Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092
I have my own theories, but I'd like to hear yours. When I got divorced, it was my sister who kicked me when I was down. We haven't spoken in 15 years or so unless it was for her to scream at me. When my dad died, the two closest people to me were both cruel to me both during his dying and when he died. And someone I really cared for just blew off an email when I told him my dad died, even though he'd always responded to me before.
So, why are people like this? It hasn't happened only to me, rather I've seen it happen to others too. What gives?
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I agree with the majority of compassionate posters here in different theories.
I'm old (57) and I was introduced to grief of a cousin when I was under 10. My brother committed suicide when I was 18 and he was 15. My parents died when I was 31 and 38. I witnesses the "lack of empathy" to my Mom over my bro's suicide. I quit going to church after my Mom died because of her "so called Christian" friends abandoning her when she needed them most.
You do find out who your true friends are during those times. I'm fortunate enough to have a loving supportive family that we grieved together.
You don't know what someone is going through until you walk in their shoes. Someone that hasn't lost a parent doesn't have a clue and if they're not a compassionate person to begin with, they can't sympathize with you.
Try to find a support group online for grieving children. They know what you're going through.
I'll try to make my story as short as possible.
I was 52 and worked a job I loved, but the workplace was toxic. I had been bullied one entire week and was looking forward to the weekend. I found my 21 y/o son dead in his bed at 7 PM Sunday night. I had my sis call my "bully boss" and tell her. She ended up being wonderful and allowed me to take 2 weeks off after he died.
The first day back to work at lunch a co-worker asked me if my son left a note! He didn't commit suicide.... The first Friday back to work, I was rear-ended on the way to work. I called in to tell them I would be late and left a message as I was always the first person in. My voice was shakey and I was trying not to cry because I was upset. When I got to work, the receptionist told me how funny I sounded on the answering machine so she played my message to the other co-workers as they came into work. My almost crying was funny to her...
I would go into the bathroom if I was tearing up at work and didn't discuss my son unless asked.
I would cry the minute I got in the car or when I got home. I did NOT take my grief to work. I thought they'd leave me out of their BS because of my grief. Wrong! Thanksgiving comes and the grief set in as the holidays begin. I couldn't stop crying and asked to take a sick leave for my first holidays without him. I was on sick leave from Dec to Jan.
Work gave me a reason to wake up everyday. I was eventually pulled back into the office schoolyard games. Fast forward to 18 mos. after his death. I was doing well and coping.
I caught my boss and the asst. boss "mocking me" That was the straw that broke the camels back! I shook... I went to the bathroom to calm down because I didn't want to cry in front of those bitc*hes. I gave my 2 week notice & walked out and never went back. It took a week to calm down, but I felt like 100# had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was so happy to be out of there.
I called the Credit Union (which was right across the hall from our office) and the employee told me that she was so sorry to hear about me. I asked her what she was told as to why I quit.
They told everyone that I quit because I couldn't handle the death of my son! I wish they would have said I got p*ssed off and walked out or ANYTHING but my grief.
To use my grief as a baseball bat to beat me so far into the ground is so incredibly unconscionable and pure evil.
I've never experienced anything like this in my life and I've had a lot of traumas throughout life.
I called the head of the Union (I work in the Union Benefit office) and I told him the real reason I quit. I wrote a letter to the "Board of Trustees" and blew the whistle on all of the garbage and illegal use of funds and the nepotism in that office.
My grief was used as a "Scapegoat" for a lying, sociopathic, b*tch. My grieving process was interrupted by this horrific behavior.
She hasn't lost a parent yet, yet alone a child. She's 33 and emotionally abuses almost everyone in that office.
I can't even find the words to describe it because in my opinion it was lower than low. She is the sludge in a sewer line. I did tell the head of the Union that I wouldn't waste my gas to drive there and spit in her face...lol
People can be so cold and thoughtless. I'm still dealing with it and I wish I could have her words taken out of my brain.
Like the other people have said, people eventually show their true colors. You will find comfort in the least expected people. I belong to a site for grieving mothers and they know exactly how I feel.
I am so sorry for what you're going through. There are positive lessons to be learned from all of our bad life experiences and you WILL come out of this a better and stronger person.
I'm so sorry for anyone that's had to deal with this type of behavior from people. I do think it does happen more so in other situations. We seem to live in a society that lacks compassion & empathy.
There's also a ton of books out there, but search the net for support groups for grieving children.
I can honestly say that at my age, this is the cruelest thing that's ever been done to me.
I wish you healing
I do believe that you reap what you sow and Karma is a Bit*ch
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