space.
Well, at least they are willing to work on something. Let them manage getting your mom's home ready to sell. Your plate is full anyway. Let them pay for it too.
I hope you make good progress on your mom's room and get the floor done. It will be easier when everyone has their own space.
I definately plan on letting them clean the place up since neither of them have time to relieve me. But they won't be paying for it themselves except for with time and strength. Any monetary issues will be paid for out of Mom's account.
I appreciate the support on completing her room. I'm not as young as I use to be so it takes me longer. But I am one of those that if I do it myself and it gets messed up, I can't complain! If I pay someone, it better be perfect. I really do hate that about myself.
Enough of my imperfections though, I posted just to say: Thank you, YellowSnow!
I definately plan on letting them clean the place up since neither of them have time to relieve me. But they won't be paying for it themselves except for with time and strength. Any monetary issues will be paid for out of Mom's account.
I appreciate the support on completing her room. I'm not as young as I use to be so it takes me longer. But I am one of those that if I do it myself and it gets messed up, I can't complain! If I pay someone, it better be perfect. I really do hate that about myself.
Enough of my imperfections though, I posted just to say: Thank you, YellowSnow!
You are certainly welcome and I hope you are making good progress!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
