Poor kid in a rich district..... (Stony Brook, St. James: day care, big house, school districts)

[longislandmike]

Originally Posted by I_Love_LI_but

What do you mean by wrong?

The "rich" are "affected" by the current Economic situation, if they are patronizing ANY location in the United States.

[I_Love_LI_but]

Originally Posted by longislandmike

The "rich" are "affected" by the current Economic situation, if they are patronizing ANY location in the United States.

What suzook meant was that the right will not be negatively affected by the recession like the rest of us. If anything they will be snapping up bargains left and right.

[OhBeeHave]

Originally Posted by S.I.B.

I don't think younger kids really pick up on this stuff. It becomes more of an issue in high school. Obviously all kids are different, but I doubt most "poor" kids will experience a "severe negative impact" if they're in a rich district. None of that BS matters once you're out of high school anyway.

However, I think you're beeing naive if you don't see the potential for your kid to feel a diminished sense of self worth or even a little jealous if he's taking the bus in 11th/12th grade and there's other kids showing up in brand new SUV's, Wranglers, BWM's, etc.

The best parenting in the world is not a cure all for jealousy and basic human nature.

If a person tries to keep up with the Joneses, their children will keep up with the Joneses. I've seen that in older and younger children. There was one little girl in the elementary school years ago whose parents would buy her the hard to get $100 Beanie Babies. Of course the little Kindergarten children didn't know how much it cost, they just wanted one. So yes, there's envy there -- but this is not limited to 'rich' districts by any means.

Seeing as you don't know my child's demeanor, you shouldn't label me naive. He knows he has access to our vehicles (like many of the wealthy kids at school who use Mum's Jag or Dads BMW) and has saved money to buy his own car. He opts not to. (I can't figure that one out as when I was 16 I wanted a car in the WORST way.) He works and saves to buy things he wants but which are not in the household budget. More than anything, I believe he has a very good idea about what can be achieved through hard work and dedication.

What type of values are being instilled in a child if their 'self worth' is diminished because they don't have a new car? A designer purse? An iPhone? This is the same school of thought that dictates that all children get trophies -- whether or not their team won.

The reality in life is that some people get ahead in life while others work hard and some struggle. IMHO it is wrong to try and hide the truth from children. Once they are out IRL, they will see this first hand. I feel it's best to make them cogniscent of that at an early age, so they can best handle themselves in adulthood.

Again, my children have learned that if you want something, you work and save for it. I've seen children given iPods time and again because they've lost them. They don't care as long as there is a steady stream of replacement iPods. Both my children saved their money for iPods -- they are very careful with them.

I live where I do because we returned to the community in which my husband was raised. We didn't set out looking for a 'rich' district. There are plenty of people who were raised here when my husband was; almost all are middle class, some are wealthy. I've found that for the most part, they are rather grounded in the way they raise their children, too.

[S.I.B.]

Originally Posted by OhBeeHave

If a person tries to keep up with the Joneses, their children will keep up with the Joneses. I've seen that in older and younger children. There was one little girl in the elementary school years ago whose parents would buy her the hard to get $100 Beanie Babies. Of course the little Kindergarten children didn't know how much it cost, they just wanted one. So yes, there's envy there -- but this is not limited to 'rich' districts by any means.

Seeing as you don't know my child's demeanor, you shouldn't label me naive. He knows he has access to our vehicles (like many of the wealthy kids at school who use Mum's Jag or Dads BMW) and has saved money to buy his own car. He opts not to. (I can't figure that one out as when I was 16 I wanted a car in the WORST way.) He works and saves to buy things he wants but which are not in the household budget. More than anything, I believe he has a very good idea about what can be achieved through hard work and dedication.

What type of values are being instilled in a child if their 'self worth' is diminished because they don't have a new car? A designer purse? An iPhone? This is the same school of thought that dictates that all children get trophies -- whether or not their team won.

The reality in life is that some people get ahead in life while others work hard and some struggle. IMHO it is wrong to try and hide the truth from children. Once they are out IRL, they will see this first hand. I feel it's best to make them cogniscent of that at an early age, so they can best handle themselves in adulthood.

Again, my children have learned that if you want something, you work and save for it. I've seen children given iPods time and again because they've lost them. They don't care as long as there is a steady stream of replacement iPods. Both my children saved their money for iPods -- they are very careful with them.

I live where I do because we returned to the community in which my husband was raised. We didn't set out looking for a 'rich' district. There are plenty of people who were raised here when my husband was; almost all are middle class, some are wealthy. I've found that for the most part, they are rather grounded in the way they raise their children, too.

can you for a minute try to expand your point of view past your perfectly raised children and acknowledge that this is a POTENTIAL issue for children regardless of how they are raised?

This should not be a diffiucult concept to grasp:

Billy wants.
Billy doesn't get.
Billy's friends DO get.
Bill feels sad.

All the family dinners and heart-to-hearts in the world aren't going to change that among most kids (and adults) in this world.

[newtoli]

I was the poor kid in the rich school.

I survived. It was way worse in say, middle school, then high school.

[OhBeeHave]

Originally Posted by S.I.B.

can you for a minute try to expand your point of view past your perfectly raised children and acknowledge that this is a POTENTIAL issue for children regardless of how they are raised?

This should not be a diffiucult concept to grasp:

Billy wants.
Billy doesn't get.
Billy's friends DO get.
Bill feels sad.

All the family dinners and heart-to-hearts in the world aren't going to change that among most kids (and adults) in this world.

Had you read my post, you would have noticed that I DID acknowledge that for some people (not only children) there is the possibility of envy and that this envy is not exclusive to 'rich' areas. Envy also is not limited to 'poor' children. I've seen envy amongst 'rich' people, too. Like you've written it is human nature. Human nature knows no economic boundaries. My POV isn't limited as you would like to accuse it of being.

I never claimed my children are perfectly raised; they are raised however, as best as possible to face the real world. Does that really bother you so much that you had to make a snide remark?

To expand on your simple concept:

Billy wants
Billy doesn't get
Billy's friends DO get
Billy's other friends don't get
Billy asks why some friends DO & why he and others DO NOT

I never gave in to the whims of petulant children. Crying and having a fit never solved anything and caving into such fits only helps to create a spoiled child.

To return to the topic:

The OP wanted to know about being a poor kid in a rich district. I gave them an answer based upon our experience.

Rather than pick apart my child rearing, why not tell the OP what your experience has been?

[rockypointny]

First of all, there is a big difference between WEALTHY and upper middle class. There are few WEALTHY kids in public schools, and in Three Village most areas are middle to upper middle class. Unless you have a 2 acre 5000 sq ft+ estate in Old Field you're not WEALTHY in Three Village. Strongs Neck is nice, but it's not filled with mansions, there's mostly average sized homes. The only place where there may be WEALTHY kids mixed with middle class kids are places like Jericho, where parts of Muttontown/Brookville mix in, and the district is still highly rated enough for wealthy parents to send their kids to public schools. Other places like Great Neck and Manhasset are pretty evenly distributed economically with only a few middle class neighborhoods.

[Crookhaven]

Originally Posted by S.I.B.

can you for a minute try to expand your point of view past your perfectly raised children and acknowledge that this is a POTENTIAL issue for children regardless of how they are raised?

This should not be a diffiucult concept to grasp:

Billy wants.
Billy doesn't get.
Billy's friends DO get.
Bill feels sad.

All the family dinners and heart-to-hearts in the world aren't going to change that among most kids (and adults) in this world.

SIB speaks Sooth

[AlexisT]

Wealth is relative. If you're the struggling middle class kid with a lot of UMC classmates, that's tough as well.

[AndreaII]

Have to say that I agree overall with OhBeeHave - my kids grew up in TVCSD, had friends stretching from one end of the district to the other; all the kids were very supportive of each other. Sounds too good to be true, but that was our experience. We still are very good friends with many of the parents even though our kids have all graduated from HS. Luckily my kids had the sense to not hang around with a bad crowd either - that's when trouble can begin, I would think. We've been very lucky in that regard.

Three Village is mostly middle and upper middle class. Old Field is actually a small area, and not everyone who lives there can actually afford it, so there really aren't that many very wealthy kids in the school district overall.

My kids went to Murphy, certainly didn't suffer for it, took advantage of the programs offered throughout the district, and came out well - one graduated from an Ivy, and the other is in a very highly rate college. Overall, the district did well for my kids - nothing is perfect, some teachers we better than others, but have to say that the upper track well prepared my kids for college academia.

And OhBeeHave, I wouldn't waste my energy trying to convince posters on this thread what the truth is. They know what they know, they believe what they believe. But you and I at least know what the truth is.