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Try getting the best vacuum cleaner you can find. Vacuum the house AND... the cat thoroughly the day before she arrives. See if that helps.
My boyfriend told me that one of his customers got married to a woman with two cats. He's allergic to cats. She's had these two cats for many years. Solution: the two cats get vacuumed daily (and love it), and he isn't bothered by his allergy any more.
There's only been one big episode with me - last month while overnight. But that was also during a time she had a chest infection. Of course my ex blames both the infection and the episode on the cat. Probably would be wise to have actual facts....and get the testing done, as much as I'd hate to do that. Maybe if there was definitive proof, my wife would be more willing to compromise with the every other weekend. I don't think she'd get rid of the cat because giving her an inhalor a couple times a day does the trick. Or maybe a judge would allow her to be there if an inhalor a couple times a day works well. I guess we won't know until she's tested unfortunately.
I just don't understand why you would subject your daughter to an inhaler and meds over a cat. I don't believe in meds unless it's absolutely necessary and to me, her having an inhaler and meds aren't necessary.
Okay, I've heard opinions from people who are close to this impossible situation. Wanted to get some unbiased feedback from people who aren't close. Here's my impossible situation....
I got divorced in 2005. I have an 8 year old girl from that marriage.
A couple years ago, a long time female friend divorced her husband. We became close, and fell in love. We got married last year. She is now pregnant and due in 6 months.
I've always had my daughter on Sat. and Sun. all day, with a sleepover on a Sat. every other weekend. I moved in to my wife's house last year when we got married. Her and my daughter get along great. No trouble there.
My daughter however may have a minor allergy to my wife's cat. She also has seasonal allergies. She takes claritin daily. When she's over my place, occasionally she needs a puff of an inhaloer a couple times a day. That usually takes care of it.
Last month, my daughter was having bronchial trouble for a few weeks. My ex contributed it to the cat. She convinced the Dr. of the same thing (never been tested for allergies mind you). She had a bad asthma attack last time she slept over, a couple weeks ago. My ex flew off the handle Got the Dr. to say that my daughter shouldn't be with me if I'm in my house. Again, no allergy testing, and only last month of going to the Dr. for breathing problems.
Anyway, now the ex is threating to take me to court to have a judge order that my visitation goes away, unless it's outside of my house. But of course, a judge would force her to get allergy tested, which is horrible for a child.
Luckily, I have my parents and sister in the area and my daughter loves spending time with them both; especially my sister because then she has cousins her own age that she plays with.
Because she probably does have a minor pet allergy (although as I said an inhaler usually does the trick except for that one night --- one night out of 10 months), and because my ex says the next time she comes home coughing or allergic, that she'll take me to court. She has the money and the means to do it, and trust me, she will.....but because of this, I suggested that on Sat. and Sun., no more sleepovers, and very limited exposure to my house. I'd either take my daughter to my family's house(s) for a few hours, and then I'd spend time with her on my own for a few hours. I even suggested that every other weekend on Sat. and Sun. I devoted to my daughter, and on the alternate weekends, I devote to my wife and new baby.
My wife says no, I should devote all time to her and the new baby, and only see my current daughter an hour or two every other weekend because I can't leave my wife and child alone every other weekend all day. Not to mention it's not right that my daughter doesn't get to know her half-sibling because she's not allowed to be there due to the cat.
So I'm torn between losing my wife and new born, or losing my current daughter. I can't seem to think of a solution.
It sounds more like your trying to choose between a cat and your daughter. Don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE cat lover and would hate to be in your wife's spot however, you really think its fair to your daughter to have her on meds that she might not need if she were not around a cat?? Do you know what they put in those inhalers?? If its a medication she wouldn't need otherwise then she is better off not having to take it.
I hope you can reason with your wife and I hope your daughter doesn't loose you but the fact you are even considering doing what you propose makes me very sad for your daughter. I would rather do anything then be separated from my child. Anyone I would marry would understand that BEFORE we married.
That you would even ask this question is sad. Your child should come first. She did not ask for the situation she is in. She had nothing to do with the divorce from her mother or the new wife and child. She is your child for God's sake, and to even think of choosing a cat or a woman selfish enough to request such a choice tells us a lot about you. If your "current" wife refuses to get rid of the cat, dump her. Then, go to court and get custody of the new baby. I am sure a judge would have no sympathy for a woman who would choose a cat over a child. Also, do not fool yourself into thinking your "current" wife cares about your daughter. She would not give a second thought to doing what was best for your daughter, if she truly cared about her.
Last edited by Georgianbelle; 01-17-2011 at 11:41 AM..
I'm fairly positive that she'll come back positive for cat allergy, but not major. Like I said, over the past 10 months, the worst is that she sneezes a bit more (sometimes never though), and occasinally she needs a puff of an inhalor. But that's all my ex needed -- because of this, she's threatening to do the court thing. Like I said, I'm sure she'll have a minor allergy. But she has the Dr. convniced that her "allergy and breathing" trouble is severe. Even though there's no Dr. visits, no missed school, no anything -- just my ex's word that when I bring her home, she's terrible for the next few days. But i see her on tuesday nights for dinner at my parents (my wife's fine with that and usually joins us), and she's always fine.
So I'm sure the courts will be convinced that there should be no visitation unelss it's outside my house. And because of child support and my wife not working, and we have a house and cars and bills, I can't get a loan to save my life, and have no cash, so I'd be going to court without a lawyer, so Im' sure the judge would rule in their favor (no visits unless outside the house).
But to avoid all that hassle, I wanted to implement things that would avoid court, and would avoid having my daughter allergy tested (it would traumatize her - she's not good with needles).
Your consistently vilifying your ex who is the primary care taker of your daughter when your wife is the one who is putting a cat above a human child. That makes sense to you??
I have to say it seems you lack integrity, maybe your daughter would be better off without you in her life long term. I mean in order for your wife to remain controlling and selfish your willing to shove your daughter off on other family and cut so far back on your visitation. Its bad enough you only get to see her on the weekends, you want to cut it back to every other and only a couple hours a day?? WOW.
No, removing the cat when my daughter's there is also not an option. My options are basically see my daughter a couple hours every two weeks, or get divorced (again). I never saw this coming. I thought I knew my wife since we were so close for years and years and years.
Sorry to be harsh, Tom, but it's pretty apparent that you didn't know your current wife all that well. If she was a good friend/wife, she would understand that you child may be allergic to the cat and would do all she can to make sure that you daughter does not have allergy issues while she spends the weekends with you.
Your daughter and her health, as well as your newborn, are your #1 priority! Not your wife...and certainly NOT the cat. Don't ruin your relationship with your daughter over a a cat and the fact that your current wife is being extremely selfish. The cat could always find new owners that will care for him and love him just the same, that won't be the same case for your daughter though. You only get one shot to be a great, active, and loving father in her life.
Your ex is threatening to take you to court over not taking care of your daughter's allergy problem at your home...troublesome, but she does have a point. She sees that you are putting your new wife's needs over your daughter's. The ex made it VERY CLEAR what will happen if you don't put your daughter's needs first. I suggest that you heed her warning; you know the consequences.
However, as painful as allergy tests apparently are (I am allergic to cats also but don't remember getting tests done...I was 5 at the time), you should get them done for your daughter. That way you know EXACTLY what triggers her allergies. You also might find out if she's allergic to other things that you're not aware of.
Either find the cat another loving home for the weekends or hire a cleaning service a day before your daughter visits & hide the cat while she's there. Do whatever you have to do to make sure that your daughter does NOT have allergies when she's at your home. Trust me, no one wants to have allergies.
That you would even ask this question is sad. Your child should come first. She did not ask for the situation she is in. She had nothing to do with the divorce from her mother or the new wife and child. She is your child for God's sake, and to even think of choosing a cat or a woman selfish enough to request such a choice tells us a lot about you. If your "current" wife refuses to get rid of the cat, dump her. Then, go to court and get custody of the new baby. I am sure a judge would have no sympathy for a woman who would choose a cat over a child. Also, do not fool yourself into thinking your "current" wife cares about your daughter. She would not give a second thought to doing what was best for your daughter, if she truly cared about her.
Psst... the cat hasn't even been determined to be the source of the problem. They haven't had her allergy tested.
IMHO, the problem is that the ex-wife (without any evidence like allergy testing) has come up with the idea that it's the cat and/or wants to stick it to the new wife. The husband, instead of reacting rationally and saying, "Let's take her to a doctor and have the source of the allergy determined so we can go from there and have factual information," has decided to instead tell his pregnant wife that she has to give up a beloved pet on his ex's whim.
IF it is shown through allergy testing that the cat is the problem, I agree it should be rehomed. However, since NOTHING has been proven at this point, asking the wife to get rid of the pet is premature and ridiculous on the husband's part. The cat may not even be the source of the problem, since it could be any allergen--trees in the backyard, cleaning products, carpet fibers.
The wife is doing the right thing not to abandon the cat until the husband is willing to get the girl tested to see where the problem actually is.
Did you read the whole thread? To me the fact that the wife would refuse to get rid of the cat if it was proven to be the problem, IS the problem. She, according the the original poster, told him it would be the cat over him too. Would you want to be with someone so selfish?
Okay, before commenting, I suggest people read all 10 pages of posts, particularly the ones made by me. Your comments are of no value when they show you have not read the entire thread.
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