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Leaving aside the rather dodgy concept of "alpha male", the OP seems to have a mistaken idea of what being a good guy means. Being a good guy basically means sticking to a set of moral principles. It doesn't mean:
Being effeminate
Being passive aggressive
Being cowardly
Being jealous Being a milquetoast
Being a pushover
Being submissive
Being insecure
(Referring to and expanding on bolded portion above.)
Definition of UNASSERTIVE
: not assertive : modest, shy
How is "modest" defined, according to this excerpt?
Quote:
Definition of MODEST
1a : placing a moderate estimate on one's abilities or worth
b : neither bold nor self-assertive : tending toward diffidence
2: arising from or characteristic of a modest nature
...
Definition of MILD
1: gentle in nature or behavior <has a mild disposition>
...
How does anyone having any of the personality characteristics described above automatically disqualify him or her from being a "good guy" or "good woman"? True, they aren't "alpha" personalities, but they could still potentially be very pleasant, caring, or otherwise kind ppl, yes?
Your description of what behavior an alpha male exhibits is so far from the reality of true alpha male behavior. Alpha males do not have to tough or ruthless - those are signs of beta males wanting to be alphas. Alpha males generally have a quiet, calm self-assuredness which does not need to be proven. They are nice guys, not pretending to be nice; not pretending to be roughnecks.
The alpha males I have known are secure enough to turn their back on trouble and walk away. Alpha is not someone fights, blusters, bullies, or presents a bravado front.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trimac20
The term 'nice guy' is bandied around a bit too much. Think of the phrase 'nice guys finish last.' Many young males, frustrated at the lack of female attention/success in dating, often blame it on being 'too nice.' Some might be, but some are really just bitter and too cowardly to actually show their true colours.
I'm talking about genuinely nice guys...caring, considerate blah blah blah.
In nature, alpha males kind of HAVE to be tough and ruthless, when you think about it. They have to fight males, be belligerent and confrontational (just playing their role). There's no room for compassion and sensitivity. I know we are not deer BUT it has been my observation that in societies where males compete fiercely for females and maintain a harem or a mate, it's more of a 'wham bam thankyou mam' situation...certainly no tender loving car that romantic novels and movies aimed at women bray about.
It is in the societies with more monogamous structures - birds and some mammals, or at least structures where competition is less aggressive, where men - i mean males, lol, are the better providers, who seem to have an actual bond with their mate.
I'd say humans are a mix of the two extremes - the competitiveness instinct of the deer mixed in with the monogamous romanticism of the swan. So in that case, do you think it's true alpha males, jocks, whatever you want to call them, are much less commonly the 'nice guy'? I'm sure there are exceptions, but in GENERAL, do you think this is the case?
Your description of what behavior an alpha male exhibits is so far from the reality of true alpha male behavior. Alpha males do not have to tough or ruthless - those are signs of beta males wanting to be alphas. Alpha males generally have a quiet, calm self-assuredness which does not need to be proven. They are nice guys, not pretending to be nice; not pretending to be roughnecks.
The alpha males I have known are secure enough to turn their back on trouble and walk away. Alpha is not someone fights, blusters, bullies, or presents a bravado front.
These attributes have nothing to do with being an alpha male because, by definition, an alpha male is merely the leader of a pack.
Some alpha males are gentlemen, some aphas are douchebags, some alphas are nice guys, etc.
Last edited by Raging-Hetero; 02-10-2012 at 09:19 AM..
Reason: To clarify.
what about frat guys? do they count as alpha males or just d bags? Personally to me they are alphas when they are in their frat circle but once u get them outside their circle of friends they dont really offer much
what about frat guys? do they count as alpha males or just d bags? Personally to me they are alphas when they are in their frat circle but once u get them outside their circle of friends they dont really offer much
They aren't mutually exclusive. A douchebag frat guy can be an alpha male.
what about frat guys? do they count as alpha males or just d bags? Personally to me they are alphas when they are in their frat circle but once u get them outside their circle of friends they dont really offer much
People are different. You will find all types in a frat.
An alpha male is always alpha; he leads because people follow him, whether he wants to lead is irrelevant. He does because he is.
So not only are we going to ignore that "alpha male" means "domineering" by definition; but we're going to suggest that being an alpha male isn't even a personality trait at all?
So not only are we going to ignore that "alpha male" means "domineering" by definition; but we're going to suggest that being an alpha male isn't even a personality trait at all?
First, a true alpha male is not domineering (dictionary.com: inclined to rule arbitrarily or despotically; overbearing; tyrannical); perhaps dominating would be closer to defining.
Maybe that's why you and I will not agree on alpha males being nice - your definition is clearly not how I would define an alpha male. Arbitrary and despotic are not traits i would ever assign to an alpha male - or alpha female - and I would never be with that kind of person. There is no need for being overbearing.
Alpha people are those who are seen by others as leaders - not those who seek out leadership, necessarily; but those with traits that inspire confidence in their abilities to lead. They are seen to have wisdom and compassion.
Being an alpha male is not a single personality trait, it is a totality of personality, and often conviction in doing "the right thing". Anything else is just being domineering - which in my book is a beta alpha-wannabe/nevergonnabe.
First, a true alpha male is not domineering (dictionary.com: inclined to rule arbitrarily or despotically; overbearing; tyrannical); perhaps dominating would be closer to defining.
Maybe that's why you and I will not agree on alpha males being nice - your definition is clearly not how I would define an alpha male. Arbitrary and despotic are not traits i would ever assign to an alpha male - or alpha female - and I would never be with that kind of person. There is no need for being overbearing.
Alpha people are those who are seen by others as leaders - not those who seek out leadership, necessarily; but those with traits that inspire confidence in their abilities to lead. They are seen to have wisdom and compassion.
Being an alpha male is not a single personality trait, it is a totality of personality, and often conviction in doing "the right thing". Anything else is just being domineering - which in my book is a beta alpha-wannabe/nevergonnabe.
Well said
Alpha males are not "the enemy" some of these betamanlets, self described "nice guys", and angry young men want to portray them to be.
But hey, I guess they've got to have somebody to focus on or they might actually have to look at themselves and what THEY could be doing to lead happier lives. It's so much easier to be a victim or play the blame game
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True, they aren't "alpha" personalities, but they could still potentially be very pleasant, caring, or otherwise kind ppl, yes? 
