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Forgot to mention. There are many great books out there about Psychic Vampires - a clever phrase to describe people who deplete your energy, either knowingly or not.
One that I own by Joe H. Slate is "Psychic Vampires: Protection from Energy Predators & Parasites" in which he gives a lot of good info on how to deal with this, protect yourself & not be one yourself.
See what a problem this used to be for me - I even had to track down self-help books on how to better assert myself. It's worked, however, which is the best part.
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
yes, I have a neighbor like this....generally, asking people questions is a way to break the ice, and start a conversation going....people do enjoy talking about themselves...and it is interesting to learn their stories...their personal culture, where they've been....but the excess is unbearable sometimes...literally hate it when people always use the conversation to turn it back to them....
Cant remember the movie. But i remember Bette Midler going on and on and then saying saying something like "Well thats enough about me. What do you think about me".
Forgot to mention. There are many great books out there about Psychic Vampires - a clever phrase to describe people who deplete your energy, either knowingly or not.
One that I own by Joe H. Slate is "Psychic Vampires: Protection from Energy Predators & Parasites" in which he gives a lot of good info on how to deal with this, protect yourself & not be one yourself.
See what a problem this used to be for me - I even had to track down self-help books on how to better assert myself. It's worked, however, which is the best part.
Good luck... VV
I've heard about this, and it's true...so true....
I am extremely shy socially and tend to be a loner ( apart from loving being with my partner) and I have been accused many times of being too quiet ( not that you would know by this forum but in person I am incredibly timid) and I do find people who talk a lot very intimidating as well as exhausting. I envy their confidence whilst at the same time wishing they would shut up a bit more.
A great friend of mine is the biggest bigmouth and an evening with her feels like an uphill Marathon, it leaves me feeling drained. She speaks non stop, is a bit loud and I have to admit she overwhelms me a lot of the time.
I have gently explained to her but I have come to realise that she is who she is and I love her to bits , as a kind and loving friend, so I just put up with it.
Sometimes though people who speak a lot just do it to be the centre of attraction and in a selfish and thoughtless manner and I find this extremely unattractive and really annoying. I have on occasions exploded and said some few well thought words to express my feelings. I think it really depends on the context and whether the person who does all the talking just hogs the conversation to make themselves interesting.
Some people just talk a lot as they are insecure and need to fill any silent pauses, as silence and quiet scares them.
Personally I love nothing better than sitting on my own , reading an engrossing book with no sounds at all, but I find most people do need to chat. The phone to me is an instrument of torture and I have to force myself to use it. Most of my friends could spend hours to discuss a speck of dust or the colour of a new pair of shoes. I find this quite scary !
Chatty people are on the whole a lot more sociable and bubbly so I guess it's not all bad, I wouldn't want a world filled with hermits like myself !
I have run into a few of these motormouths over the years, and I agree, it is soooo frustrating. I've even walked away while they were still talking, and they kept right on. I think for me, the solution is to avoid anyone who is a non stop talker. If I'm cornered, I don't mind being rude and walking away because I consider them to be rude first. I don't care if they don't like me, because I don't like them already.
You can only really be bothered by those whom you ALLOW to bother you. If you're on the 'phone with a gabber, interrupt and say something like, "Sorry, got to go, talk to you later," or, worst case scenario (this can work in person, too), "OMG, I've got raging diarrhea coming on!" followed of course by a hurried exit. Or you could say, "You know what, you talk too damned much, just cut to the chase!" or "Have you ever considered you're a real narcissist?" Just some quick thoughts. Cheers!
Hey Twix - It's me, your mom!
I am one of those that can turn a five minute story into an hour+ one because I give EVERY FREAKIN DETAIL!!!!
But you know what? I also want EVERYONE I TALK TO TO DO THAT TOO!!!
To me there's nothing worse than a 2 word answer!!!!!
example:
"So where'd ya go?"
"The store."
Ummmm - can you say "B O R I N G"???!!!
Set the scene!!! What were you wearing? What was your mood? Who did you encounter? What did you think about?
I mean, sheeesh!!!
And then people watch TV & movies & read about these "actors" in magazines!
Ummm - ok, so you want details about people who don't exsist, but the REAL people in your REAL life you don't care???!!!
Something is very wrong with this picture!
By the way, I DON'T think it's ok for someome to ramble on & not let you talk!!! THAT'S selfish & rude!
I always wanna hear responses to what I'm rambling! In fact it drives me NUTS when someone just goes "uh huh, uh huh"!!!
Ask some QUESTIONS!!! Show some INTEREST!!!
But if it's something they're not interested in, I'll always say "sorry for babbling"!
By the way - some of you post REEEEEAAAALY long answers on here - kinda the same thing, no?
Sometimes people like that amuse me, but I CANNOT be around them for extended periods of time. Here's a little anecdote: I was at a restaurant with some friends, one of whom I hadn't really caught up with since high school. We were having a nice time, enjoying our food and our wine, talking and laughing and catching up. I had told my boyfriend earlier that day that I would call him around 7.30, just to say hi and let him know I got to my destination ok, etc. etc. I excused myself to go make the call outside, and the girl I hadn't seen in awhile said she would come outside with me for a smoke, but "I won't bug you while you're on the phone, I swear." Well, said phone call was never made, and in the time it took her to smoke, she just about told me EVERY little thing that had happened to her since high school, how great life has been to her, how many adventures she's had....and on....and on....and on....you get the picture. I would open my mouth to make a comment, but it was not be. Not a word in edgewise. I think narcissistic hits the nail on the head.
I've got a sister or two like this, and I'm just like you. I understand exactly where you're coming from.
They would call me, not really to see how I was doing, but to blab all about themselves, their lives, etc. etc., etc. And I would be nice and listen, the loving sister that I am. I finally made up my mind after 2 incidents, one when I spoke up and was corrected; and the other when I was cut off abruptly when I actually had something to say (somehow didn't have the time to listen to me for a change).
I communicated by letter stating that due to my limited physical time and cell phone time, I could only communicate by mail or email, not by phone. And so far it's worked, they have certainly backed off. We keep in touch now by email and that works out nicely. I'm not stuck on the phone for hours and dreading a call from them any longer.
Try this approach and see if it works for you.
Forgot to mention. There are many great books out there about Psychic Vampires - a clever phrase to describe people who deplete your energy, either knowingly or not.
One that I own by Joe H. Slate is "Psychic Vampires: Protection from Energy Predators & Parasites" in which he gives a lot of good info on how to deal with this, protect yourself & not be one yourself.
See what a problem this used to be for me - I even had to track down self-help books on how to better assert myself. It's worked, however, which is the best part.
Good luck... VV
It is very rare that you meet these type of people but they are out there. They will as mentioned by this poster and others put an physical drain on you. By the time you sit and listen to 30+ minutes of non-stop conversation "me, me, me, or my momma" you physically drained. When I see the person from time to time who is my Energy Predator I make it a point to keep the conversations as short as possible. Once I say I have to leave if they continue to talk I make my way towards the door. If they don't get the hint I say well I will talk with you later and begin to exit. Maybe it is some sort of problem that people have when all they have to talk about is themselves. Another good point made by someone else hang up on them and act like the battery died the next time you two talk.
It seems like the op descibed some friends and family members of mine. Chatting does run in my family even down to my 21 month old nephew! It is not that severe where people don't want to be around us anymore though.
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The truth
