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Better to kick a person when they are down. They are less likely to be able to get up and whop your butt. Plus there is the old pecking instinct at play.
I don't think that's really "kicking you when you're down". That sounds more like this person didn't know how to handle or be supportive of something so traumatic in your life so they avoided you. They're called fair-weather friends - they don't mean any harm, they just run away from things they don't know how to deal with. It hurts but that's not really their intent.
That's true. It's always better to say something even if it sounds awkward or makes you feel uncomfortable to say it, than it is to just avoid the friend and say nothing at all, but some people get so hung up on saying the right thing that they end up saying nothing.
Also, if it was an email that didn't get a response, have you considered that maybe the person's computer isn't working, internet is down, they're ill, too busy to check email, etc...lots of reasons why an email might go unanswered for a day or two.
Better to kick a person when they are down. They are less likely to be able to get up and whop your butt. Plus there is the old pecking instinct at play.
Well, here is my theory. My theory is that they are cowards who use the opportunity to release some of their anger towards you when you are in the most vulnerable position or least able position to deal with it.
In my cases, the three (minus the email deal), these people were actually angry with me. My sister had some long standing resentments she finally threw my way and the other two were angry at me for grieving. Well, when someone dies that IS what someone does. My one friend even told me he was angry with me when my dad died. It's like I wasn't supposed to feel bad.
and they grab you and try to pull you down with them
so you kick them to get them off of you, and get on with your life.
That's another interesting theory. So what you're saying is that when someone is having a tough time and needs their friends or whomever, their friends want to not get pulled down with them, so they kick them further down to get rid of them? That would seem to be substantiated because in the middle of my dad's whole hospice thing my one GF told me she was going to have to not talk to me as much. And I know she was angry with me as her mom died younger than my dad. Go figure.
Last edited by mistygrl092; 05-11-2011 at 08:35 AM..
Negative events and tragedies are hard for people to handle in a supportive way - they often have little or no experience with it, so react inappropriately or not at all. They may not want to even hear about unpleasant situations, so find it easier to push you away (kick you) than reach down to lift you up.
That's another interesting theory. So what you're saying is that when someone is having a tough time and needs their friends or whomever, their friends want to not get pulled down with them, so they kick them further down to get rid of them?
I'm not talking about friends. At least, not friends from that point forward.
But yes, that's what I'm saying. People will usually help out a person who "needs their friends", but there are limits to how far that ticket goes. And we all know there's 2 sides to each story.
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