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The point from which most anti-marriage people speak is either fear or failure. And while we cannot fault people who speak from those points, we cannot take their word as gospel truth. It's usually laced with a lot of anger - sometimes hidden, sometimes not.
Don't ever mistakenly assume that the bitterness of anti-marriage people is true reflection of what marriage can and should be.
Too many people operate under the delusion that love is something you fall in and out of, without warning and over which we have no control. While that may be true of infatuation or initial attraction, it simply is not true of love. Love is something more stable and solid than that. While true love may not always lead to an immediate erection for a guy, or swooning for a woman, it is what cements people's souls together. It is what leads to marriages that actually thrive, rather than die or merely survive.
Nice post and this analogy esp well put Drives home the meshing and "permanence" of it. I think it's a mindset our society has gotten well away from in its instant-gratification idiocy. People get married already thinking "well if this doesn't work out, then......"
Nice post and this analogy esp well put Drives home the meshing and "permanence" of it. I think it's a mindset our society has gotten well away from in its instant-gratification idiocy. People get married already thinking "well if this doesn't work out, then......"
And like it or not, we need to admit that the expectation of sex no later than the second date plays into that. People are deluded into thinking that if sex is fun right now, it must mean that this is a person who would make a great spouse. Unfortunately, that's just not true. In fact, the person having sex without when you're not married is probably more apt to be having sex with somebody else he/she is not married to - while he/she is married to you.
women are not as dependent on a husband these days. IMO the reason you had to swear before god "till death do us part" was it was a horrible thing to walk out of a marriage and leave a woman with no way to support her self. I think NPR had a little story about an African Culture (Mali?) where even today when a woman gets divorced all of her girl friends give her a big party and consider her lucky to be free of a man.If two people leave each other ; financially, emotionally, physically, and morally better off than when they met the marriage was successful.
I think if you and your spouse stop seeing the same future a head , the obvious choice is some one has to sacrifice their future or they have to become friends and not lovers, Its almost like like returning to the beginning when they met and did indeed have two separte futures
And like it or not, we need to admit that the expectation of sex no later than the second date plays into that. People are deluded into thinking that if sex is fun right now, it must mean that this is a person who would make a great spouse.
Moderator cut: Please discuss the topic, not each other.
Anyone who puts sex as their top priority should never get get married.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 06-03-2010 at 04:28 PM..
To me its like the person that buys a car thinking he will love it.Then learns its a lemon or that he/she can't drive it. Sure path to this is the person that is a bad judge or looks for the wrong thing.
You can also have marriage with commitment and no marriage without. Of the two, which is preferable?
ie what you said is true, but frankly doesn't say anything as it's a pointless comparison.
And yes, while you CAN have commitment without marriage, it's decidedly easier to walk away from a relationship w/o it. In other words, talk is cheap, basically. Anyone can say "oh I'm so committed to you, I want to stay with you for life".........oh really? Then why not get married and make it official?
Marriage is a "put your money where your mouth is" kind of thing. (I mostly mean that in a figurative sense, but it can apply literally too ) That old hippie-ish "it's just a piece of paper" gibberish was never more than that (gibberish). It's far, far more.
You can also have marriage with commitment and no marriage without. Of the two, which is preferable?
ie what you said is true, but frankly doesn't say anything as it's a pointless comparison.
And yes, while you CAN have commitment without marriage, it's decidedly easier to walk away from a relationship w/o it. In other words, talk is cheap, basically. Anyone can say "oh I'm so committed to you, I want to stay with you for life".........oh really? Then why not get married and make it official?
Marriage is a "put your money where your mouth is" kind of thing. (I mostly mean that in a figurative sense, but it can apply literally too ) That old hippie-ish "it's just a piece of paper" gibberish was never more than that (gibberish). It's far, far more.
Of the two, the latter. Means you're single, and there's nothing wrong with not being in ANY sort of relationship. People can survive just fine on their own. Other people create the problems.
Why not get married? Because I don't need government interference to prove whether or not I'm committed to someone else. And, if she wants to leave, she can leave of her own volition when the terms are no longer acceptable. That much is just fine with me.
Like if she REALLY wants kids, then she shouldn't even bother with me, hoping that she can change my mind. She can't. If she wants to get a job as a stripper, instead of staying home and taking care of me and the house, she should be looking elsewhere. I'm pretty set in my ways, but I want someone on my terms, so she had better agree to those terms upfront. Or look elsewhere.
It's not like I NEED someone else in my life, it's just a nice addition to it.
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Drives home the meshing and "permanence" of it. I think it's a mindset our society has gotten well away from in its instant-gratification idiocy. People get married already thinking "well if this doesn't work out, then......"
) That old hippie-ish "it's just a piece of paper" gibberish was never more than that (gibberish). It's far, far more.
