Do you think society looks down on men who date larger women? (damage, greasy)
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Also, at what point is a woman considered large? Melissa McCarthy? Meghan Trainor? Adele? I feel like this will vary.
I can tell you that at 400 lbs, nobody was checking me out at all. At 250, I do notice men looking at me sometimes. I think part of that is because my boobs haven't gotten any smaller while the rest of me has, so they look really out of proportion, and shirts that fit my shoulders and belly are fairly snug in the chest.
I know a lot of women who wear a size 16 who don't consider themselves to be overweight or plus-sized...my mom and MIL are both a size 16 and say they're not plus-sized because they can still buy clothes in the misses department, not the plus sizes.
You may be right. Since I haven't asked out or otherwise pursued a "lean" woman since I was 17, I wouldn't be able to figure out if there is a difference between thin women and fat women where that's concerned. My guess, from what I have seen of people, is that fat girls think that a man who pursues them has ulterior motives... thinking things like "a guy wouldn't possibly want me the way he'd want a thin girl, so this guy is probably either a wack-job or he's only looking at me as though I might be an easy lay". As such, they'll reject such guys. Or... maybe they have as much self-confidence, on average, as any other type of woman out there and they refuse to settle! Who knows. I haven't studied it.
I think it comes down to trying not to put people in a box. These are individuals we're talking about, each as unique as the one next to them. As such, there is no universal formula that applies. It's not like we can rightly say, "big girls should/can/will respond to being approached by _____" and expect it to be right. The power of the individual is just too great for this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
I have been rejected by fat women and I never once had indignation due to being rejected by "a fat woman"... it was always disappointment over being rejected by the woman I wanted to date. Though this may sound cocky, I always thought "what's wrong with you that you can't see that I'm a good man, and that you should be honored to go out with someone who is going to treat you well?".
I think my confusion in the wake of a rejection had more to do with not understanding the ideas I've expressed above. I generally was a gentlemen when I would approach. But my biggest mistake was I didn't approach a girl, I approached a "fat girl." As such, mentally I treated it differently and was therefore not prepared for the response sometimes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy
Well, you have to love kids. She obviously thought very highly of you and did what she could think to do, in her 13-year-old mind, to promote her mom to you.
To be clear, I did not mean to lump this girl in with those who patronized me. I don't always organize my thoughts as good as I should. It was actually endearing. And a bit overwhelming/intimidating, actually. I was 24 at the time, my girlfriend was 31. We were for all intents and purposes a family. But a 13 year old girl was not something I was sure I knew how to deal with at the time. Hell, I still don't think I know how to.
I guess this question is tied into the whole issue of whether society looks down on larger women in general, but this thread is about society's perceptions of men who date larger women. By "larger" I mean larger than themselves. I am not dealing with the issue of large men dating large women. More so thin men who date large women.
I think society looks down on men who do this because it implies the man couldn't "do better" and it doubly implies that a larger woman doesn't deserve a man who is thinner. So both are seen kind of "at fault". I also think that society probably assumes that the man couldn't possibly be sexually attracted to his larger partner, so he must be just dating her because he's alone and has many other issues that a thinner woman couldn't overlook. I feel it's more likely for men to think this about other men but I feel maybe women could think that, too. I am not sure about female opinion on the matter. Do some women think a guy who has dated a large woman is not dateable?
I also feel there *might* be a double standard when it's the other way around. Like if a larger guy has a thin woman, both men and women cheer him on, but when a larger woman has a thin man, the man is seen as the loser and the woman is given no credit.
These are my theories. I'm not saying society is "right" for doing this, I'm just pointing out possible theories. What are your thoughts, O diverse opinionated people of city-data?
Well I don't know about looking down. For me, it depends on who the two individuals are. I know for some men, they like larger women so that is their first choice and they have what they want so good for them. Other men married thinner women and she gained weight afterwords, but if they have a strong marriage then I respect them. Still other men are unhappy that their woman is heavy, those guys I feel sorry for.
Honestly, if you ask a man what he REALLY likes as far as a woman's appearance, he will be able to give you his description of what constitutes a "ten"... or he might even tell you about a woman he knows who he feels is a "ten". Not long ago I was talking with a friend of mine about a woman he's been crushing on for seven years, and while I went item by item asking him about why he think she's ideal, he did confess that in the looks department, she is but a "nine" in his book... and he proceeded to name a woman he knows who is a "ten". (I have never seen the other woman, but the fact remains - he can tell ME that his crush is a "nine" - if he told HER that, how would she feel? A guy has two choices in a case like that - keep it a secret from his not-quite-a-ten girlfriend, or tell her. In the first case, he's keeping secrets... and that's ALWAYS a bad idea because sooner or later they come to the surface. In the second case, either she'll be offended or she will accept it because she has poor self-esteem. In neither case can anything good come of it.)
Slim to pretty THIN, or pretty THICK? Hard to tell. I'm guessing it's "slim to pretty thick". Again I state for the record that while that may be his allowable range, there is a point within that range that is ideal for him. "Cute" girls with decent personalities? Sometimes I think that "cute" is overused... often it is given as a compliment on one's appearance when "beautiful", "gorgeous", "handsome", "hot", etc. wouldn't qualify. (Heck, I use all kinds of complimentary words for my wife when talking about her appearance but she won't let me use "cute"... she says "'CUTE' is for CHILDREN!")
Every girl I ever dated was "cute" in her own way and had a decent personality. But in the privacy of my own thoughts, I knew what I preferred. The thinnest woman I dated in my adult years was 5'8" and 160 pounds... she had a lot of good stuff going for her and we dated for almost 1 1/2 years... but my eyes would invariably wander to the lovely large women I saw in the course of my daily life and I would feel guilty about that. It's not that I thought God would smite me for eyeing another woman, or that she would catch me doing so, but it was my feeling of "if my girlfriend knew that I'm more drawn to women who look like that one, she'd be hurt and mad... and rightfully so".
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I get that but that applies to most people. Shemar Moore might be your ideal but waiting around for him and others like him is a pipe dream for the average woman so waiting around for your ideal doesn't seem realistic especially if you have an attraction to other types. Even if you're dating Halle Berry the average guys head would still be on a swivel so I'm not sure that it means anything that the eye wanders if you're not dating your version of a 10. I would think that she should be rightfully mad if you lied about liking her at all.
I couldn't care less who dates who. If he's fit and attractive I might wonder for a brief few seconds why he'd want a fat woman, but I don't give it that much thought or care.
Maybe personality and values have a lot to do with it.
Just remember that the average IQ is 100. So this means half the people have IQ's less than average. So what do you care what half the population thinks if they are all stupid.
Only thing i ever wonder about is why would a person who is skinny to average size WANT to become overweight (as ive seen before). I see so many women (and some men) say "my bf/gf loves big partners so im going to fatten myself up for him/her". I just dont get that.
Where do you live? I live in US and never see that-ever.
I can tell you that at 400 lbs, nobody was checking me out at all. At 250, I do notice men looking at me sometimes. I think part of that is because my boobs haven't gotten any smaller while the rest of me has, so they look really out of proportion, and shirts that fit my shoulders and belly are fairly snug in the chest.
I know a lot of women who wear a size 16 who don't consider themselves to be overweight or plus-sized...my mom and MIL are both a size 16 and say they're not plus-sized because they can still buy clothes in the misses department, not the plus sizes.
I can see that but they are at the top of the average clothing size and some stores like BCBG and other fancier designers don't even make 12s let alone 14s and 16s. Isn't anything over 10 considered plus sized?
I never thought it was an issue. I hear more about hot women dating fat men.
But I always assume
1. She's hot to him
2. She has alot in common with him
Never saw an issue. Where I get my nails done, there's a guy who works there, lost alot of weight. He looks pretty good. But his wife is overweight. However, she's not ugly-just big. She's cute in the face, and has nice hair.
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