North shore suburbs that are LGBT friendly (Chicago, Evanston: home, buyers)

[BrianRF]

Thanks- that's kind of what I was assuming too.

Originally Posted by gelert

Forget about Kenilworth/Winnetka - just too conservative IMO, even if well-meaning as you say.

[chet everett]

Originally Posted by gelert

Forget about Kenilworth/Winnetka - just too conservative IMO, even if well-meaning as you say.

Unless you have tapped into a source of information far broader than what I've experienced I call BUNK -- the fact is most really "hard core" conservatives have long vanished from Illinois and the North Shore is no exception. Folks like Joe Walsh were soundly defeated, there is much criticism of how "not conservative to the core" Mark Kirk has been. The most conservative types simply do not get much support in Illinois, financially or otherwise. There is simply no evidence that ANY North Shore towns are "too conservative".

The link I shared was about New Trier has good support for LGB students and COULD USE MORE for the Transexuals. If the towns are "too conservative" how would you reconcile that sort of sentiiment???

[BrianRF]

It's a good point, Chet. The only thing I'd say do that is that younger kids (i.e. New Trier students) tend to be more progressive than their parents... but you're right. Illinois Republicans are not conservative in the same way that say Alabama Republicans are conservative. We don't only want to live where people are and think like us; we just want to know we'll be treated the same and welcomed into the community the same as any other family would be. It is sometimes surprising where that doesn't happen when you think it would (which is the purpose of my question in the first place).

Originally Posted by chet everett

Unless you have tapped into a source of information far broader than what I've experienced I call BUNK -- the fact is most really "hard core" conservatives have long vanished from Illinois and the North Shore is no exception. Folks like Joe Walsh were soundly defeated, there is much criticism of how "not conservative to the core" Mark Kirk has been. The most conservative types simply do not get much support in Illinois, financially or otherwise. There is simply no evidence that ANY North Shore towns are "too conservative".

The link I shared was about New Trier has good support for LGB students and COULD USE MORE for the Transexuals. If the towns are "too conservative" how would you reconcile that sort of sentiiment???

[chet everett]

The well off families I know from North Shore are remarkably similar to the well off families in Lincoln Park or Hinsdale -- they support the SAME charitable causes that are known for fostering ACCEPTANCE, not some kind of "deep south" sort of isolation. Like I said, short of mowing the lawn in rhinestone studded A$$less chaps odds are your neighbors won't care about your sexual orientation...

[Lookout Kid]

Wealthier suburbs tend to have significant numbers of "stay-at-home moms" who get involved with the schools to a higher degree than most working moms do. Sure, you also have "stay-at-home dads", working dads, and working moms who also get involved where they can, but the raw numbers tend to favor the SAHM's. They linger at pick up and drop off, attend more meetings, form social groups around the schools, etc.

I bring this up because almost any suburb in 2015 has parents in different roles, often including gays and lesbians, but the stay-at-home moms are often the most visible social group, as they spend their weekdays in town and form the largest social component. So parents who don't fit in to this family type will always have to work a bit harder to form friendships and other social bonds within the suburb. It may be an even bigger challenge for gay/lesbian parents in an area without a "critical mass" of gay and lesbian parents, even though acceptance and bigotry may not be as much of an issue as it was in earlier years. I think it may even be a challenge in the liberal Evanstons and Oak Parks of the world, but perhaps not to the same degree.

[BrianRF]

This is exactly, exactly right. Thanks for the comment... I have definitely found this to be true. SAHMs aren't rude or anything but it is made clear that I, as one of two dads, am not part of their world.

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

Wealthier suburbs tend to have significant numbers of "stay-at-home moms" who get involved with the schools to a higher degree than most working moms do. Sure, you also have "stay-at-home dads", working dads, and working moms who also get involved where they can, but the raw numbers tend to favor the SAHM's. They linger at pick up and drop off, attend more meetings, form social groups around the schools, etc.

I bring this up because almost any suburb in 2015 has parents in different roles, often including gays and lesbians, but the stay-at-home moms are often the most visible social group, as they spend their weekdays in town and form the largest social component. So parents who don't fit in to this family type will always have to work a bit harder to form friendships and other social bonds within the suburb. It may be an even bigger challenge for gay/lesbian parents in an area without a "critical mass" of gay and lesbian parents, even though acceptance and bigotry may not be as much of an issue as it was in earlier years. I think it may even be a challenge in the liberal Evanstons and Oak Parks of the world, but perhaps not to the same degree.

[chet everett]

Again, my experience suggests that many stay-at-home moms LOVE to have the ear of a gay dad -- it is not just in a stereotypical "hair dresser" sort of friendship either. They truly do have gay relatives themselves and ask for advice on matters of weight, ranging for what can they do to make things easier for kids that may have differing sexual orientation to how to get the rest of family to better relate to a gay uncle / brother.

This is pretty common in high income areas.

Like I said, you will run into the "mean girls" that childishly want to exclude anyone that they perceive is "stealing their spot light" but that is often more about the fact that the new gay dad really is more stylish / popular than they were in their old "queen bee" dominance of the social buzz, and that is more about their insecurity than any broad based prejudice...

Similarly if gay dad is a better athlete / grill master / landscape maven than former "ultimate bro dad" that can upset the social order of things IF the new family does not play their hand as "just trying to help / fit in" vs "our way is better"... If you know how to get rid of quack grass and share the secret or can offer tips that turn a slice on the 6th hole dogleg into a reliable par you'll be golden. If you escew golf for Aussie rules scrums or decide that 100% native plants is better for the environment than any turfgrass at all that is another thing altogether. And that would be same if you were straight as John Wayne...

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by BrianRF

This is exactly, exactly right. Thanks for the comment... I have definitely found this to be true. SAHMs aren't rude or anything but it is made clear that I, as one of two dads, am not part of their world.

I don't think it's necessarily any intentional ill will, but I have heard the same comment from working moms and gay parents in multiple suburbs all over Chicagoland--from Oak Park and River Forest to Evanston to Naperville to Arlington Heights.

[chitownperson]

Originally Posted by BrianRF

in Oak Park who were excluded from the PTA because they were a two-mom family...

Really? Cause I know one of a "two-mom family" that is vice president of the PTA. Not sure which school you're referring to, but were they told outright that they were excluded due to their sexual orientation? From my experience talking to the multiple same sex couples with kids on my own block, their experiences differ great from your friends, and have never felt exclude in any capacity. Of course, there are homophobic people everywhere, but that kind of exclusion is uncommon in Oak Park, mostly due to the fact the people who are uncomfortable with diversity (in every sense of the word) generally tend to stay clear of Oak Park and go for more conservative suburbs… But don't take mine, or anyone else's, word for it. Visit different suburb, hand in hand with your partner, and get a feel for how you'll be treated. I had a friend that moved to Glen Ellyn with her family, and being a working mom, she found it hard enough to break into the SAHMs circle…

[BrianRF]

Yep. No ill will intended at all... but yes, the way you described it is exactly my experience too.

Chet, you seem hell-bent in diminishing the experience by saying things like "no one cares" and "moms like the ear of a gay dad." I'm assuming you're not gay, right? If not, then I would cool it with the "no one cares" and "get over it- there are mean people everywhere" line of inquiry since it's not helpful nor does it encompass everything I'm asking. Lookout Kid gets it.

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

I don't think it's necessarily any intentional ill will, but I have heard the same comment from working moms and gay parents in multiple suburbs all over Chicagoland--from Oak Park and River Forest to Evanston to Naperville to Arlington Heights.