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We get married to provide a stable unitied family unit in order to raise children and work towards common goals. We all know examples of long marriages which have succeeded at these goals. So, many do not, but what's the harm in trying? Those of you who are against marriage because it might fail, you're entitled to live your life the way you want, but I am secure in the fact that DH will care for me when I'm old, and I will care for him. That's why you put up with the ups and downs along the way.
When you are old, alone and childless, you may regret your decisions.
You are right in that too many people get married too quickly, without even understanding what they are getting into. They overlook red flags in order to be married. But it does work out for those who choose carefully and know how to roll with the punches.
I am all for marriage personally, despite the uncertain outcome . So much of it depends on choosing the right marriage mate based on objectives . I agree that in MOST situations, the other spouse will take care of you if you become incapacitated/old but that isnt even a gaurantee as much as we hope it is. Sadly, people do change over time and self centered motives creep in oftentimes . I think we are seeing far less security in being married than in decades past here in america ; adultery for whatever reason runs rampant and many times without the other even having a clue. Certainly our ever growing morally degraded Culture is having a greater and greater effect on us collectively .... but thats not to say One has to give in to the lures and pressures. It sounds like you are blessed with a great marriage built on trust and integrity...and you are certainly in a great position ; one many would covet for themselves .
Last edited by 007.5; 08-09-2010 at 08:33 AM..
Reason: add
You are inferring that I mean "we shouldn't" marry because it isn't natural. I didn't say that. I am making the connection that things that come naturally to us, we generally do without a second thought. (Those are the examples that I gave).
Obviously, we do things every day that don't come naturally, but that is a side point and not central to the point I was making.
Moreover, I think some people tend to look at long-term partnership/marriage as an inextricable part of the human experience as if it were as natural as eating, sleeping, etc. and I disagree.
Only a idot gets married without a second thought really. But like anyhting some are not good marriage material same as some make terrible parents also.
Marriage is like 2 people getting into a raft or boat when they are 25 or 27 years old. They are somewhat young, naive, unfamiliar with the seas. Not much experience out on the open water. Why not pair up? It'll make things easier.
How about because marriage isn't about "making things easier" - ?
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Now, the years go by. 5 years. 10 years. 15, 20. 30. They're capable sailors on their own. Why do they necessarily "need" the other person?
It's not a 100% accurate analogy, but maybe 50-75%.
I'm thinking more like 1%. ie sorry but IMO that's a weak anology, generally speaking. And scary, frankly. In fact this entire thread has scared the heck out of me. I hope it's just another "internet thing" and not indicative of how many people out there feel. :shiver:
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Most people get married out of convenience.
People get married for many diff reasons and IMO "convenience" is usually well down the list. What the heck is "convenient" about marriage, besides splitting the bills/chores/etc? Living and getting along with someone is more often than not anything but convenient; it takes a lot of work and compromise. Living alone is far more convenient. But living with someone is well worth it for the right person.
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I think 2 people coming together is natural. But the boat, raft you're in can be boxed in or constrained. You may want to see what else is out in the sea. You may want to sail on your own.
If that's how someone feels, they shouldn't get married.
Love, as in "partner love", seems to be an illusion. Love seems to be an ideal fantasy or dream that almost always turns into a nightmare..
Love is not a fantasy, though it is often disillusioned as such.
It is respect, devotion, discipline, and tolerance to the mannerism to which we personally may dislike between each other. Love is something that is truly tested when times become difficult, it is the ability to see through those differences and understand a relationship at its core, it is selfless. It is true responsibility.
Love doesn't exist well in environments were respect, honor, integrity, devotion, and responsibility are scarce. Without those, we have fleeting moments that may be components of love, but are not love itself because love without those elements does not exist.
Love can be found these days, but it is scarce. For the moment, lust and perceived self interested love tend to be the common theme. With those, nothing lasts, they are fleeting moments of self directed feelings and so the true test of love is consistently failed.
Persoanlly:I can not imagine l;iving without my wife now.It makes life so much more interesting and easier. I see all kinds of lonely old men and women once they get above 40 its almost unreal. Some people thought are just not marriage material because they are too self center and often loners who can't have a intimate relationship beyond sex. Most also do not have really close friends is my observation
I never married and have no regrets, you may think single people over 40 are sad / lonely, but many people are very happy with their lives and are better off being single
I find other things in life more important than having a wife, some people just dont have any interest in the married lifestyle
You need to comfortable in your own skin; whether married or not. No other person will ever complete you.
Everyone needs there own space. Personally, haved been married 36 years, I thourough enjoy my time alone. That is probably why so many older couples choose to divorce or not marry again after being widowed.
As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...
What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?
Good post, good questions, good conversation starters....
My thoughts. I've been married before, I never was "in love" with my then boyfriend. We had been friends for years, then dated, then lived together, then I got pregnant. We were young, dumb and inexperienced. I only ever married him because we both thought it was the right thing to do to raise our child. Seven years later the divorce - which I knew would come did and we parted ways, had lots of ugly words (out of hurt on his end), etc and then after all was said and done, we grew up and got over it. He did what he was supposed to do, i did as well and our (now two) kids were raised well.
I have had long term relationships since then and there was talk of marriage but I was never interested. In my mind you can be just as successful in a relationship without being married. I've been in the same relationship now for five years, neither of us has interest in getting married (for our own personal reasons) that has nothing to do with "us". I love him, he loves me. We have a great relationship and it works.
I do indeed believe that lust can be confused for love. I do also believe that people get married more often than not, for the wrong reasons. I have never believed that people "fall out of love", I believe that they never were in love to begin with and that it's not that they no longer love the person but it's more that they have become complacent and bored in the relationship and the easy thing to say is that you "fell out of love". In some cases, I'm sure the love IS lost.
'I have had long term relationships since then and there was talk of marriage but I was never interested. In my mind you can be just as successful in a relationship without being married. I've been in the same relationship now for five years, neither of us has interest in getting married (for our own personal reasons) that has nothing to do with "us". I love him, he loves me. We have a great relationship and it works
'
REPLY: But , how do you handle that God doesnt want you to live in sexual immorality ?
I think the problem is that most people get married while still in the lust stage. They expect marriage to be a permanent state of passion. When the passion wears off they think they are no longer in love, and are not aware of the stages of marriage. Outward appearance is also too important to many people, so when a partner gains weight, gets wrinkles, loses their hair, the relationship goes downhill. Looks should not even be in the top 10 of what's important in a life partner.
People don't discuss what they want from each other and their lives and what their goals are. Your partner should also be your best friend.
I disagree with the looks statement. Looks are important. You have to be physically attractive to someone to have the desire to have sex. Sex is very important in marriage. You cannot get married and just let yourself get fat and go downhill and expect your partner to want to have sex with you. I am not talking about being model perfect but being in the best shape you can. Even if you lose your hair or get wrinkles you can still take care of yourself, work out and look your best. There are many attractive bald men and their are options for woman with thinning hair also. There is no excuse to gain weight and get out of shape after you are married.
I disagree with the looks statement. Looks are important. You have to be physically attractive to someone to have the desire to have sex. Sex is very important in marriage. You cannot get married and just let yourself get fat and go downhill and expect your partner to want to have sex with you. I am not talking about being model perfect but being in the best shape you can. Even if you lose your hair or get wrinkles you can still take care of yourself, work out and look your best. There are many attractive bald men and their are options for woman with thinning hair also. There is no excuse to gain weight and get out of shape after you are married.
Unless you BOTH get fat together , then neither one can have a beef ! I agree that one of the mandatory objectives is to select a dating partner (which may lead to marriage) that you are physically attracted to ... at least reasonably so And if he/she comes with a high libido level, so much the better ; marital sex was designed to cement the two together so the more bunny-action the better .
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