Why do people kick you when you're down? (member, conversation, acquaintance)
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I have my own theories, but I'd like to hear yours. When I got divorced, it was my sister who kicked me when I was down. We haven't spoken in 15 years or so unless it was for her to scream at me. When my dad died, the two closest people to me were both cruel to me both during his dying and when he died. And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
So, why are people like this? It hasn't happened only to me, rather I've seen it happen to others too. What gives?
Perhaps you are just overly sensitive in those times. You could be interpreting what could be tough no nonsense love as "kicking you" when you're down
I think people are just selfish and most really lack the emotional strength to be supportive of others. Instead of saying they can't handle it and being honest, they act in a passive aggressive manner to make emotional distance.
And you know that old saying of you really never know who is a good friend until you hit bad times? I think that is always true.
Its good to ask the person why they are being hostile when they are. Sometimes its just a bad week that can turn a decent person into a callused jerk. Maybe they have problems too but just don't complain about any of it.
Either way the behavior is uncalled for. Kick back.
I think people are just selfish and most really lack the emotional strength to be supportive of others. Instead of saying they can't handle it and being honest, they act in a passive aggressive manner to make emotional distance.
And you know that old saying of you really never know who is a good friend until you hit bad times? I think that is always true.
Its good to ask the person why they are being hostile when they are. Sometimes its just a bad week that can turn a decent person into a callused jerk. Maybe they have problems too but just don't complain about any of it.
Either way the behavior is uncalled for. Kick back.
Very very good points made here.
I went through the loss of my Mom, brother and then my Dad in about a 2 year period. My sister had passed away from cancer a few years prior. I couldn't believe how many people who still had their families would try to make it about them and how hard it was for them to cope. I even had one person tell me to "get over it we all have stress". You really do find out who your true friends are when time are tough.
I think your "friends" are showing their true colors....too bad they chose such an innoportune time..I think you need new and real friends....real friends pick you up when you're down...they listen to you,...they sympathize with you, and they care enough to make you feel better and not so alone in your time of need!!
Easy answer: they would appear to be lacking in basic human compassion
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092
I have my own theories, but I'd like to hear yours. When I got divorced, it was my sister who kicked me when I was down. We haven't spoken in 15 years or so unless it was for her to scream at me. When my dad died, the two closest people to me were both cruel to me both during his dying and when he died. And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
So, why are people like this? It hasn't happened only to me, rather I've seen it happen to others too. What gives?
I went through the loss of my Mom, brother and then my Dad in about a 2 year period. My sister had passed away from cancer a few years prior. I couldn't believe how many people who still had their families would try to make it about them and how hard it was for them to cope. I even had one person tell me to "get over it we all have stress". You really do find out who your true friends are when time are tough.
Well, I am very sorry for your losses. That must have been very difficult to go through and I imagine still is at times.
I got sort of the same messages from my two closest friends, but I won't get into it. Suffice to say I ended both friendships.
I guess there are probably many reasons people kick you when you're down - to shut you up, to get even, out of passive-aggressiveness, because they harbor resentments and finally you're an easy target, because they don't want it to be about you - rather about them, etc, etc.
Well, I am very sorry for your losses. That must have been very difficult to go through and I imagine still is at times.
I got sort of the same messages from my two closest friends, but I won't get into it. Suffice to say I ended both friendships.
I guess there are probably many reasons people kick you when you're down - to shut you up, to get even, out of passive-aggressiveness, because they harbor resentments and finally you're an easy target, because they don't want it to be about you - rather about them, etc, etc.
Sorry that your friends weren't there when you need them. In my opinion it shows a severe lack of character on their part and you are better off without them. Hang in there things will get better!
Little, small minded people have to berate and belittle and put down others in order to make themselves feel big. And it has happened to me, when they finished their rant, I looked at them and said very slowly and methodically, "I understand that having mental problems must have you in turmoil and anguish, I'm sorry you're going thru such a terrible time, but, so am I, now if you will excuse me I have a dying relative to take care of"...
She stood there dumbfounded, I had disarmed her, she had nothing, and slinked away...
Little, small minded people have to berate and belittle and put down others in order to make themselves feel big. And it has happened to me, when they finished their rant, I looked at them and said very slowly and methodically, "I understand that having mental problems must have you in turmoil and anguish, I'm sorry you're going thru such a terrible time, but, so am I, now if you will excuse me I have a dying relative to take care of"...
She stood there dumbfounded, I had disarmed her, she had nothing, and slinked away...
Isn't it sad that we have to waste time disarming stupid people? When people get too personal with me, my response will be "why do you ask" shuts them down every time.
Better to kick a person when they are down. They are less likely to be able to get up and whop your butt. Plus there is the old pecking instinct at play.
I believe this theory is unfortunately spot on. Some people are self-assured enough to not one-up you when you're in a weakened state, but many will take advantage because they perceive an opportunity to hoist themself up.
I'm also finding that the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" holds true (old friends, relatives...).
On the other hand, I have found surprisingly supportive gestures coming from the casual acquaintance, passerby in your life, and even total strangers (ex. right here on this forum).
Empathy & understanding exists, but not where we expected to find it.
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