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Well I have come across older couples that are in their 50s/ 60s/70s and they have been married for 30 years or more. In this day and age it seems like people are lucky to make it past a few years of marriage. I dont think people take marriage as seriously as previous generations did, which is truly sad. A lot of people also marry for the wrong reasons and I also think some women get married just so they can have a wedding and some men get married because family/friends/girl friend pressures them to.
No, it's people and their pettiness and selfishness who make the problems in this arena. If people didn't already feel that way, the lawyers would have nothing to feed off. If you try to divide up property and even worse, find some arrangements for custody/visitation with children involved, it's much more difficult without there having been a marriage. You may not have any rights at all as a father if you never married her.
Not to mention, if you're going into a marriage with that mindset, you are shooting yourself in the foot right off the bat. It becomes self-fulfilling.
As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...
What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?
My parents and in-laws will be married until the end. 50+ years each.
It seems you are jaded and just haven't seen a good long-term functioning marriage.
I would add that Gore is a politician...they may have stayed married for years for appearances, no way to know.
There has also been a huge cultural shift in the US and frankly a lot of people don't keep their word and have these huge unrealistic expectations of how easy life should be and our spouses should all be HOT and rich and blah blah blah. AND THEN we reinforce this whole mindset by saying we "shouldn't have to settle"....which is of course utter BS.
Oh well, the simplest solution is to just live your life and if you aren't cut out for marriage (and especially kids) then don't do it.
PS to the naive and foolish who watch way too much TV/movies: that isn't reality. Keep telling yourself that till it sticks. I think part of the problem is that entertainment has become and more and more "realistic" such that a growing number of people are having a harder and harder time distinguishing between the 2. Scary.
A huge part of life as you get older is letting go of some of your dreams and fantasies and realizing that many of them simply aren't going to come true...you take what you can get. But also realize that it doesn't mean you have to be miserable either; you can have a really great life if you keep your expectations realistic.
There has also been a huge cultural shift in the US and frankly a lot of people don't keep their word and have these huge unrealistic expectations of how easy life should be and our spouses should all be HOT and rich and blah blah blah. AND THEN we reinforce this whole mindset by saying we "shouldn't have to settle"....which is of course utter BS.
Oh well, the simplest solution is to just live your life and if you aren't cut out for marriage (and especially kids) then don't do it.
Great post.
My opinion is that it's another symptom of the "entitlement era/generation." Too many people think the world owes them a trip down easy street.
I have to agree with several other posters that I think the high divorce rate is just a result of people being highly immature and selfish. If people are not willing to compromise, not willing to be compassionate with/for their spouse and see them as an equal partner it is doomed to fail. Also many marry for the wrong reasons- thinking someone is "hot", etc- that obviously is no reason at all to marry someone.
I pity those people- marriage is not as hard as many make it out to be. I and my wife are of sort of that old fashioned mindset, that we go into this as life partners- we love and accept every part of each other- all of our plusses, minuses, successes, failures, etc. We celebrate the good times together and support each other in the bad times, we are best friends, and could never, ever, imagine a life without each other.
As most people know, Al Gore and his wife of 40 years have declared that they are going through a divorce. Are marriages just not "natural" for this society anymore? Were they ever natural? Most people within the United States marry another person out of so called love, but what is love? Is lust confused with love? Is loving your partner out of convenience or out of genuine emotion? There are SO many questions that seem to come out of love and maybe that is why the divorce rate is so high, out of unsureness of their meaning of love. Maybe the people who "fall out of love" were never in love to begin with...
What do you think? What are your theories of "love" and divorce?
There are many couples that have successful marriages. Why eat if you are going to die anyways? Why do exercise if you are going to die anyways? Why buy a house if you are not taking it with you when you die?
The point is that in any endeavor we hope for the best and if if you really work hard the odds are that you will be successful, not a sure thing but the odds get better. This year we will be 37 years married but it has taken a lot of work together. We believe the struggle is worth it, take care.
Location: Where ocean meets up with the naked land.
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This isn't rocket science. I've been stating that there has been a cultural shift throughout all of my posts. You know, marriage isn't biological. It's always been a cultural practice.
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