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Sounds like a homosexual story to me, which probably makes it more embarrassing to that "family member," who by the sounds of it is no closer than cousin, which is not that big of a deal.
experimenting sexually. I only visited this part of the family for a few weeks out of the year and when I was a teenager, it did not feel "incestuous", because to me, we did not feel like family.
Even though it was consensual, the family member told his mom that he feels "deeply ashamed" over what happened. I don't get it. He was all for it at the time. Now I look some creep who tries to take advantage of people, when that was 100% not the case.
I'm now in a LT relationship and have been for several years my family knows this. I have not had any "interest" in my family member since we were teens.
I know it's not as easy as "just get over it", but my family won't even listen to my side of the story. I seriously don't know what to do.
That's a tough one. Unfortunately, most people still think incest equals bad, period. Of course, life has a lot more gray areas than that. Like you said, you didn't feel like family emotionally.
It sounds to me like the family member you experimented with told someone, who told him that incest is an awful thing, and now he is ashamed of it. Hopefully he will make peace with it and not feel the need to turn you into a creep in his mind.
Could you try to contact him directly? Maybe if you discuss the fact that you weren't emotionally very close and that at the time you both consented, he will feel less ashamed of it. After all, I'd say the most important thing is that you both consented.
First of all can you tell me how you are related since you say it is a family member? I need to know that before I can respond.
It was a first cousin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by swmrbird
I'm sorry, but it's kind of disturbing. Even if you were both consenting, you were older and should have known better.
I get that, and I do feel bad, but now what? After you are ashamed and as regretful as possible, what comes at the after that? Now they just hate me forever?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Sounds like a homosexual story to me, which probably makes it more embarrassing to that "family member," who by the sounds of it is no closer than cousin, which is not that big of a deal.
It was male/female.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
Could you try to contact him directly? Maybe if you discuss the fact that you weren't emotionally very close and that at the time you both consented, he will feel less ashamed of it. After all, I'd say the most important thing is that you both consented.
What does LT stand for?
I would LOVE to contact him directly, and I've tried to throughout the years but he refuses to talk to me. The one and only time I tried speak to him face-to-face he said he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it. His mother specifically said he did not want contact with me, and to not try to contact him and that I am no longer invited to any family functions that he attends, which is nearly all of them.
LT stands for "long term".
I didn't mean to leave out any info, please ask and I will try to fill in any blanks.
The experimentation was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years and one time it went further than that. Just one time.
If all you guys did was a little kissing and maybe a little petting, then I think he's being a peckerhead about it.
Hell, I was practically molested by a female babysitter one time. I was around 10 and she was 15 or so, she was "teaching" me to kiss.
I don't mean to make light of molestation. I just think it sounds like he's got some major guilt going on about it. Let it go, it was probably a long time ago.
I get that, and I do feel bad, but now what? After you are ashamed and as regretful as possible, what comes at the after that? Now they just hate me forever?
.....
I would LOVE to contact him directly, and I've tried to throughout the years but he refuses to talk to me. The one and only time I tried speak to him face-to-face he said he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it. His mother specifically said he did not want contact with me, and to not try to contact him and that I am no longer invited to any family functions that he attends, which is nearly all of them.
......
The experimentation was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years and one time it went further than that. Just one time.
You're just going to have to come to terms with the fact that they may never forgive you. It's also possible that your cousin's recollection of events may be different from yours.
I say you need to move on with your life and since you never "felt" like he was family, continue your life in that vein.
If you wish to at least get your side of the story out, maybe write your aunt and uncle a letter and express your deepest apologies and wish that they may one day forgive you, etc.
I tried to add this to the OP, but there was no edit button.
Here is everything with all the questions answered.
About 10+ years ago, I fooled around with a family member. I was a teenager, and so was the family member (a couple of years younger). I never - in any way - forced myself on that family member, we were both consenting. I am a female, he was male and my first cousin. The experimentation was mostly kissing on and off throughout the years and only one time did it go further than that.
My family member has now decided to tell his mother (she and I were very close) and now they say I can never come over to their house or be a part of their family anymore. He's now an adult with children and doesn't even live at home anymore (obviously). (I have been in a long-term relationship and have not been "interested" in him since we were teenagers.
I am so sad this happened. Do you think they'll ever forgive me?
I would LOVE to contact him directly, and I've tried to throughout the years but he refuses to talk to me. The one and only time I tried speak to him face-to-face he said he didn't want to talk about it or deal with it. His mother who recently found out specifically said he did not want contact with me, and to not try to contact him and that I am no longer invited to any family functions that he attends, which is nearly all of them.
If you were his family, please tell me exactly what your thoughts and feelings would be. They won't talk to me, so I can't even begin to know how to approach them.
Please help. I am devastated about this. I was very close with them and I feel terrible about this (possibly lifelong) separation.
I didn't mean to leave out any info, please ask and I will try to fill in any blanks.
You're just going to have to come to terms with the fact that they may never forgive you. It's also possible that your cousin's recollection of events may be different from yours.
I say you need to move on with your life and since you never "felt" like he was family, continue your life in that vein.
If you wish to at least get your side of the story out, maybe write your aunt and uncle a letter and express your deepest apologies and wish that they may one day forgive you, etc.
Thanks for that.
I just feel very helpless because I want to fix the situation, but they've froze me out and now I can't.
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He was all for it at the time. Now I look some creep who tries to take advantage of people, when that was 100% not the case.
