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The doll idea is great. I have also seen this done in group homes for Alzheimers patients.
Is your mom on Cognex or Aricept? I can't swear they work but the medical profession claims they do. My father was on both at one time or another. Sleeping meds are dicey at best. Problem is they get loopy and get up anyway. Then they fall. At various times we tried a few things, ambien, risperdal, and finally when he got really bad, haldol. 2 things that did seem to make a difference, an aspirin every day and multivitamins. Anti- depressants didn't seem to do much for my father. And after all, anyone who knew they were going downhill fast and had Alzheimers should be depressed. Show me the antidepressant that can make this person happy and you have a goldmine! My father did complain of headaches occasionally. We usually gave him tylenol. We would ask him if his headache went away and he would say yes but who knows.
I know you are going to think this is horrible, and it is. Once your mom is in diapers, investigate a net bed. It seems mean but that's what she will most likely have in a home. It's made for Alzheimers patients so they can't get out of bed. It's the equivalent of an adult playpen. It just keeps them in bed without using restraints. I thought my father would go nuts when he was put into this contraption but he didn't. It was like his getting up over and over again was some kind of compulsion, and on some level, he was relieved to not 'have' to repeat the same behavior over and over.
It is time for you to take time off! Your sister who is so busy. Next time you talk just set it up that she will have mom every other weekend starting now! If you don't do something like this, your sister will see how miserable you are and move to another state! This way, she knows in advance and can plan her life accordingly. And I do hope you are serious about the adult daycare. It's not cheap but be sure to see if her insurance will pay. If her insurance pays, send her! It is good for her to see others her age and get some outside stimulation. It's even better for you to escape for a while.
I can honestly say when my father died, I felt nothing but relief. I knew my father had wanted to die for a long time. I was so glad it was over.
As far as the doll thing, I just bought one and left it laying around. I didn't hand it to her, she eventually gravitated to it. Then wouldn't let it go! She would sit and watch tv with that doll on her lap, talk to it, etc...
The depression thing is a touchy situation. The meds only helped a little bit, as you have found out. What I found to really help was dressing her in bright colors, keeping the room well lit, keeping upbeat programs on tv. I never watched the news while she was in the room. That seemed to scare the hell out of her to the point that she would actually think that the things were happening to her. What was really bad was that my Mom was going through that point right when the whole 9/11 thing happened. Trying to find ANYTHING on tv that wasn't related to that was VERY difficult!
There would be mornings that my Mom would get up at 3am, then there were other mornings that I actually had to wake her up or she would have slept all day.
Everything is pretty much a trial and error thing. It's tough, but you can do it!
When my Mom became almost bedridden, Hospice had a hospital bed brought into my home. At night we would put the sides of the bed up and there was no way she could get out. They also brought in a lift that we could use to get her from the bed to her wheelchair. VERY HELPFUL!! During the last week, they brought in the morphine drops and the other stuff...I can't remember what it was called....to stop the rattling in her breathing.
Normally, Hospice doesn't step in until there's at least 6 months to live. We had them for 8 months. Go on the advice of the doctor. Hospice does work closely with the patients' doctor.
Yellowsnow~
I totally understand what you mean about feeling nothing but relief. People thought I was crazy, but when my Mom died and I called Hospice, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hated seeing my Mom like that. I was probably more relieved for her that it was finally over. After taking care of the funeral arrangements the next day, I think I had the best nights sleep I had had in years.
Last edited by Lauri_25ny; 04-16-2007 at 02:40 PM..
Reason: added a thought
She takes Razadyne and Namenda for the dementia and Wellbutrin for the depression. I haven't asked about anything else because I don't really believe in taking medications. If it gets harder on us or worse, then I will but right now I have to medicate her at night as it is so that she won't get sick.
I can't swear they work but the medical profession claims they do. I know what you mean. She seems to get worse about 20 minutes after I medicate her and then she goes to bed.
Sleeping meds are dicey at best. Problem is they get loopy and get up anyway. Then they fall. At various times we tried a few things, ambien, risperdal, and finally when he got really bad, haldol. Thanks for the heads up on this.
2 things that did seem to make a difference, an aspirin every day and multivitamins. This I started day one.
Anti- depressants didn't seem to do much for my father. It doesn't stop the realization but it has stopped her from crying all day.
My father did complain of headaches occasionally. We usually gave him tylenol. We would ask him if his headache went away and he would say yes but who knows. This is one of the things that makes it so sad to me.
I know you are going to think this is horrible, and it is. No I don't think it is horrible. I know the reason any of us decide to take care of our parents is to ensure that they are safe and loved.
Once your mom is in diapers, investigate a net bed. It seems mean but that's what she will most likely have in a home. It's made for Alzheimers patients so they can't get out of bed. It's the equivalent of an adult playpen. It just keeps them in bed without using restraints. I thought my father would go nuts when he was put into this contraption but he didn't. It was like his getting up over and over again was some kind of compulsion, and on some level, he was relieved to not 'have' to repeat the same behavior over and over. Now you may think I am horrible. I am already putting diapers on her at night as a precaution. This bed sounds wonderful. She gets up so many times at night that none of us, even her, are rested. Would it be cruel to check into this now? I was thinking sleeping pills because she is so drained every day.
I have thought about this a lot, you know with it being hereditary, and I am talking with my children now to help them to know what to do should I end up this way. I totally understand the relief upon death. I know if I had it I would much rather die and I watched my father die with liver cancer. No loving human wants to see anyone in pain.
Thank you so much for the information. I am sure it can be hard to talk about due to memories and I don't take anyone's help for granted. I have copied all of these post and saved in document form for me to refer to at a later date as needed.
You are very welcome! And I would be checking into the bed and sleeping meds. If she's not sleeping and you're not sleeping, that's a recipe for disaster!
oh sweetie, God be with you.. my mom is in a nursing home,she just got too much for my dad to handle even with my help and my sister ( she a nurse) help... this is the most horribe thing, ever,,.. i explain it to people like this....picture a big, beautiful chandalier with tons of lights, alzheimers is one light going out ,then another, then another...
see, the president of the usa comes to our house for dinner on sundays..( according to my mom) now, my dad would try and explain to her how this could not be, i finally told him, next time the pres is coming for dinner, tell her ''right on!! tell him i said hello!! whatcha having for dinner?''
and when she talks about the guy that did the thing with the thing, you just reply to her, 'oh yeah, i remember him!!'' it doesnt matter that you have no clue whats shes saying, it makes her happy that someone is listning...
God be with you, hope this helps
my mom is in a nursing home,she just got too much for my dad to handle even with my help and my sister
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I to will remember all that have to deal with this horrible disease. And we can just pray that they will find a cure soon.
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I appreciate you more than you can know. 
All of your post have made me feel so much better. Thank you again.
