Caregiver for parent with Alzheimer's disease (Florida, child, facility, dementia)

[burdell]

Originally Posted by simplyaged

My next issue is what to have her do to occupy her time while I do household chores. I know some of you say let her help, but when I do she forgets what she is doing or how and she becomes emotional causing more problems for me. But it is starting to drive me crazy that she has to be right up under me 99.8% of the time. Just like a 2 yr old she even follows me into the restroom from time to time. I can't figure out what she can handle mentally to take up her time and make her feel useful. She makes her bed every day, but that doesn't take her long. TV doesn't last long. She loves yard work for about the first 10 min. then she gives out. Please throw some suggestions my way on how to deal with this.

Enough of my novel and please bare with me awhile longer while I take the time to tell you all how much you are appreciated. The response has been enormous. You hear on TV how many are caring for their parents, but I was still blown away at the amount there is. I am so blessed to have a chance to receive your knowledge but I am also sadden that we all have or are now going through this. And what really terrifies me is that I had also heard that it is genetic. I told my children to brace themselves and take note of how our lives are now. That should they feel it is too much for them to bear I would not blame them. AGAIN Bless you all and THANK YOU for the support!

I wasn't caregiver for my Dad who was in an assisted living facility but a quick suggestion, you might try music from your Mom's era, it had a very calming effect on my Dad and also gave him some memory recall of that era,

And I completely understand the terror of the genetic issue.

[simplyaged]

Thank you, Burdell. I don't know why, but I hadn't even thought about music. I just thought that the TV would occupy like it did my children when they were young. You know the movement more so than the sound.

Thanks again!

[burdell]

Originally Posted by simplyaged

Thank you, Burdell. I don't know why, but I hadn't even thought about music. I just thought that the TV would occupy like it did my children when they were young. You know the movement more so than the sound.

Thanks again!

Please let me know how it works out, I saw good effects with my Dad and also a friend's father.

I'm curious if you Mom has developed a sweet tooth? I noticed this with my Dad, something he never had before his illness.

I don't know if it will help but one thing I tried to keep in mind when it became obvious my Dad was no longer with us other than physically was I maintained the hope that he might very well be off somewhere having a good time, he just couldn't let us know.

[yellowsnow]

Music is a great idea. My dad loved the big bands and some of those songs he could sing even though he couldn't speak at all. He remembered the words too.

One of the reasons so many develop a sweet tooth is because the first thing to go is sense of smell. They tested my dad by putting some smelling salts under his nose. Sweet doesn't depend on smell at all. A lot of other flavors do.

I too am terrified of the genetic thing. Every time I can't think of a word, I wonder if this is the beginning of the end for me.

[burdell]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

Music is a great idea. My dad loved the big bands and some of those songs he could sing even though he couldn't speak at all. He remembered the words too.

One of the reasons so many develop a sweet tooth is because the first thing to go is sense of smell. They tested my dad by putting some smelling salts under his nose. Sweet doesn't depend on smell at all. A lot of other flavors do.

I too am terrified of the genetic thing. Every time I can't think of a word, I wonder if this is the beginning of the end for me.

Very interesting about the sweet tooth, I never heard that.

It's a very strange, horrible disease. For a while my Dad couldn't remember 5 minutes ago but recalled days in the '20s and '30s like they were yesterday. Exactly like you say with music, knew it all. At least it made both of us a lttle happier.

[simplyaged]

Originally Posted by burdell

Very interesting about the sweet tooth, I never heard that.

It's a very strange, horrible disease. For a while my Dad couldn't remember 5 minutes ago but recalled days in the '20s and '30s like they were yesterday. Exactly like you say with music, knew it all. At least it made both of us a lttle happier.

That is a funny thing about the sweet tooth. My Mom is so bad about it that no matter where we go (grocery store, someone's house) she is trying to steal any candy she sees. I have to keep it hidden to keep her from eating too much. I thought it was just because she has become so child like.

I also find myself getting angry with her when she tries to discipline our son who is 14. She also makes comments alot about how fat he is. For some reason she will always focus on being mean towards him. And although he knows she is ill, his feelings get hurt pretty regular. He remembers how she was and it's hard for him to accept that she doesn't realize what she is saying. She never does this in front of me and I'm hoping she will so I can tell her it is not acceptable. Did any of you notice your parent picking one person to be cruel to?

My Dad passed away 3 days after I found out I was pregnant with our son, so he has been gone for 15 yrs. She is now saying every day that she needs her a man. I ask her "What for?" and she will say she doesn't know. So then I'll ask if it is for companionship or whoopie. She giggles like a teenager and says "Well if it happens, it happens." and giggles again. Was this an issue for any of you? Do I need to worry that she may get too frisky with someone?

Thanks for listening and helping.

[yellowsnow]

I wouldn't worry too much about the frisky thing. It's not likely she will have access to many targets....if you know what I mean. Sounds like she looks in the mirror today and sees herself as she was when she was young. This too is probably temporary.

I hope your son does understand she is ill. I'm sure her comments are bothering him. Teens are so self conscious anyway. She probably picks on him because she still sees him as the child and herself as the responsible adult. She probably doesn't see herself as the responsible adult compared to others in the family. And yes, my dad always had favorites. One day he would love me and the next day I was ruining his life and a worthless child! There was no rhyme or reason to it; it was his reality.

[burdell]

Originally Posted by simplyaged

: .

I also find myself getting angry with her when she tries to discipline our son who is 14. She also makes comments alot about how fat he is. For some reason she will always focus on being mean towards him. And although he knows she is ill, his feelings get hurt pretty regular. He remembers how she was and it's hard for him to accept that she doesn't realize what she is saying. She never does this in front of me and I'm hoping she will so I can tell her it is not acceptable. Did any of you notice your parent picking one person to be cruel to?

For a while my Dad was in the same facility as my Mom who had Parknson's. At times he would get a bit hostile, not too severe but definitely out of character. I know it's difficult, especially for someone as young as your son, but you learn that it's the disease and not your Mom.

Has she been put on Aricept? It seemed to have minimal effectivesness with my Dad and sadly seems not too much else available, at least 6 years ago when I lost my Dad.

Please feel free to ask or PM me if there's anything I might be able to answer for you, and don't forget that as well as your Mom's caregiver you're also your own.

[skytrekker]

About 4 years ago when my mom turned 80- I begin to see some differences.
At first I like many of us was in denial- my dad had passed away 6 months before, and I attributed it to that trauma.

By the summer and autumn of 2003- more changes. I decided in late 2003, she had to live with me, She came here just before Christmas 2003. Her new MD a geriatric specialist diagnosed her with Alzheimer's in March 2004.

This disease is progressive- But it affects people differently and at different rates of decline. Some progress fast other slowly. My mother now has moderate to severe dementia. She needs a great amount of supervision.

I have to bathe her, dress her and assist her with walking to a good degree.
Her short term memory is very poor- long term is slightly better.

The progression of this disease in her is about average- at 84 she still smiles, enjoys my company, eats well, and enjoys a glass of wine.
We still go shopping- and she can get around fairly well. But this disease is horrific.

[simplyaged]

Originally Posted by yellowsnow

I wouldn't worry too much about the frisky thing. It's not likely she will have access to many targets....if you know what I mean. Sounds like she looks in the mirror today and sees herself as she was when she was young. This too is probably temporary.

I hope your son does understand she is ill. I'm sure her comments are bothering him. Teens are so self conscious anyway. She probably picks on him because she still sees him as the child and herself as the responsible adult. She probably doesn't see herself as the responsible adult compared to others in the family. And yes, my dad always had favorites. One day he would love me and the next day I was ruining his life and a worthless child! There was no rhyme or reason to it; it was his reality.

What concerns me as far as the frisky is dropping her off at an adult day care. I'm actually more nervous about someone taking advantage. And you are right, she thinks she is younger than what she is. She constantly ask me who is older her or I.

My son does understand that she is ill, but you know how when it is a good moment and they seem to come back to you for a short period. That tends to throw him off. But it's not like that happens often anymore.

She complains about me from time to time with my in-laws. Sometimes it's quite funny what she complains about. Like when I catch her trying to take a bag of candy from the store. I will explain to her that it isn't free and I already have some at home. She will tell stuff like: that lady won't ever let me have candy, she is always mean to me. Thank God that they know better.