What is the point of being married when you are only going to divorce in the long run? (examples, pregnant)

[Chatteress]

Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers

Love, as in "partner love", seems to be an illusion. Love seems to be an ideal fantasy or dream that almost always turns into a nightmare..

That is a very cynical point of view that stems from society's misunderstanding of what true love is all about. Too many folks in today's society associate love with feelings. Yes, feelings are a byproduct of love but true love is a choice or action. It is a decision to be committed to your partner in marriage through the good times and especially during the bad times. Too many folks in the US enter marriage because they "feel" these feelings of "love" towards their partners but once trials hit, those lovey dovey feelings fly out the window. This is not true love.

[Chatteress]

Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers

It bothers me when I hear people explain that, "you have to work hard for a marriage to work." To me, it is like saying, "Okay, sense the "romance" is over with your partner, you have to try your hardest to stay with this person who you force yourself to care about again."

It's basically like loving my partner, having him leave and then get some random person from the bar and "try to make things work out so that we are partners for life". People change. It's like you are living w/ a complete stranger after a while. I don't think marriages are natural. Marriages can be a beautiful thing, but... I just don't think it's very natural, at least now. Society is changing. I just feel like.. marriage is more of an "idea" now

Is it natural for children to live in broken homes or have multiple sets of "step parents" whenever their moms and dads decide that they do not feel romantic feelings towards each other?
Feeling romantic feelings do not = true love.

[lifelongMOgal]

In my opinion marriage is a sacrament and as such it is a covenant between the man and woman marrying and God. The couple is not only pledging their love and lifelong commitment to each other but also making a covenant with God that they are worthy to recieve his blessing. Break the oaths, allow the marriage to fail, and the covenant of marriage before God has been broken.

Seems if people took their faith and the sanctity of this covenant to which they have pleged themselves before God more seriously we wouldn't have the 50%+ divorce rate in the USA. IMO, if people are not willing to take the act of marriage seriously they should skip the church, and the covenant which they have not considered with gravity, and just go to the courthouse to obtain a legal "civil union".

In this day and age people are generally selfish and more concerned with their temporary worldly happiness than keeping their word to each other and to God. Character is never outdated and the lack of character in a country where less than 50% of marriages are for "life" is a sign of a society with the wrong priorities.

[Basiliximab]

Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers

As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?

I view marriage as a business contract between two parties. Love would be ideal (but what is love anyway? we'll get to that in a minute), but not necessary. Good companionship is what's necessary to me: the ability to be around each other amicably and the ability to work things out if arguments, differences of opinions arise.

Love... well, if it exists I probably have not experienced it yet. I believe it is an ideal, and perhaps I am just too cynical for that. Or perhaps just too selfish. I think one of the attributes of love is selflessness--to care about that other individual more than oneself.

One other point you brought up--is marriage natural. To me that's a very broad question. If by marriage you mean monogamous relationships, I do not believe that is natural; I believe it is natural to be attracted to more than one person. What becomes a problem though is for when feelings that go "deeper" than mere lust begin to develop for more than one person. Is that natural? Perhaps. Yet because of the nature of friendship and romantic involvement that usually come about through marriage, I do not believe such a thing can exist in the long term between more than two parties.

[John23]

This may not be the perfect analogy, but...

Marriage is like 2 people getting into a raft or boat when they are 25 or 27 years old. They are somewhat young, naive, unfamiliar with the seas. Not much experience out on the open water. Why not pair up? It'll make things easier.

If you were young and kind of naive, wouldn't you want to pair up with someone for this long, treacherous boat ride?

Now, the years go by. 5 years. 10 years. 15, 20. 30. They're capable sailors on their own. Why do they necessarily "need" the other person?

It's not a 100% accurate analogy, but maybe 50-75%. Most people get married out of convenience. They need somebody else to "make it". But eventually you grow so apart, the seas don't look the same as when you started.

I can only speculate about Gore and his wife. I dont know. You only live once, and Gore realized he could be doing better? How else do you split after 40 years. Perhaps some long recessed temptations finally come out.

I think 2 people coming together is natural. But the boat, raft you're in can be boxed in or constrained. You may want to see what else is out in the sea. You may want to sail on your own. Or maybe the two of you reach your destination being in the right sized raft, going at your own speed.

[arrgy]

I have been living with my high school "sweet heart" for 25 years. We have no kids (thank God) and we really don't want to marry. However, she has been out of work for a couple of years, and she is developing health problems with her back. We are now in forced to get married so I can get her decent health insurance.

[007.5]

Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers

As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?

Heres some of my thoughts :

1. Marriage today is a very high risk and no fault divorce laws push it even higher.

2. There are many valid benefits to remaining Single .. most of all never having to worry about a divorce devastating your life .

3. The commitment level in marriage today, are disatrously low compared to 60 years ago. So many things today whittle away at a marriage .

4. Most people dont apply hardly any objectivity toward selecting a marriage mate and rely on feelings almost exclusively.

5. Lust and Hollywood ideals are what many people have when seeking to marry. Many want 'the fairy tale' to experience. That typically ends a few weeks after the consummation.

6. Marriage was once looked upon as high security...but it is not that anymore for either Partner.

7. People remarrying in the 50's or later, stand a good chance of being hurt in their retirement years from a divorce involving huge financial outlay. Its not so bad if it happens in your 30's...but when youre close to senior citizen status, its a major consideration. Or should be.

8. Most people get married only to drastically change over the years into totally different people very often making it near impossible to get along with .

9. There are simply no gaurantees in Marriage . Most stay married so long as they are reasonably happy ; its nearly always conditional based on how they feel.

10 . Singleness , so long as you have some good friends, can fill your life with enjoyable activities/hobbies/interests , feel like youve achieved some worthwhile pursuits in life, and in particular have a close relationship to God desiring to serve him and others....can be very satisfying without many of the headaches or potential for headaches associated with marriage.

Im sure The Gores would now agree with some or all of these i listed.

[texdav]

Persoanlly:I can not imagine l;iving without my wife now.It makes life so much more interesting and easier. I see all kinds of lonely old men and women once they get above 40 its almost unreal. Some people thought are just not marriage material because they are too self center and often loners who can't have a intimate relationship beyond sex. Most also do not have really close friends is my observation

[007.5]

Originally Posted by Bennie Flowers

As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...


What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?

I think many people would be willing to get married even if they knew for sure theyd be divorced in 20 years time. I think alot of people are willing to do that so they can escape 20 years of being on their own...thats how much i think many people hate being alone. The chances today of divorce due in large to no fault divorce laws, pose a very high risk for contemplation of marriage. Essentially, all the things ripping at the fabric of the marital instiitution today are making marriage for life more and more less favorable. I suppose thats why Shackin Up is so alluring. Shallow and non commital as it is.

[gentlearts]

We get married to provide a stable unitied family unit in order to raise children and work towards common goals. We all know examples of long marriages which have succeeded at these goals. So, many do not, but what's the harm in trying? Those of you who are against marriage because it might fail, you're entitled to live your life the way you want, but I am secure in the fact that DH will care for me when I'm old, and I will care for him. That's why you put up with the ups and downs along the way.
When you are old, alone and childless, you may regret your decisions.
You are right in that too many people get married too quickly, without even understanding what they are getting into. They overlook red flags in order to be married. But it does work out for those who choose carefully and know how to roll with the punches.