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One reason there are bullies is because many adults responsible for stopping it (parents, teachers, etc.) operate under the premise that it is better to bully than to be bullied. That the bullied children have some sort of weakness. They don't seem to realize that having a need to constantly put down or beat down others is a major weakness in itself.
There are also many, many adults in authority who will respond "well, I didn't see it happen so I can't do anything about it". Right-o. And where would we be if the police took that view?
I think the situation is more complex than that; it's roots are in competitiveness.
Yes, they are. Truer words have never been spoken.
Yet most people in this culture will not want to hear that, because most people are perfect products of their own culture, an inherently competitive one, in this case. Which doesn't make your statement any less true.
No, competition DOES NOT and HAS NEVER brought out "the best" in people, as someone implied on this thread. Competition brings up the best in PRODUCTS, not in people.
Some clever writer whose name I now forget once said:
"Competition brings the best in products and the worst in relationships".
Be sure that most immigrants who come to the United States do not come here for its "human relations". That's hardly an attraction. They come for "the products" hoping that relationships will also be OK. Many find the truth the hard way. Yet the trappings of material plenty are hard to resist.
But that doesn't change the fact that this is the most aggressive society anyone can choose to live in. It is evident from playground to grave.
Just do yourselves a favor and go study, consciously and systematically, the interaction of kids on a typical American playground vs. the interaction of kids in a culture known for being clearly less competitive than the US (which would be all other cultures, except that some are closer to the American model than others).
Oh, yes - and my answer to the inevitable "If you don't like America, why don't you go back to where you came from?" is:
"Because you need to go there first and fix my place of origins back to the society it was before you shoved the "free" market model down everybody's throats. So while you're fixing my place, I will reserve the right to stay here, voice my opinion and upset people like whoever's asking.
And if "whoever" donesn't like this, why doesn't "whoever" leave the forum?...
The school did NOTHING.. and asked what I did to deserve to have rocks thrown at me. Nice right? He would also come up and tell me he was going to strangle me to death, he shoved me, etc.
This...along with dozens of other bullying testimonials I have read on American forums - they never cease to make me shudder for my small children's future, if we somehow don't manage to pull off a repatriation soon.
Growing up, I was never part of the IN-CROWD in my home country but never, ever have I experienced anything remotely close to the attrocities I have read about here. Nor do I know anyone there that has experienced anything like this.
Even the most popular kids in the very snooty, cliquish and elitist high-school I attended, were quite civil towards all other children, peripheral or not, weak or not. I remember we would always say "Hi" to one another, it's just that I was never part of their clique and they never attempted to make me part of it. I just shrugged, I made a couple of low-key good friends, and high-school was just fine without having to be part of the popular gang. This is because the popular gang itself was in fact quite decent towards everyone else. Waow.
No, bullying of the kind Americans talk about IS NOT (I repeat NOT!!!) a part of normal "growing up".
When I read that it makes me wonder if she does....thoses are her own words....
Lordy! And if she doesn't like America? Then what?
Is this trait - "liking America" - a prerequisite for being allowed to express a point of view on an American forum? Or Americans absolutely cannot stand to hear anything critical about their own culture, so they automatically dismiss the views of anyone who simply doesn't like America?
Sure enough, the cases of bullying filling up the news in the past few years is not exactly helping the cause with the 'liking', is it...
I'm not sure I'd take either route. I mean, I would totally punish them, but I think I'd like to know why they thought they could act that way...
I wouldn't. Completely not interested in the root of their "feelings".
This is exactly the kind of mentality that has destroyed this country since the 1960's and turned it into the weirdo culture of "self-esteem" (to be read aggressive narcissism).
"Let's analyze what is at the root of being an as*".
Let's not, because it's just that: being an as*.
What I would do? I would just hurt them back as badly as I could get away with, without putting my family in harm's way, particularly knowing that my children are the kind who would never in a million years act nasty towards anyone.
I have been told they are so sweet and empathetic because they may genetically not be the "socially dominant" type. Well, too bad. If anyone were to hurt them, I'd get so "socially dominant" with the perpetrator and their parents that they'd live in dark fear day and night.
People today are just far too sensitive. I was only bullied once and it was senior year in high school. After a few times of getting jerked around in front of my girlfriend, the dude that was punking shoved me. Waited for him to turn around shoved him square in the back. He was a pretty big guy 6'3 250 and I'm just 5'11 180. Told him, if you want to kick my ass then do it now or I'll just going keep shoving you back everytime you shove me. He stopped bugging me after that.
When you are a kid, you need to learn to stand up for yourself. Kids punking kids happens at the time. I see it at playgrounds, the jungle gym at the mall, etc. Its been around for a long time. Either your kid will learn how to handle it or become a pawn.
There are going to be several moments in ones life where they will need to be able to stand up in a stressful situation. Best to learn how to handle those when you are young and they don't mean as much.
I agree. But what if he is 250 lbs and you weigh only 110? And what if you were a woman? Would you still have the nerve to challenge him to try to kick your ass, hoping it was a bluff? Because for someone who is much weaker, they have a lot more to lose if they're wrong. Telling kids to stand up for themselves is one things. Telling them to 'buck up' and take on a situation for which they might not be physically equipped is another.
Kids bully other kids b/c there are no consequences for their actions, and in bullying another student, they get what they want (to get rid of someone, for whatever reason) and feel powerful. Even more frightening, this is just practice for these kids until they become ruthlessly competitive adults.
Parents who are unsympathetic to bullied children are unsympathetic b/c either their children are the ones involved (and they don't want to see them punished) or are insensitive b/c their own children are not the victims; many people are able to react insensitively to an issue b/c it doesn't involve them.
Also, the U.S. in general still seems to allow bullying b/c it fosters competitiveness, the hallmark of any good capitalist society: the strong survive while the weak perish, and this makes the society stronger and more productive (i.e. "survival of the fittest"). I mean, just look at our history; the U.S. has enriched itself through the same unapologetic, remorseless attitude for centuries. And now we are seeing what happens when such behavior is not checked. This poor girl's death is only one of thousands of examples in this nation in which ruthless individuals are rewarded and/or not punished for their irresponsible behavior. And, sadly, there are many parents who view competitive, bullying kids as future "winners" and leaders.
I totally agree! I don't think the problem is with competitiveness per se... For example, if you look at athletic competition where all the players have to follow the same set of rules and guidelines, I don't think that fosters bullying. But our capitalist society doesn't run like an athletic competition where everyone tries to compete fairly following the same set of rules. In our society, the people who are the strongest and the richest create their own set of rules, and they make sure that those rules guaranteed their continued success. Meanwhile the rest of the population has to follow another set of rules. This is why a CEO or investor who lies and steals and robs people of their entire retirements savings never sees jail time; whereas some 20-something robs a 7-Eleven and gets a few hundred bucks from a register does go to jail. This communicates that ethics and compassion are less important that being 'on top.' You must always be on top--even if you have to steal from people who work for your company, lie to the people you do business with, bomb other countries that are much poorer weaker than you (because they have something you want... like oil), and whine about how some poorer American's desire to get health care for their children is going to bring down civilization as we know it.
Ok, yep, it does have negative psychological effects. But to me, the first step in tackling bullying is this - bad people, who may want to hurt you, exist in the world. This should be taught in school, to every child in every class. Is this a cruel statement to make? No it's not. At the least, it's a statement of fact, and by accepting that such things exist, people can be better prepared to face it when it arises.
Even in adults, this is so. Women sometimes say that guys are too rough and aggressive, but a strong offence is a good defence. By being able to handle oneself, it shows people that the cost of attacking you is high. This would ward people off, or at least make one less of a target.
By accepting reality, we learn how to cope with reality.
Yes, they are. Truer words have never been spoken.
Yet most people in this culture will not want to hear that, because most people are perfect products of their own culture, an inherently competitive one, in this case. Which doesn't make your statement any less true.
No, competition DOES NOT and HAS NEVER brought out "the best" in people, as someone implied on this thread. Competition brings up the best in PRODUCTS, not in people.
Some clever writer whose name I now forget once said:
"Competition brings the best in products and the worst in relationships".
Be sure that most immigrants who come to the United States do not come here for its "human relations". That's hardly an attraction. They come for "the products" hoping that relationships will also be OK. Many find the truth the hard way. Yet the trappings of material plenty are hard to resist.
But that doesn't change the fact that this is the most aggressive society anyone can choose to live in. It is evident from playground to grave.
Just do yourselves a favor and go study, consciously and systematically, the interaction of kids on a typical American playground vs. the interaction of kids in a culture known for being clearly less competitive than the US (which would be all other cultures, except that some are closer to the American model than others).
Oh, yes - and my answer to the inevitable "If you don't like America, why don't you go back to where you came from?" is:
"Because you need to go there first and fix my place of origins back to the society it was before you shoved the "free" market model down everybody's throats. So while you're fixing my place, I will reserve the right to stay here, voice my opinion and upset people like whoever's asking.
And if "whoever" donesn't like this, why doesn't "whoever" leave the forum?...
So bullying is exclusive to the United States?
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Completely not interested in the root of their "feelings". 
Kids bully other kids b/c there are no consequences for their actions, and in bullying another student, they get what they want (to get rid of someone, for whatever reason) and feel powerful. Even more frightening, this is just practice for these kids until they become ruthlessly competitive adults.
