Are funerals becoming less common?

[Backintheville2]

Nope, folks are always going to be dying.


I think it may depend on what part of the country you are in, and what the local customs might be regarding funerals and memorial services. I do agree that there seem to be more cremations now, which would make a memorial service optional for some families.

[augiedogie]

As a retired pastor, I can tell you that like weddings, funerals are going out of style.

[KathrynAragon]

I do think that funeral traditions are shifting a lot. I've seen it in my own family.

My dad loved a good funeral. I can't tell you how many times I heard him say "I'd rather go to a good funeral than a wedding any day." He made it a point to go to funerals, and then give me his synopsis of what he liked and didn't like afterward! When he passed away, I knew exactly what he wanted.

He was very active in the community and was on various charitable organization boards. He volunteered for four different organizations including the local police department and local Civil Air Patrol, among others. He was a veteran. He was young at heart and died in his 70s with no dementia, as a very active man and business owner. He knew a LOT of people. And wow, did they ever show up for his viewing and funeral. Oh, to top it off, he happened to look great in his casket. (Some people don't and I understand why but he really did look good.) And we buried him in one of his favorite Hawaiian shirts and he was holding his cute hat he wore much of the time. Well, I say "buried." He was displayed that way but we actually had him cremated. It was a huge ordeal, with the whole folding the flag, taps, a very well done video of his life (my daughter put it together), several speakers, and the service was jam packed. Dad got the funeral he would have wanted and appreciated! And there was some comfort from that.

One unexpected and sweet touch was that when the family got to get up and walk past his coffin, seeing him for the last time, the song "You Are My Sunshine," came on. That was his special song to me, and it blew me away. Very touching, and I'm glad we had that big funeral. That was just three years or so ago.

But my mom was an introvert. She had dementia. She would never, ever discuss her final wishes. She was not any help at all with Dad's arrangements, or his final illness for that matter. She didn't want to go up to the hospital, or to the funeral home, or anything, so I couldn't get a read from her. She never gave us the slightest insight into what she wanted. Now, my parents had bought two plots out of state at my grandmother's church, but I knew my dad wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered, but he had just never bothered to try to unload those two plots. And then I had a cousin call me right after my mom died, and he said "You do know your mom hated it up here and wouldn't want to be buried in that cemetery, right?" I had figured that but it helped to hear that.

Anyway, she had a lingering final illness and death. She had very few friends, and her relatives were scattered. However, I will say this - her sisters, who lived a few hours away, and their families were very supportive of me and of her during her illness. They were there for my dad as well, and so when it came time to honor Mom, I wanted what worked best for them, and for my kids first and foremost.

I realized that I hate the whole idea of funerals - that everyone has to drop whatever they are doing, take time off from work, travel, etc. and rush somewhere within three or four days. It is so much pressure. Getting together my dad's funeral was a huge ordeal, which I did mostly on my own since my brothers are both sick and live out of state and my mom was absolutely zero help (other than writing the check, which WAS a lot of help since his funeral was not cheap).

I also realized that my mom's funeral would be a lot different from my dad's, which was full of flowers and cards and charitable contributions and people and photos and accolades and all that. As I discussed it with family, I realized that it would be very small and yet also expensive. For an introvert who hated funerals anyway.

But you know what my mom loved? She loved family get togethers with her sisters and all their kids and her great nieces and nephews, and my kids and grandkids. She loved family talent shows.

So I had her cremated, and bought niches for her and for Dad (we had saved some of his ashes to be interred with hers) locally, and then we planned a big family reunion for several months later. We had a huge crowd, probably larger than would have been at a funeral for her, and it was all people she loved. We had a family talent show, and people shared memories of her, her poetry, etc. along with their own talents. We had a huge meal and it was GREAT. It was a happy occasion and informal, and everyone had a great time. There were kids everywhere. And I realized with a start that ALL these people were there because of my mom's mom. They were all her offspring! That's sort of amazing - and we were missing some people who just couldn't come.

It was a lot of fun and it cost a whole lot less than a solemn funeral.

[c charlie]

Funerals are still the custom in my family. We have one next Friday.

By request of the deceased; Catholic church, requiem mass with readings, a eulogy and favourite hymns, such as 'Amazing Grace'. The recessional, at end of service, "When Irish Eyes Are smiling" sung by a lyric tenor.

The Wake will be be held at a nearby pub. This custom has changed greatly. Traditionally, wakes are held a private home, where we all sit around, tell flattering lies about the deceased, get pissed and fight. Because of today's strict drink drive laws, there will not enough alcohol on offer for people to get drunk.

Two main changes in the last 50 years ; most family funerals are now cremations. Even with burials, there are no longer any graveside ceremonies.

It is my belief that funerals are for the living. I leave it up to surviving family to decide. I quite like the idea of a cardboard coffin, and having a tree planted on top of my grave, but not fussed..

[ClaraC]

In my family and community, weddings and funerals are still common.

Weddings are a bit outrageously overblown, incredibly expensive and extravagant, and funerals are more personal and caring than they used to be (complete with slide shows of the deceased, and a sit down meal reception afterwards).

I guess not all communities have continued and even expanded these traditions.

[MarisaMay]

Originally Posted by c charlie

Funerals are still the custom in my family. We have one next Friday.

By request of the deceased; Catholic church, requiem mass with readings, a eulogy and favourite hymns, such as 'Amazing Grace'. The recessional, at end of service, "When Irish Eyes Are smiling" sung by a lyric tenor.

The Wake will be be held at a nearby pub. This custom has changed greatly. Traditionally, wakes are held a private home, where we all sit around, tell flattering lies about the deceased, get pissed and fight. Because of today's strict drink drive laws, there will not enough alcohol on offer for people to get drunk.

Two main changes in the last 50 years ; most family funerals are now cremations. Even with burials, there are no longer any graveside ceremonies.

It is my belief that funerals are for the living. I leave it up to surviving family to decide. I quite like the idea of a cardboard coffin, and having a tree planted on top of my grave, but not fussed..

Sounds like your family have some Irish Catholic background. My MIL died early in the year, at 95 and was Sicilian. It was tricky arranging the funeral though we knew the basics. Requiem mass, funeral basically Italian style with viewing night before. What got tricky was whether to have a wake of any type and in the end we decided against it. It was not the custom in her family and she disapproved of wakes quite strongly. Also tricky as whether to have funeral cars as we all live scattered all over Sydney. Now it is whether to match the inscription she chose for FIL, which is in Italian, or whether to have it in English as none of the younger generation speak any Italian.

I lost a good friend recently to cancer. She was only 64 and was an active Anglican. They had a private cremation in the morning and a memorial service at their church in the afternoon. She had organised most of the service and her husband spoke about how she had spent the last few weeks teaching him how to manage their finances and do online banking. They met when she was 17 and several of her high school friends, including those who introduced them, were present. It was a beautiful afternoon and provided a real sense of closure.

All the best for your family funeral.

[phonelady61]

Yep gotta say funerals are quite common in our area as well and oh my gosh I just went to one not long ago and it was huge . It last 3 hrs !!! I blew through deodorant and perfume after the first hour . I was also dressed to the tee like everyone else . But everyone behaved themselves and it was a big production number and the food omg the food at the end of the service was just awesome . I never want to sit through another 3 hour funeral ever again . They had a bunch of music numbers as well which is why it probably took so long .

[Nov3]

It seems that the "civil" servant ones will remain an homage to the public servants life. That has remained consistent. Of which I'm thankful for.

My family runs hot and cold. Some want no funeral. At all. Particularly my brothers and uncles. They figure..toss the ashes and be on your way. My one aunt also relayed her final wishes. She has outlived friends and even her only son. She doesn't want any funeral . I will respect that. But ohh how sad it will be to not have her life celebrated and her remains laid to rest.

I myself have no need for a funeral. Learned awhile back that just like a sneeze ...I will not be remembered. ..so why try...Kleenex won't make a dime off my demise.

[PriscillaVanilla]

Funerals can be very expensive. Even burying someone without the funeral, is expensive. Many people can no longer afford it. The past 3 deaths of people I knew, there was no funeral, only a memorial service held at a local park or somewhere. My mom had a nice funeral but that was only because she had plenty of money left over after her death to pay for it all.

[Rickcin]

Yes, the normal tradition has changed for the most part to cremations and memorial services.

The traditional Italian three afternoon and evenings of a wake at a funeral home and then a full Mass followed by a service at the cemetery was very common. It seems that all of that has changed!