U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Current Events
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-04-2018, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Colorado
9,734 posts, read 6,273,073 times
Reputation: 17554

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I'd love to have this be a "believe in true love" story but realistically...he was in fact targeting the elderly before this...his previous girlfriend was 75. And these two met and married within three weeks. It isn't looking good from here.

And there is more to being upset about an inheritance than the actual money. From my experience - witnessing it, I mean - it is about the family feeling unloved and forsaken by the person, who shows this in a concrete, material way by grabbing some stud and leaving assets to him instead, but rarely, rarely is it just that.

It hurts A LOT to feel forsaken by someone who was supposed to *want* to take care of you, because that person preferred to get off for a few years and then just drop dead and be gone from you forever.
What about the old person's feelings, though?

When you spent your life "taking care" of other people, then as recent generations tend to do, they move on into their own busy, important lives, and have no interest in taking any care of you in your old age... Why in heck should they feel entitled to literally everything you have to give, giving nothing in return, for the entire duration of your lifespan, simply because you gave birth to them (or their parents or whatever)...?

If the kids, grandkids, etc actually put some time into nurturing and maintaining loving relationships with an elder relative, then I don't imagine that relative WOULD simply write them off or throw them over for a young new partner.

Just like Grandma was mad that her sister didn't leave her anything, but she didn't have much time or love or kindness for her during her life...so why should she have felt entitled to anything?

And even though I DID put love, time, and energy into my relationship with my Aunt, I didn't expect her to leave me money. That's just it, those relationships are their own reward, if they're genuine. So it comes right down to an old person having every right in the world to leave their assets to anyone they want, or to their favorite charity if they like.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
I'm more perturbed about how he proposed after only 2 weeks of dating ... and he is 19. That's crazy to me. I think you need to date at least a year to know if you really want to spend the rest of your life of your life with someone ... but hey that is me. Some people say they 'know' right away ... but I really believe it takes time to develop and know in your mind that you're 100% sure .. b/c it's a huge commitment.


I'm divorced and I am a huge advocate of not rushing into anything and taking one's time.
1. I agree with you, but when I was 19, I jumped into things pretty fast. 19 year olds often lack the wisdom to know that. And a 70-something might just be like "to heck with it, who cares?" and go for it.

2. Someone mentioned this kid had done similar before with another old lady. Maybe he's got a fetish for old people. There's a whole category of porn out there about that, so it's not unheard of. *shrug* ??

The ONLY thing that would upset me in all of this, is if he were not treating these older ladies well. If he were going into it for the power differential like con artists target the elderly and if he were abusing her in some way (physically, emotionally, financially.) If he is being loving and good to his partners, then hey. Good on them, both of 'em. (EDIT: But I feel that way about anyone really...don't take advantage of vulnerable people, it's bad.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-04-2018, 09:53 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,524 posts, read 778,631 times
Reputation: 2012
Alot of senile elderly people often fall easily into 'true love' traps.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:00 AM
 
234 posts, read 137,994 times
Reputation: 852
It's her money...if she wants to spend it on some young stuff...MORE POWER TO HER!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:03 AM
 
25,357 posts, read 24,151,643 times
Reputation: 23759
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
What about the old person's feelings, though?

When you spent your life "taking care" of other people, then as recent generations tend to do, they move on into their own busy, important lives, and have no interest in taking any care of you in your old age... Why in heck should they feel entitled to literally everything you have to give, giving nothing in return, for the entire duration of your lifespan, simply because you gave birth to them (or their parents or whatever)...?

If the kids, grandkids, etc actually put some time into nurturing and maintaining loving relationships with an elder relative, then I don't imagine that relative WOULD simply write them off or throw them over for a young new partner.

Just like Grandma was mad that her sister didn't leave her anything, but she didn't have much time or love or kindness for her during her life...so why should she have felt entitled to anything?

And even though I DID put love, time, and energy into my relationship with my Aunt, I didn't expect her to leave me money. That's just it, those relationships are their own reward, if they're genuine. So it comes right down to an old person having every right in the world to leave their assets to anyone they want, or to their favorite charity if they like.



1. I agree with you, but when I was 19, I jumped into things pretty fast. 19 year olds often lack the wisdom to know that. And a 70-something might just be like "to heck with it, who cares?" and go for it.

2. Someone mentioned this kid had done similar before with another old lady. Maybe he's got a fetish for old people. There's a whole category of porn out there about that, so it's not unheard of. *shrug* ??

The ONLY thing that would upset me in all of this, is if he were not treating these older ladies well. If he were going into it for the power differential like con artists target the elderly and if he were abusing her in some way (physically, emotionally, financially.) If he is being loving and good to his partners, then hey. Good on them, both of 'em. (EDIT: But I feel that way about anyone really...don't take advantage of vulnerable people, it's bad.)
What makes you feel the grandchildren haven't been nurturing this woman? Just curious. Also, did they mention inheritance in the article? I'm assuming so and answered partially based on that but in skimming the article I didn't see it, so I may have missed it. Is this the main objection? I answered that idea based on someone else here mentioning it.

The elderly definitely can be vulnerable, just as the very young can be vulnerable. Although there's no saying this is definitely a case of usury, it DOES make one wonder when there is this significant an age difference, whether one or the other is being used in some way, and therefore it is bound to raise some questions. Again, that's not saying this can't be true love (after three weeks). And yes, the woman does have a right to be happy too. But will there be questions? On the part of the family who loves her? Well, of course. Families do look out for one another. That's our job.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:11 AM
 
1,333 posts, read 636,060 times
Reputation: 5724
So many old guys marry women that could be their granddaughters, this isn't any different. Well, except it doesn't look like she is rich, unlike most of the old guys. It does crack me up that they met at Chuck E Cheese.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,230 posts, read 11,764,006 times
Reputation: 15253
No fair. I want a hot, young 19 year old too!

Wait, nevermind. I just saw the photos in the article.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:30 AM
 
8,141 posts, read 12,509,845 times
Reputation: 3954
I just can't picture the whole sex aspect of this ... yikes
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Colorado
9,734 posts, read 6,273,073 times
Reputation: 17554
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
What makes you feel the grandchildren haven't been nurturing this woman? Just curious. Also, did they mention inheritance in the article? I'm assuming so and answered partially based on that but in skimming the article I didn't see it, so I may have missed it. Is this the main objection? I answered that idea based on someone else here mentioning it.

The elderly definitely can be vulnerable, just as the very young can be vulnerable. Although there's no saying this is definitely a case of usury, it DOES make one wonder when there is this significant an age difference, whether one or the other is being used in some way, and therefore it is bound to raise some questions. Again, that's not saying this can't be true love (after three weeks). And yes, the woman does have a right to be happy too. But will there be questions? On the part of the family who loves her? Well, of course. Families do look out for one another. That's our job.
No, everyone leapt to that (the "it must be money" thing.) Because why else would a young hot person date an icky old person, right? That's the mindset. But as someone who legit LIKES old people and spending time with them, I am pushing back. I feel like people see it as...why would anyone choose to be around an elder unless they stand to gain? And I've loved older people in my life, so it makes me angry that some would act like they are universally unpleasant to be around. But that seems to be the knee-jerk whenever age gap relationships come up. Sorry but it's wrong. Some of us just like old people.

There are 100 ways that a person can take advantage of a vulnerable person, at any age. Should family keep a concerned eye on things? Yeah, I think they should. But I'd hope they are making sure that their relative is happy and being treated well, rather than scoping out the money they think they deserve to get.

God, not so long ago, I discovered Eileen Kramer. She's 103 years old, and she is a famous dancer from Australia. She's still performing. And she is so beautiful, ethereal, and inspirational. I'd totally date her! What a magical human being she is.

I just don't like jumping to cynical conclusions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:35 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
72,676 posts, read 64,172,365 times
Reputation: 68458
Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
If she has lots of money, then his motives are suspect.

However, I know a couple of married couples where the wife is substantially older and those are sound marriages and much more happy than a typical matrriage.

Not sure if it is relavant, but those much younger husband's are both big, strong, confident, and very handsome men. So they are not settling for their older wife.
I can't help thinking, that the guys who say they can't relate to women their age, haven't really put much effort into looking for like-minded women in their age group. At college, say. There are a fair number of college women, who aren't into the party scene, are more intellectual and responsible, have a wide variety of interests and are somewhat accomplished at an early age, well-travelled, some of them, and so forth, who go through their college experience having trouble finding like-minded men. There seems to be quite a bit of the ships-passing-in-the-night phenomenon going on in colleges, where the men and women who are a good fit for each other, aren't able to find each other. That's sad.

I've run into recent college grads online, men who say "all the women at my school were into the party scene", so the guys hung out in their dorm every night with their bro-group. I assure them that there were women who were NOT into that scene, and who were looking for guys like them. Some were participating in poetry open mic, others might have been hanging out in the music, art, or theater departments, getting creative, and so on, hoping some cool, creative, non-party-oriented guys would join the group. Even at "party schools", there are non-party men and women, trying to get an education.

It's sad that they have trouble connecting.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-04-2018, 10:41 AM
 
8,141 posts, read 12,509,845 times
Reputation: 3954
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
No, everyone leapt to that (the "it must be money" thing.) Because why else would a young hot person date an icky old person, right? That's the mindset. But as someone who legit LIKES old people and spending time with them, I am pushing back. I feel like people see it as...why would anyone choose to be around an elder unless they stand to gain? And I've loved older people in my life, so it makes me angry that some would act like they are universally unpleasant to be around. But that seems to be the knee-jerk whenever age gap relationships come up. Sorry but it's wrong. Some of us just like old people.

There are 100 ways that a person can take advantage of a vulnerable person, at any age. Should family keep a concerned eye on things? Yeah, I think they should. But I'd hope they are making sure that their relative is happy and being treated well, rather than scoping out the money they think they deserve to get.

God, not so long ago, I discovered Eileen Kramer. She's 103 years old, and she is a famous dancer from Australia. She's still performing. And she is so beautiful, ethereal, and inspirational. I'd totally date her! What a magical human being she is.

I just don't like jumping to cynical conclusions.
I like old people too but there's a difference between liking them and marrying them. Old people are awesome. Never in my life would I marry one though!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Current Events
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top