Quote:
Originally Posted by Oakback
I would suspect if the mother does not believe it's a sin, then she will not feel any guilt.
If she believes it's a sin, then she'd be guilty.
I can't judge her. It's between her and God.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy
counseled women who have had abortions?
I can tell you for a fact that not everyone automatically carries the "inner torment" which you speak of.
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June can honestly say that she has reread this thread numerous times. It is not only informative, but coincidental.
In two hours I am meeting with a very young woman who is in crisis. She is a single, unwed mother of two special needs children, a recovering drug addict, barely able to feed herself and the two children she has. She is utterly alone, and:
pregnant.
For the sake of this post, I will leave out both how she came to conceive this child, as well as June's personal feelings as regards abortion. What I find interesting is that given the nature of the work I do, my "personal feelings" about anything are rarely disclosed, or only if/when doing so is in the best interests of the person I am sitting with. As a rule, I rarely self disclose.
This girl has been seeing me for quite a while now. She is, by all accounts, one of life's "success stories" inasmuch as she has overcome odds that most would perhaps find unimaginable, if not downright unbelievable. She left home very young, lived on the streets, or rather, I should say, "survived." Barely. She has been in recovery from drug addiction for quite some time, and only recently was reunited with her two young children who had been previously removed by the state.
This girl is in crisis due to this unplanned pregnancy. She is scared to death and utterly conflicted in what to do. She knows she can barely manage with the two children she already has, both of whom she loves and cherishes. She hangs onto her recovery from drugs minute by minute. --And what has her most conflicted? This:
"June, I know I can't make it having this baby. But I can't do an abortion, either. It would be murder. It's a sin. I would go to hell."
This is not what anyone would even remotely think of as being a "religious" girl. She does not, (nor do I believe has ever) attended church. But she has internalized the morals, the principles, and the message that many have. What I initially found compelling is the disconnect between her life lived, and her conflict now...But I shouldn't have. It's her reality; it is our reality. It's life.
It is life as lived, as welll as within her.
No doubt she will sit before me again today and beg me to tell her what I think she should do. -Which just so happens to be the very thing I cannot and should not do. And I won't. She doesn't need me to tell her that a third child under the conditions and circumstances which she lives will (almost certainly) result in her relapsing. She doesn't need me to tell her that in relapsing, she will absolutely lose all three children, permenantly. She doesn't need me to tell her that there is a very high likelihood that that would result in her losing her life. Ending her life. No question about it. She's already stated it.
Abortion is a huge religious and moral dliemma.
She has already been to different places for "counselling" and "advice" as regards what her options are. She cannot decide. She is the definition of living turmoil, and angst. I believe her when she tells me that she knows that she won't make it with a third child in her life. She is barely making it now. I also believe her, and take her very, very seriously when she says she knows she will end up relapsing, losing the children, and as a result, end her life.
So what's a June to do?
June knows what to do, as she's been well trained to do so. But I cannot help but sit here and marvel at the angst she feels within her dilemma as regards her fear of going to hell; of committing that sin...Versus her having that third child. Which is high risk. Some would say too high of a risk, as it could potentially leave three siblings separated from one another, raised in different foster homes. When this unwed mother tells me that she knows she will end up dead, I believe her. So I sit here now, wondering: What is in the best interests of all involved? --And "all involved" extends far beyond her two existing children, her unborn child, and the walls of my office...
To those who feel that abortion is a sin, is murder, and that this girl would go to hell, I would ask you: What would you tell her? To those that feel it is a woman's right to choose, I would ask: What would you tell her? What do we make of this attitude, this belief, this feeling, this utter fear of "sin" "murder" and "hell" that could very well result in a decision that devastates the lives of others?
What is the true definition of
"life giving?"
I will support this girl in whatever decision she chooses. I have already told her that. I will not, however, endorse or support any aspects of potential suicide in someone. And no doubt, in her desperation, the crux of the matter is for her as it is for all of us:
How much loss can we, as human beings, realistically bear?
Take gentle care.
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